A couple of years ago, my friend moved out to Malaysia in search of a life where a winter wardrobe isn't a thing and you don't have to worry about stuff like moronic bro culture or seeing Kim K's face on television. What he found was a job as a bar manager in an establishment frequented by Malay punks covered in swastikas, wearing Combat 18 (a neo-Nazi terrorist organization) T-shirts and harping on about "Malay power."

Turns out they're a group of far-right nationalists who want to rid Malaysia of any non-ethnic Malays and stop immigration into the country. Which, although pretty backwards and reductive, isn't all that surprising in the current world climate. What was surprising, and kind of confusing, is that they identify themselves as neo-Nazis, are fond of sieg-heiling and listen to Nazi bands like Skrewdriver and Angry Aryan, yet definitely aren't Aryan themselves. And adopting a worldview that specifically discriminates against your race seems a very odd thing to do.     

I was told that one of the most popular Malay power bands is an act named Boot Axe, so I got in touch with band member Mr. Slay to find out why exactly a group of Malaysians are going through this bizarre, neo-Nazi identity crisis.  

VICE: Hi Slay. So what’s the deal with all this "Malay power" stuff then?
Slay: Malay power is important because we're concerned about keeping a pure Malay community all over the Malay Archipelago [the archipelago between Australia and Southeast Asia, believed by some to be the homeland of the Malay race]. I'm a second generation fighter for Malay power. The first generation, who founded the Malay power movement, have been less active recently. Malay power stems from a point in history—the 13th of May, 1969—where the Chinese and Malay communities fought each other. However, the punk and skinhead Malay power movement started in Kuala Lumpur in the early 90s.   

As far as I understand it, the idea that there's a "Malay race"—which is supposedly indigenous to the Malay Archipelago—was proposed by German scientist Johann Blumenbach. There's a lot of contention over whether or not such a race actually exists. For a start, Blumenbach’s theory hinged around the idea that there were only five different races in the world, which is clearly pretty flawed. I take it racism features pretty heavily in your ideology?
We're extremists in regards to the Malay race, but that doesn’t mean that we're extreme racists. It’s not about racism. It’s all about being Malay.

OK. How exactly is Nazism culturally relevant to Malaysians? Malaysia isn’t a country that most people would associate with Hitler and his Third Reich buddies.
Malaysia is home to people from China, India, and foreign immigrants from Bangladesh, Africa, Sri Lanka, Nepal, and Burma. The government can't control the entry of immigrants and we get so many of them. There are so many protests against the government about this issue, but they haven’t done anything tangible to improve the situation. Race has become a focus because of the inclusion of uncontrolled numbers of these people in our society.

How has immigration affected you? 
Malay people have been affected in socio-economic terms. Ethnic Malays also fall prey to criminals who come from abroad and sell drugs and commit murder, rape, robbery, and so on. The lesson that we can learn from Nazism is that we can take extreme racist action if the position of the Malays is affected by these factors. We won't practice overt racism if the Malay race isn't compromised, but, if threatened, we will take action.

So you aren’t openly hostile to minorities at the moment?
We don’t like minorities in Malaysia if they can’t co-exist with the Malay race. If they are good, then we are good.

What about Jews? Most Nazis aren’t too fond of them.
All Malay power punk and skinhead bands are outright anti-Semitic and anti-Zionist. Study the origins of the descendants of the Malay people from thousands of years ago and you'll see that we're connected with the Jews. According to the Jewish scriptures, a "lost tribe" of children from Israel who are divinely guided—which means they must be Muslims—will kill the Jewish Zionists in Palestine. In the beginning, Zionists thought that Native Americans were the ancestors of the lost tribe. Then an American scientist and theologist called Professor Ralph Olsen concluded that the Malay in the Malay Peninsula are the descendents of the lost tribe. This hypothesis is a half-truth. The Malays are not 100 percent descendents of the lost tribe, but Ralph Olsen’s theory about the adventures of a lost race is an interesting one.

This is all news to me. It sounds as if there's an Islamic ideology mixed in with Nazism here, which is a little confusing.
Malay power is connected to Islam. It doesn’t have links to any pro-Islamic movements, though.

So you’re a neo-Nazi movement with elements of Islam and some Jewish scripture thrown in for good measure? I’ve noticed that your band appears to be quite fond of the slogan "blood and honor," which is the name of a British neo-Nazi group. Were you influenced by neo-Nazis from over here?
We weren't directly influenced by British neo-Nazis because we realize that the extremists in the UK don't like Asian people. We just took the slogan "blood and honor" to demonstrate our identity.

Do you listen to British and American Nazi bands?
Yes, I listen to English Rose, Skrewdriver, Brutal Attack, and Angry Aryan.

That’s quite a selection. Do you think Skrewdriver would be into Boot Axe?
No, I don’t think they would listen to our songs.

Do neo-Nazi groups exist in other Asian countries?
Yes, in Indonesia, Singapore, and Japan. In Singapore, there's a Nazi black metal band called As Sahar.

Is every Malay neo-Nazi a punk? Or does Nazism extend beyond the punk and skinhead subculture?
No, all Malaysian neo-Nazis listen to punk and skinhead music.

You get anti-Nazi punks in quite a few countries—do they exist in Malaysia?
Yes, they do exist, but they dare not openly oppose us. They are afraid to speak out.

How are you regarded by the general public? Are they afraid of you as well?
Speaking honestly, maybe some people don't believe that the average, ethnic Malay citizens of Malaysia agree with us. However, we are not all that violent or extreme, as I have already told you.

How successful would you say your movement has been so far?
We make minorities afraid to commit crime in Malaysia. We always warn them not to cause trouble here. Violence isn't a solution for us because we begin with discretion, tolerance, and politeness when talking to these immigrants. If they insist on continuing or if they are stubborn people, we will do what is necessary. We also do charity work for the community and for Palestine, Syria, Somalia, and other countries that are at war. We've also tried to have discussions with the government about how to overcome the problem of having so many immigrants, but we were ignored. We're very different when compared to European and American neo-Nazis, who state openly that they want to eliminate races other than the white race. We start off with restraint and a zero tolerance stance, but we won't keep up this position if the Malays in Malaysia are threatened.

OK. Finally, how do you square being a Nazi with not actually being white?
Most worldwide organizations say that Nazism is just for whites. And yes, we are not members of the blue-eyed, blond-haired Aryan race—our community is brown-skinned, brown-eyed, and dark-haired. We've just adopted the spirit associated with Nazism as a symbol for the Malay race’s response if it's threatened by racial issues.

Thanks for answering my questions. 

All images courtesy of Slay.

More stuff about the far-right:

Apparently Europeans Don't Care if Pop Stars Dress Like Nazis

Nazis Suck at Making Board Games  

Triumph of the Shrill  

Surrounded by howling kids and animals, I made my way across the show floor and discovered the Royal Canin Championship & Household Cat Show nestled towards the back of the room. Each section of the convention could be described as a miniature neighborhood, and in this case, it appeared as though the dog-people and cat-people were kept separate by a divide of birds and fish (naturally). Over in cat world, a loudspeaker called out pet names while nervous pet owners prepared their felines for a few moments on the podium. On planet canine, swarms of spectators who were anxious for animal affection hung around with breeders, who discussed the peculiar particulars of their profession. It was weird, and I loved it.

See more of Nathan's work on his internet website.

For this week's Mahal, I got to catch up with Galen DeKemper about his latest skate video, MMM. Galen has been shredding New York City for the last decade. When he is off his board, he can be found reviewing stuff for Quartersnacks or lurking at the TF. Below is his video, some related photos, and our chat about the future of New York City skateboarding. 

VICE: What's the story behind MMM?
Galen Dekemper: I started filming MMM around the hurricane, after I finished filming my previous video, Free Buzz. Matthew Mooney gave me a HD Flip Cam, so I used that to film whatever caught my eye.

Last time I saw you out, you filmed Mooney getting clotheslined by a bunch of red velvet ropes surrounding a skate gap. Does that kind of stuff happen often for your camera?
That's the prime candidate for Quartersnacks' Slam of the Year. Things involving Mooney happen often with my camera, though clips of Mooney out of TF are more rare. Mooney's step-off wallie and that slam are Gonz's two favorite parts. I'm happy the poles weren't bolted in. It's mostly low impact skating. It's a release from constant deliberate challenges.

Via

There does seem to be a new generation of high impact skate kids in New York City, jumping down everything in sight. Why do you think it has come to that point?
It's within their reach. One of best parts about skating is doing a specialized, unique skill that a non-skater could never approach. For a skater to do tricks that even other skaters could never approach is impressive and heady and a chance to leave a unique mark.

Is New York City becoming more similar to California due to the new skate parks?
Dunno. I try to avoid skate parks in my life and thus in my clips. They do provide a helpful learning curve perhaps, but are no substitute for the streets which is the best part of skating and New York. Also, I used Young Scooter in the soundtrack because he shares a similar interest in speaking to the streets. 12th Street and Avenue A was a sick New York skate park that wasn't quite a skate park, RIP. And TF is so sick because it's an anti-skate park in its way.

What are your favorite street spots to film at?
Houston Bump is a favorite. With Shawn Powers, it's tight because he picks up clips on every block. We don't have to choose a spot, just choose a direction to head from Tompkins. Fresh new spots are always best. I like Gay Ledge. I like to film at spots I like to skate, but sometimes I'd rather skate too. Filming at popular spots gives a fun chance to look for new angles. I like being on top of ledges filming down. I like filming flat at places too, because it's the best way to see what angles capture the body best for certain tricks. My camera doesn't have light, but Midtown at night is a representative New York session to me.

What is your prediction for the future of New York City skateboarding?
I predict DJ Roctakon 360-flipping for at least another decade, Mooney releasing a full part before the end of the year, Shawn traveling to England and reciting poetry for the Queen, QuarterSnacks making Snackman cufflinks, and more tricks down Central Park Hubba. Also, my next clip, Yeah Man, drops around end of summer.

For more Galen, check out Dollar Stories.

Photos by Galen DeKemper and Eby Ghafarian.

Video by Galen DeKemper.

Words by Taji Ameen.

@RedAlurk

Previously - Hanging with John Joseph from the Cro-Mags

The following is an excerpt from the liner notes of Rat Tail’s one and only album, The Motorola Pimp. His whereabouts are unknown. We do know that he seemed to be on the rise when his album was first released; however, shortly after getting in an altercation with rapper Ice T, Rat Tail vanished. Ice T denies any knowledge of or involvement in his disappearance.

1. INTRODUCING RAT TAIL: 
(A. Goldstein, D. Goldenberg, L. Nachman) Produced by Janet for Cyrk Records. Recorded at Cyrk Studios in Hollywood by Doo Doo Dune Dune. Mixed by Conch Shell at Cyrk Studios in Hollywood.

Introducing Rat Tail / Rat Tail got a fat tail
Eight ball in the thermos of my Muppet Movie lunch pail
Want dick? Got it / Want nuts? Got those
I like to hang with strippers ’cause they take off their clothes
New Air Jordans, so you know that I’m rockin’
Rolex on my wrist tick tockin’ like my dick
Diamonds in my ears / Rhinestones on my shirts
Make them teen panties wet, give ’em ring-around-the-skirt

And you know I am a flirt, biggest flirt on earth
I drink champagne that’s yellow like Bert 
And Ernie’s rubber ducky, girlies whisper “sucky fucky”
Got ’em feeling real lucky ’cause they got the chance to fuck me
I’m soooo handsome / My looks will pay ya daughter’s ransom
No fear of the five-0, I run up on ’em and pants ’em!
Breath stank like milk / Hands smooth like silk
Sending ’nuff love to my man Harvey Milk
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
We want to fuck you Rat Tail!
THAT’S FREE!

I like my butts round plus hanging to the ground
I like my tits round and my eyes doo-doo brown
I like it like this and like it like that
I like to chill in Hollywood ’cause that’s where I live at
One compound / Five mansions / One fence
I speak a little broken, but that don’t mean that I’m dense
Talking on my cell phone, that’s when I speak my mind
I’m always on that hustle and forever on that grind
Speaking of that grind, I love to grind behind
I get behind that behind, and I grind that behind

Blast this song in my boom box / Then after I rewind 
Then after I rewind I get behind behind and grind 
My shotgun spray and my 45—BLAM!
I’m fly, dope, fresh, def with a splash of glam
My real name’s Aaron, and my middle name’s Sam
Rat Tail is the man / And you know that’s who I am
Rat Tail is the man / And you know that’s who I am
My name’s Rat Tail / That’s the name of the man
You know who I am / Rat Tail is the man 
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
We wanna fuck you Rat Tail!
THAT’S FREE!

Listen to Rat Tail’s long-lost debut track, "Introducing Rat Tail" here.

Read all 13 installments of Combover, Brett Gelman’s novel about Hollywood, baldness, and the beauty of the Jewish tradition here.

Here at the VICE HQ we have a gigantic hourglass that we reset each week to count down the days until the next week's HBO show. It takes ten interns all heaving at once to flip it, and the chances of one of them getting pinned underneath or losing a limb is real high. It adds a good deal of suspense to the buildup, though, and according to our in-house risk-assessment team, it's totally worth it. That is all to say that the hourglass is nearing its final grain of sand, meaning a new episode of VICE on HBO is nigh. Here is what to expect from tonight's episode, airing at 11:00 PM.

Tobaccoland

Indonesians like tobacco a whole lot. So much, in fact, that 67 million of them smoke it. There are no restrictions on advertising in the country, meaning ads targeted at young people abound, and kids often start smoking when they are as young as six years old. To top it off, some Indonesians actually think smoking is good for you and believe it cures all sorts of bad diseases, including cancer. We sent Thomas Morton over there to cut through the smoke and find out what's really happening. Months later, he's still coughing up weird yellow stuff.

Underground Heroin Clinic

It's something of a universally acknowledged truth that a heroin addiction is one of the hardest habits to kick. In the US, we offer replacement drugs like methadone, but unfortunately those drugs are also highly addictive. There are other schools of thought that believe in a different approach, but the drugs they use are often illegal in America, meaning users who want to get clean with their methods have to leave the country. Ibogaine is a drug used to treat addiction in many parts of the world but is labeled a Schedule I narcotic in the US. It is rumored to cure physical dependency on opiates without the terrible side effects of withdrawal and is often used in tandem with a voodoo-like ritual. VICE co-founder Shane Smith traveled to Mexico with an underground heroin clinic based in Harlem to see how well this unconventional addiction cure really works.

I'm not sure if this story about Barack Obama is actually racist or just really disturbing, but we're going to run it through the This Week in Racism "Racism-o-Meter" anyway, and see what comes out. With the assistance of my friends at the @YesYoureRacist Twitter account, I’ll be ranking this and other news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “racist” being the most racist.

According to testimony given during the prostitution trial of his three former aides, Italy's former prime minister Silvio Berlusconi was alleged to have dressed women up like Barack Obama and then had them perform stripteases. Now, I am not here to debate the erotic merits of President Obama, nor am I here to question the sexual preferences of Silvio Berlusconi. I am here to wonder if these women wore blackface. Also, what about those giant fucking ears he has? Fake mole? I think this is one of those "teachable moments" I've heard so much about lately. I'm giving this a 2, because I'm genuinely still totally fucking confused.

- Police in Agoura Hills, California, are looking for someone who spray-painted racist graffiti on the walls of the local high school. The message included the phrase “Ni**ers will die,” which school officials erased without telling students or parents. Two days later, students showed up to school to find a “hit list” of African American students painted on the bathroom wall. They're right though. Ni**ers will die. Unfortunately, so will everyone else one day. RACIST

- This is the logo for a food truck in Los Angeles. I don't know why this is in here other than it made me laugh. Also, I've often fantasized about slapping my own mother.

- In Great Britain, a newly elected councillor representing the UK Independence Party—which goes out of the way to say it’s “not racist”—found himself in hot water after sharing on Facebook a cartoon depicting Muslims being burned at the stake using copies of the Quran. "I don’t have a racist bone in my body,” said Eric Kitson of Stourport-on-Severn. “It's just a bit of bloody stupidity." Kitson added that he has “several Muslim friends,” which of course automatically disqualifies someone from being Islamophobic, as everyone knows. Also, I don't think bones can be racist. What would a "racist bone" even look like? A bunch of swastikas on a femur? 8

- Last week we told you about Jason Richwine, the Heritage Foundation analyst who once wrote that Hispanics are genetically predisposed to have lower IQs than “native white Americans.” Ignoring the fact that there’s no such thing as a “native white American,” Richwine’s assertion that Hispanics are genetically inferior is pretty much a textbook example of racism. Even the Heritage Foundation agreed, firing Richwine soon after the writing was made public. But Richwine still doesn’t see how his assertion could be racist, telling the Washington Examiner’s Byron York, "The idea that I am some sort of foaming-at-the-mouth extremist never even crossed my mind." Probably not, but then again, I've heard Chris Brown thought he was just "explaining things" to Rihanna's face. Richwine added, "The accusation of racism is one of the worst things that anyone can call you in public life." I can think of a few things that are worse, such as being told your entire race is inferior... but what would Richwine know about that? RACIST

Jason Richwine's best friend, Ann Coulter, receives this week’s Ann Coulter Award for Excellence in Racism for this:

We've already established that Jason Richwine is a huge racist prick who has no sense of shame. The fact that Ann Coulter feels the intense need to paint a total asshole as a victim is one of those twisted pieces of logic that makes me want to curl up into a ball and die.

@YesYoureRacist’s 10 Most Racist Retweets of the Week [all grammar sic'd]:

10. @Jay_Flo6: “I'm not racist, but I couldn't date a white girl if she has messed with a black guy. #NoRacismIntended”

9. @Cal_E_Boi: “I'm not racist but as soon as I see a black man under the age of 25 driving a BMW I immediately shout drug dealer”

8. @RodeoPrincesss: “Im not racist but black people and white people just dont make cute couples.”

7. @bmill98: “Im not racist...but jews make themselves pretty easy to hate”

6. @2_jayyyz: “I'm no racist but I hate, hate, HATE, wet backs”

5. @SashaDaniels: “I'm not racist but im actually terrified of Jews”

4. @toriiiiz: “I'm not a racist but I f*cking hate middle eastern guys.”

3. @Mattt_Lee: “I'm not racist but that group of chinks can f*ck off. Twats.”

2. @graceegregory: “I'm not racist, but I understand where Hitler was coming from.”

1. @AlifNorazmii: “I'm not racist but ni**er really stink!!!”

Last Week in Racism:

Happy Confederate Memorial Day!

@dave_schilling

As you’ve probably heard by now, Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto and the hearts of young people everywhere, smokes crack, or at least there is a video that multiple reporters have seen of a guy who looks an awful like Rob Ford smoking something out of the pipe. Although mayors have been caught sucking the glass dick before (most notably Marion Barry in 1990), it is still big news, because, wow, it seems like if you were running a major city you shouldn’t be hanging out with shady dudes and having a puff of the old crack.

Rob Ford is somewhat of an erratic dude for someone with so much power—he’s sort of a cross between Homer Simpson and a Canadian version of Caligula—so the notion that he enjoys hard drugs recreationally isn’t the craziest idea. But what would it be like if a more respected authority figure, like New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, was found in similar cracked-out circumstances? We wandered around Brooklyn asking people to find out what their reactions would be.  

VICE: How would you react if Mayor Bloomberg got caught smoking crack?
Kristina, attorney: I would be surprised. He seems to be a very conservative kind of guy. He keeps to himself, he’s very private. If he got caught doing it in public, that would be a huge problem for the city of New York. I think our politicians need to be role models for the people of the city.

Can a crack user be a good role model?
I think a crack user who’s in recovery and has done something positive with his life and has chosen to take a different path can certainly be a role model for other people. But if they’re going through those problems and issues, that’s what they should be focusing on, not leading a group of people.

How would crack affect the choices a leader—like a mayor—makes?
It affects the mental and psychological well-being of a person, and that’s fact. Whether or not people choose to use it is their business. But if you’re going to use something that alters your physical and mental stability, then certainly it would not be in your best interests to be leading a city.

How would you feel if Mayor Bloomberg were caught smoking crack?
Carlos, ironworker: So-so.

Why so-so?
Sometimes I like him, but sometimes... y’know...

Do you think it’s OK for politicians to do drugs?
Yeah. I like doing them sometimes. I like a couple of them.

How would you feel if Bloomberg were caught smoking crack?
Anna, dancer: I’d go “hmm, mmm.” I’d probably need more information before I got really mad or anything.

You wouldn’t be surprised? Offended?
I guess I’d be surprised. I don’t think I’d be offended, though.

Is there any personal choice that a mayor could make that would offend you?
If he said mean things about gay rights, or do anything violent.

Do you think we should care if mayors are totally strung out?
I think that’s kind of a personal thing. I think it depends if it affects his job or other people.

Javier and Diana, architects from Madrid.

Who’s the mayor of Madrid?
Javier: Ana Botella

How would you feel if Ana Botella was caught smoking crack?
Diana: I don’t think she would do it. She’s very right-wing religious.

Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, is also a right-winger and  he was caught smoking crack.
Javier: Crack just makes it too hard for a mayor to perform his work competently.

What if the mayor were doing other drugs that didn’t get in the way of his job?
Javier: I wouldn’t care about that.
Diana: It depends if he does it in his free time or while he’s working.

Is there any job people can do while high on crack?
Javier: Well, not crack, but I know a lot of architects who smoke a lot of stuff.

How would you feel if you found out that your mayor was smoking crack?
Gertrude, journalist and radio host from Copenhagen: I would think that that’s just way too much.

Do you think smoking crack makes you a bad person?
No, not necessarily, but I think it means you make risky decisions. It’s a risky thing to do and I wouldn’t trust the ability of that person to make wise decisions on behalf of the entire community.

What do you think a mayor on crack would do differently from a clean mayor?
If you severely abuse any kind of substance, you just start making bad decisions. That’s not just for mayors, that goes for doctors and educators. They start making risky decisions because the more hooked you get on this drug, the more you’re going to take risks to keep your secret and get your drugs.

How would you feel about mayors and other professionals doing a little bit of crack, as long as they’re not abusing it?
I’m pretty liberal in terms of smoking joints and stuff like that, but crack is just the next level. You can have a spliff from time to time and still be a reasonable person and enjoy social events--it’s not my thing, but if other people like it, that’s fine. But crack is just the next level.

Who’s the mayor of Copenhagen?
He’s named Frank Jensen. And I don’t think he smokes crack.

How would you feel if Bloomberg were caught smoking crack?
Stephen, bookseller: I wouldn’t feel too good about the state of things.

Do you think it’s OK for mayors and other people in politics to do drugs?
I don’t think they should smoke crack.

But you’d be OK with them doing other drugs?
What other drugs?

Pot or acid, say.
I don’t know about doing acid. Smoking pot I wouldn’t have a problem with. I don’t really need to know if someone’s smoking pot. If they’re smoking crack, I want to be aware that they’re smoking crack.

Of all the gifts that God supposedly bestowed upon gay men—a dandy fashion sense, preternatural design abilities, a predilection for the word "fabulous"—the gaydar is both the handiest, and the most elusive. To an outsider (read: straight person), the ability to instantly catalog and assess a litany of small signs and signals and determine whether any old person on the street is gay or straight might seem innate in all who enjoy homosexual romps in bed, but it is actually a learned skill, like algebra or injaculation.

And you can learn it too! These days with more and more social circles becoming sexually diverse, how can you tell if the guy swinging a glow stick next to you at some Bushwick "rave" is looking to put his pole in a hole or looking for another pole to pole all over his face? [Wait, what?—Ed.]I enlisted the help of Jeffery Self, the author of Straight People: A Spotter's Guide to the Fascinating World of Heterosexuals. He turned his sociological skills around and instead of telling us gays how to detect breeders, he's teaching everyone the best practices for finding queers and dykes out in the wild.

VICE: At what types of places or events is it easiest to spot a gay guy?
Self: Oh! I'm so glad you asked, Brian! The easiest places to spot a gay are: Broadway open calls, boutique gyms, one man shows, any major city with a bar named The Eagle, SoulCycle classes, and Kevin Spacey's Annual Memorial Day BBQ, which, as an FYI, is being moved from Ojai to Brentwood this year. Please read the invitation VERY carefully as no one is allowed to bring more than ONE guest. Last year simply got out of control and Taylor Lautner is literally just NOW able to ride a bike again.

What's one sure giveaway that the guy you are looking at is gay?
Nowadays it's very hard to tell the difference between straight and gay men, probably because gay people control the media and ultimately the world. If the guy you're speaking to refers to screenwriter Dustin Lance Black as simply "Lance," he is without a doubt homosexual. Another rule of thumb is that if you look at a gay man VERY closely you will see the off kilter glare of a guy who has genuinely wondered why Monique hasn't made a movie since Precious.

OK, let’s flip the coin. What's one sure sign that the gentleman in question is straight?
Do what I always do... surprise him by slapping your penis against his side and see if he shouts "Jesus Christ!" or "Eva Longoria!"

How do you tell the difference between a gay man and the fabled "metrosexual," or, just, you know, your garden variety European?
Metrosexuals have made everything A LOT more difficult. With the exception of Ryan Gosling, who has, as a rule, made most things A LOT easier. However, a metrosexual tends to try a bit harder than a gay man. Coco Chanel had that famous quote about taking off one piece of jewelry before you leave the house. Gay people are WAY more likely to know this quote/follow its suggestion. On a related note, few metrosexuals have heard of Coco, the Broadway musical starring Katharine Hepburn in the title role and cowritten by one of the guys who wrote My Fair Lady.

Are there different skills for picking out lesbians?
NOT MY DEPARTMENT. I'm sorry. Shall I transfer you downstairs to Ellen and Portia's Vegan Dungeon?

How can you tell if two girls making out are just drunk straight people or actual lesbians?
Drunk straight girls tend to be WAY messier than actual lesbians. Unless we're talking about k.d. lang, in which case I have reason to believe she is QUITE messy as well.

Aside from “Do you like penises?”, what sort of questions should you ask to figure out if your target is gay or not?
"Have you ever heard of The Wiz?"
"Have you ever seen The Wiz?"
"Have you ever been in a production of The Wiz?"
"What role did you play?" (This last question is more about my own curiosity, because you seem like somebody who could totally pull off Addaperle.)

Does the company someone keeps make it easier to spot their sexual orientation? What does someone's group say about who they want to bone?
Unless it's Stockard Channing, it's hard to say.

How can you tell the difference between a really butch gay and a straight guy, or a really femme lesbian and a straight lady?
First and foremost, let me say that butch gay guys are the hottest men on Earth. Period. They also make it hard to tell whether they're gay or straight. As a rule, most butch gay guys will dress the same as butch straight guys with one exception—the underwear. A butch gay guy can look as gruff and tough as you can get but underneath those distressed Levi's is a pair of blue trunk cut Andrew Christian briefs.

Femme lesbians vs. straight ladies are tricky for me. Mainly because the straight woman I've spent the most time looking at is Dixie Carter, and she's closer to a butch gay than anything else.

If you see a man who is dating Renee Zellweger, how should he register on your gaydar?
DAUNTING.

Previously - Guys, It's Time to Stop Shaving Your Junk

@BrianJMoylan

The story of my parents’ lives can be read, or at least inferred, through their record collection. There is a long period of album purchases that suggests they were pretty fun to spend time with during their college years and immediately afterward. There's rock, preppy folk, and a lot of very good jazz records; a few edge right up to Nixon-era avant-garde, without ever crossing into the sort of Pharaoh Sanders zone that would imply a prolonged and serious dalliance with hallucinogens. Then the collection peters off abruptly right around the time of my birth. Some Springsteen albums were purchased after that, and a great deal of Handel and Bach and other things that well-educated adults of their generation played in order to get their kids to stop screaming for one goddamn minute, please.

And then my sister is born, and it's just over, virtually nothing for a decade. Later, there's a series of strange impulse buys and NPR recommendations—a long and unbroken line of A Country Christmas Anthology Vol. VIII’s and Lucinda Williams records. It isn't that they stopped being interested in interesting things, I don't think, and it isn't that they gave up, although keeping two neurotic kids in Umbros and orthodontia presumably cramped their style somewhat. I think, looking back at the story those records tell, that it might have been something as simple as things just starting to sound different to them, their ears tuning themselves to different, more parental frequencies. Their taste didn't evaporate so much as it aged. And this is fine. That is what I tell myself, at least, when confronting the fact that I have come not just to admire but enjoy the San Antonio Spurs and the way they play basketball.

There has always been plenty to admire about the Spurs, who have spent the last decade and a half as one of the NBA’s best teams—they've won four championships during that time—and also one of the league’s quietest and, frankly, dullest. Their future Hall of Fame forward, Tim Duncan, is known for his deadly midrange bank shot and ceaseless silent imploring of refs; he is as exciting to watch as unbuttered toast is to eat. There is also a crazily quick but faintly bat-like French point guard Tony Parker and mercurial, balding Argentine wing Manu Ginobili and a rotating crew of supporting professionals that brings significantly more to the table in terms of defensive rotations and savvy on-court decision making than they do in terms of personality. Their coach, Gregg Popovich is an impatient, sarcastic, supremely brilliant tactician who looks like a grouchy lieutenant demanding Michael Madsen's badge and gun in a shitty Showtime thriller—he refuses to deal with the media as most other coaches do and once gave an interview in which he only said four words. If the team never quite evinced the ulcerous Patrick Bateman-ian seethe of the New England Patriots, the Patriots still seem a reasonable enough comparison: the Spurs are also just as relentlessly efficient and effective, and as colorful and stylish as miles and miles of khaki extending into the distance.

It was natural, almost reflexive, to loathe them at their apex, and to resent the way in which they took this wild, expressive game, turned it into an especially virtuosic exercise in cubicle-bound Minesweeper, and won. The core players from the 2002–03 championship season are still there, all older without actually seeming at all old (or maybe they were old back then too), and the Spurs are still playing the same style of basketball at a similarly high level. They move the ball until an open shot emerges, never panic, play great team defense and have a seemingly never-ending supply of productive players they pick from the NBA trash heap and the lower ends of the draft. It's can be frustrating, if you have a partisan inclination toward a particular franchise, because the Spurs are almost certainly a better basketball team than the one you care about. But mostly it's just annoyingly dry, all this lockstep excellence. Yes, they're tight, smart, fearsomely close to perfect for dauntingly long stretches of time. But there's no life in it; imagine a very good wedding band playing your favorite songs, note-perfect, poker-faced, and be-cummerbunded, for hours on end. The music is objectively very good, but you simply can't dance to it.

That was how I used to view them. But the Spurs have become a team I no longer merely grudgingly appreciate, but actually, actively like. It's fun to watch them work, to recognize the patterns as they pull them from the game's basic state of ordered chaos; it's bracing to see the shapes and plays they make from and for each other. In San Antonio's series against the Golden State Warriors, this year's resident playoff upstart and a team that plays whirling, gunning, unconscious basketball—albeit with an itchily blessed-out Fellowship of Christian Athletes vibe—I've had the strange experience of feeling not just the usual grouchy awe but actual delight in the Spurs' perfect unity of conception and execution. I want them to win. It seems like they deserve it. My ear is retuning itself; I can finally hear something other than “ugh” watching San Antonio play, which is cool except how it parallels suddenly finding a Rod Stewart Sings the Standards record soulful and great.

But it has happened, I am on the Spurs' wavelength. Their version of basketball is suddenly not just dignified to me but actually graceful, humble, and kind of elegant. In their last playoff series, the Spurs dispatched the Warriors without trouble in six games. The younger team gunned and surged and flubbed manically while the Spurs simply moved the ball around until opportunities opened up, then took adavantage of them. They weren’t made up of flailing but talented parts, they were a single elegant whole. It's fun to watch, it really is. The shock of it is finally hearing that hook for the first time.

@david_j_roth

Previously: Leave Derrick Rose Alone

Gangsta Boo is hip-hop legend. As the sole female member of the epochal Three 6 Mafia during the late 90s and early 2000s, she helped forge a space for females in hardcore rap, with aggressive rhymes on classic records like Choices: The Album, When the Smoke Clears: Sixty 6, Sixty 1, and her solo debut Enquiring Minds. I've been listening to Gangsta Boo since I was a kid, and she always fascinated me—and scared me a little. As a prepubescent horndog, I loved bumping girl rappers who talked about explicit sex shit because it was perfect fodder for my wankbank. But Boo never played herself like that for her male listeners. Even when her verses started off sexy, they ended defiant—like "Tongue Ring," which begins with her "pussy wet as a river" and ends with her using a razor blade to horrifically "slice yo' shit."  There's no beating off to that. You just have to respect it, because the rhymes are hard as hell. 

I had the rare pleasure of meeting Boo at my 25th-birthday party thrown by VICE's funny-book tsar and DJ extraordinaire Nick Gazin. Boo and I hit it off talking about what's great and what sucks bloody AIDS-infected penises in modern hip-hop. As agressive as her raps are, one thing that struck me about her was how genial and graceful she was. She reminded me of the ladies who offer you a candy when you sit next to them in church when you're a little kid. Basically, Gangsta Boo is a hardcore rapping saint. 

I think she embodies a lot of what is desperately missing in the rap game right now. So, I invited her to the VICE offices in Brooklyn to continue our discussion of hip-hop, by sitting together and watching some music videos by some of the hottest lady rappers out today. Here's what she had to say:

AZEALIA BANKS'S "212"

VICE: You’ve seen this before?
Gangsta Boo: A couple of times.

What do you think of it?
She’s pretty, and she is representing for the brown-skinned ladies. I like that. She’s got an international vibe too. I don’t know too many of her songs to be honest, but I do like this one.

What do you think about the style of the video?
It’s black-and-white, and it has a retro feel to it. It’s simple. It focuses on her teeth a lot. She’s got some pretty teeth. It’’s cute, it’s basic. It’s one of those classic New York videos.

When you were working with Three 6 Mafia, was New York a hard place for you guys to break into?
Yeah. Absolutely.

Were there any female NYC MCs you looked up to?
Yeah, Lil' Kim, Foxy Brown... Rah Digga—she’s not from New York, but she is East Coast or whatever. I’m not an Azealia Banks fan, but I love how she uses “cunt” in this song. A strong a black female saying cunt is kind of ratchet.

IGGY AZALEA'S "MY WORLD"

You know she’s from Australia or something?
Really? I had no idea. She doesn’t rap like it. She doesn’t have an accent or anything. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but she’s definitely sexy and fly. She’s got swag for days and she knows how to work it in this video.

Do you think it’s weird for somebody to take on a different place’s twang—like her sounding like she’s from the States?
Nah. I’m a fan of The Walking Dead and it's so weird how they all talk like they have an American accent, but they are actually all from Australia, London, and other places. Sometimes it’s believable, sometimes it’s not. This particular video is believable, but a lot of her music isn't. However, I do like this song

Do you feel like artists taking on other styles is part of the creative process? Or are there rules in hip-hop?
Absolutely. There should definitely be rules in hip-hop because there are G-code rules in the streets. It’s cool to have fun, but at the end of the day it would be wack for me to rap like I’m from New York. It is cool to get influences from other places, but I want everyone to know that I’m from Memphis.

KITTY PRYDE'S "OKAY CUPID"

Do you know Kitty Pryde?
I know her. We have a song together.

Oh really? Is it out, yet?
No, I haven’t put it out yet, but Nick Catchdubs did the beat. It’s called “Fool's Gold.”

What do you think of Kitty?
I like her because she’s poetic. You can tell she’s a writer and what she is talking about is very believable. I hang with white girls like her all the time.

When you were first coming up, was there a lot of white female MCs?
No, but they’re everywhere now. It’s like a flood of these little white bitches. That’s what’s up though. I think Kitty Pryde is dope. She’s got that TV-friendly face.

Speaking of Kitty’s writing style, how do you write?
I get inspired by different things that I go through. That’s why I like traveling to different cities and catching vibes. I like to get outside of Memphis and get inspired by other people and new scenery.   

Do you write with a pen and a pad?
It depends. Sometimes I write on my phone, and sometimes I write on paper and sometimes I just go off the the top of my head.

WASH 'N' SET'S "PRIVATE PLAY"

I premiered this one on VICE.
Yeah, I only know about them because of you.

Do you like it?
To me, honestly, it’s wack. Everybody doesn’t need to rap, man. It is cute. But I can’t take them serious. 

I think some younger rap artists feel like they can just have fun with the art form. But when you were coming up, more doors were closed to female MCs, so you guys had to go harder on the mic than the best male rappers.  
Exactly. For me, this kind of stuff is offensive because I feel like they’re taking up space for somebody who takes it serious and is starving in a place where there are no opportunities. There’s a lane for this, and there’s a lane for real shit. I just stick to the real shit.

Damn. I like this song. Besides the rapping, do you at least dig the beat?
It reminds me of “It’s So Cold in the D.” It was like extra wack. But I would tear this beat up.

KILO KISH'S "NAVY"

What’s your take on Kish?
I think it’s nice that a lot of cute girls are rapping now, but I just don’t know if I would bump them personally. I would take this more serious at an open mic. I don’t consider these girls rappers.

You're saying she is trying to do something, but she hasn’t mastered her craft yet?
No, I think she’s mastered what she’s doing. I just don’t think she’s really rapping. It’s more poetic. My homegirl does poetry in Houston. I went to a few of her open mics and it sounded a lot like this. Not saying Kish couldn’t write a rap or be a dope MC, I just don’t think that’s what she trying to do and that is OK for her.

What do you think the line is between poetry and rap?
Rap to me is more aggressive, more in your face.

When was the first time you heard a girl rap with an aggressive flow that inspired you?   
Da Brat. She was dope.

Which song?
Probably “Funkdafied.” She was the first female MC to go platinum.

Did you ever feel like you had to be extra aggressive to get respect as a female MC?
I had to rap with, like, five different dudes, so I always had the mentality that I had to outdo everyone I was on a song with in order to stand out. I’m a girl in a man’s world, so I trained myself to always go harder than them. Period.

PINK DOLLAZ'S "BAD BITCH"

Any thoughts?
The concept is basic. I don’t consider myself a "bad bitch." I’m over that. The hook is wack too. But it does have a dope beat. I like the whole West Coast flow too. But the “bad bitch” concept throws me off. It’s just kind of tired of it. I don’t want my daughter calling herself a “bad bitch.” What does that even mean? I don’t have kids, but if my daughter said something like that, it better be because she is in school making good grades. Not because she has red bottoms. Being a bad bitch is fine, I’m just kinda over the materialistic aspect of it.

Do you think materialism is hurting rap right now?
Let’s get back to the music and less of this fashion stuff. It’s an expensive lifestyle to keep up with, and it’s all an illusion anyway. But hey, if you got it, rock that shit. I really can’t tell you what hip-hop needs today. People need to just stand out on their own and do them.

LADY'S "TWERK"

Look at those bootiess shake! I love this video. This song is strictly for...
The strippers? I’m known for making stripper anthems. Maybe she’s a stripper and she just wants to represent her set.

What do you think about the video?
Basic bitches shaking their ass.

When you write a “stripper anthem,” how do you approach it?
When I did “Where Dem Dollas At,” it was inspired by Jazze Pha. He did a beat for Tela called “Hoes in the Club.” But when I came up with “Can I Get Paid,” that was considered the stripper's anthem. Writing those songs, I was thinking about the mind frame of a stripper. I was younger then. Now that I’m older, I wouldn’t make a video like Pink Dollaz. I might make a strip-club song, but the video would be different. This looks low class.

Did you spend any time in strip clubs when you were younger?
Oh yeah. Man, watching the girls dance and do tricks—that’s what I like to do. Magic City in Atlanta has some dope females who do some crazy tricks. I fuck with the A and their strip clubs. Maybe these girls are strippers turned rappers. There’s a few of them nowadays. Make your money, ladies. But there’s a fine line between classy and trashy, and sexy and messy. And it takes time to figure it out.

SNOW THA PRODUCT'S "COOKIE CUTTER BITCHES"

I found this a few minutes before you got here. I was surprised it had so many hits. A lot of people are talking about this girl.
She's almost at a million. Yeah, they're talking about her.

What do you think?
I fuck with her. I like gangsta bitches. We met at South by Southwest and may do a song together. She’s thick, she’s pretty, but she’s not showing her ass. She wants people to hear her lyrics and not that other mess. If she wanted to take off her clothes, men would just die. But they have to respect her for what she’s saying—having a nice body and being pretty is just a plus.

Because rap is a lyrical art form, do you have to come with the rhymes whether you’re pretty or not?
I think so. It’s like, "OK, I know you have a big ass. Who doesn’t? You can pay for those nowadays. Let’s hear what you can say."

BROOKE CANDY'S "I WANNA FUCK RIGHT NOW"

I love Brooke Candy.
Yeah, I couldn’t believe this video. I was like, "Oh my God."

You can tell that she has been listening to some Gangsta Boo records.
Definitely. And for some reason, I believe this video is just representing how she really is. She doesn’t seem like she is lying. She must have been a stripper or something. I can tell by the way she hits that pole. It just seems like it’s her. Plus, any chick that rocks snakes and shit in their hair is hands down, a real bad bitch.

Yeah, this video is insane. What was it like making your early videos?
I did “Where Dem Dollas At?” in New York my first time out there. It was fun, especially coming from country-ass Memphis. It was fun then and it’s still fun. The cool part about it now is receiving the love from the younger generation. It’s just dope and it feels good and that’s why I get down with the young artists like the Raider Klan.

Was it hard to get your videos played back in the day?
Not that much after we got signed. It was pay-to-play at that point [laughs]... Are all Brooke’s songs like this?

Yeah, they’re pretty intense. It’s weird because a lot of people hate on her.
What are they hating on her for?

Too much sex stuff, I guess. And they think she looks like a man or something. I think she looks great.  
Shit! They’re always saying somebody looks like a man. I don’t care. I like her. There’s so many dancers that come into the rap game and act like they don’t dance anymore and then have to end up going back to the strip club. At least she’s still in the strip club.

MIA'S "BAD GIRLS"

This is a good one.
This bitch is one of my favorite bitches of all time. This is one of the hardest videos ever, just because she’s so sexy and she’s just swagged out. And she's got that whole Sri Lankan vibe. Her and Brooke Candy are my favorites out of everybody you've shown me thus far.

When did you first hear MIA?
“Paper Planes.” And then when this video came out, everyone was talking about it, so I got on YouTube and watched it... Was that car really doing that?

Yeah. From what I hear, they really do that.
Wow. I wish she didn’t settle down and have a baby. But she went and got her some money and that’s real... Are they on skates?

Looks like plain old sneakers to me.
Boy, what are you talking about? Sneakers? I love how they have her chain bouncing on her chest. That’s crazy. Her videos are empowering.

Does it ever surprise you when you see people interpreting rap, a culture that you’ve been a part of, and spit it back at you in different ways?
I think it’s cool. It’s inspiring to know that people are watching you everywhere.

DIE ANTWOORD'S "BABIES ON FIRE"

But I don’t think this is dope. It’s weird. She looks like a fucking freak.

ANGEL HAZE'S "WERKIN' GIRLS"

OK, moving on to Angel Haze. What do you think?
To me she kind of sounds like Nicki Minaj.

Is that played out?
I don’t think it’s played out, I just think it’s Nicki. It’s that whole New York thing.

I think she’s from LA actually. That’s what’s weird about rap today and the internet. Regional sounds have kind of faded away.
She’s cool. I would need to hear some more to tell if I'm really into her.

She’s definitely a spitter, but it takes more than great bars to make a good song. When you write, how do you approach hooks?
Man, those hooks are not easy to write. It has to fall off your tongue. You can’t think too hard and you just have to go with it. Sometimes when you’re writing those lyrical songs you have to take a step back. That’s why Gucci Mane has been able to stay relevant for so long, he just says whatever. Gucci just raps. Literally. He freestyle raps. And I think sometimes when you write hooks and stuff like that, especially if you’re a rapper, you should just let it roll out of you. That’s how I write a lot of hooks. I just let it roll. Sometimes you have to—not dumb it down—but make it people friendly.

For sure. Thanks, Gangsta Boo!

Gangsta Boo has a new mixtape dropping this month called It's Game Involved, which she assures us will mark the return of Ms. Yeah Hoe. Look out for it on LiveMixtapes.

For more rap stuff from Wilbert, check these out:

Never Party with the Brick Squad

Gunplay Doesn't Fear the Pine Box or Prison

A$AP Rocky and Jeremy Scott Schooled Me on How to Be a Pretty Motherfucker

The Underachievers Talk About Stop-and-Frisk and Kimani Gray

There came a point on Thursday afternoon—after learning that Toronto mayor Rob Ford had taken some time off from an important city-council meeting to wander around a parking lot sticking "Rob Ford" magnets to cars—that I figured it would be time to update you about the ongoing saga that is Robbie’s intoxicated reign over the Kingdom of Toronto. Way back when, before the already infamous crack-cocaine scandal of May 2013, the magnet controversy of 24 hours earlier didn’t seem so important. That is, of course, until Gawker broke the story that some guy, somewhere, has a video of King Robbie smoking crack from a glass pipe. And the footage is for sale. Until someone buys it, you can always watch the Taiwanese CGI reenactment.

Gawker—who have decided that this is not an “alleged” or “supposed” crack-smoking incident, given that they’ve got a graphic that reads “Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Smokes Crack” on their homepage—have caused a major firestorm for King Robbie the First in the City of Toronto. The Toronto Star, an ungrateful and petulant organization that is hell-bent on taking down the mayor, has viewed the tape “three times” but was clearly too cheap to buy it and stream it for the royal subjects of the Rob Ford empire. Plus, according to them, they saw this video on May 3. Why keep all this crack-smoking mayhem a secret? And what kind of incompetent blackmail-video salesman is behind this controversy? How can you mess up on monetizing such a golden piece of footage? One must assume they’re ready to let it go at fire-sale prices right now.

But, regardless, the Star claims they were shown the video—that allegedly shows Rob Ford raising a “lighter and [moving] it in a circle motion beneath the pipe”—by a “group of Somali men” who are “involved in the drug trade.” Apparently these upstanding gentlemen showed the Star their all-of-a-sudden infamous footage, wherein Rob Ford allegedly calls Justin Trudeau a “fag,” audibly says, regarding the cell phone that was recording him, “that better not be on,” and allegedly refers to the players on his beloved high school football team (in a mumbly tone) as “just fucking minorities.” Since all this has broken, Rob Ford has denied it, but is probably angry at his buddy Don Cherry for foreshadowing this whole situation when he told a council meeting in 2010 to “put that in your pipe, you left-wing kooks.” We know now that Don Cherry was probably referring to street drugs.

So this is all quite sad and lame, huh? What’s worse is that these drug-dealing blackmailers—who have captivated the attention of the media very quickly—also have a photo of Rob Ford chilling with (who many believe to be) a Toronto drug dealer who died during a gang-related shooting outside of a Toronto club. Now, I don’t really know what your background is, reader, but I do not encounter many crack dealing gangsters in my day-to-day life; because I generally avoid smoking crack. The fact that our King was hanging around crack dealers is a bit fucked up and suspicious—and that’s the beauty of it all.

If you could actually use your brain and flex your critical-thinking muscles for a minute, you’d realize that Rob Ford is currently at the center of the world’s most elaborate antidrug campaign. Think about it, sheeple. What does a man with royal blood have to gain from such a bland position as mayor of Toronto? A man with the intellectual pedigree of Rob Ford and the body of Chris Farley does not require the miserable salary and excruciating hours (which he does not keep, but, whatever) of a mayoral position to maintain his profile or accumulate wealth. This crack-smokin’ hullabaloo is simply an example of performance art, in which we are all part of the audience.

Toronto evidently has a cocaine problem that Rob Ford is trying to expose. By planting himself in a room full of crack-loving drug dealers while some random dude films him on a cell phone and gets Robbie to say crazy, racist shit, Rob Ford has presented the planet with a POV look at what it’s really like to ho your life out for a glass dick. We should be thankful that we all have such an excellent role model like Robbie to show us what pathways to never, ever go down. Because that’s what a mayor is for! If anything, this is just an elaborate callback to the great comedian Marion Barry whom Rob Ford is known to idolize.*

So don’t buy into the tabloid narrative that somehow it’s a bad thing to have a crack-smoking mayor who appears to be totally chill about being filmed while his lips are wrapped around the smoky nozzle of a crack pipe. Those people over at Gawker who are trying to make this into such a big deal don’t know what they’re talking about. Because they’re American. Canadians have much different standards for education, humor, and acceptable crack use in the political arena.

Or maybe King Robbie isn’t so infallible after all. It was all fun and games when he managed to get fired and come back from the dead, or when he was posing for crappy photos inside of sports cars he doesn't own, but now the guy is being secretly filmed doing hard drugs in a sketchy apartment. Perhaps it’s not a joke after all. Maybe King Robbie needs help.*

*Safe assumption.

Follow Patrick on Twitter: @patrickmcguire

Previously:

Rob Ford Has a Terrible Photographer

Rob Ford, the World's Greatest Mayor, Has Conquered His Adversaries

Watch more at the VICE show page and check out VICE on HBO every Friday at 11 PM.

I arrived in Jerusalem on Nakba Day expecting shit to get wild. But the speed with which the demonstration went from zero to fucked shocked even me, a relative veteran of the West Bank protest scene. 

Nakba Day is the bleak mirror image of Israeli Independence Day. Where Israelis celebrate the founding of their state on Independence Day, Nakba (a word that translates as "catastrophe") Day commemorates the 750,000 Palestinians who were forced from their homes when Israel became a state in 1948. Roughly one-third of the refugees and their children (now numbering around 5 million) continue to live in refugee camps 65 years later.

The Israeli government, of course, is not all that happy about large groups of people banding together to shout about the creation of their state being a catastrophe, and Nakba Day demonstrations are often marked by violence. The largest Nakba Day gathering this year was in Jerusalem, although clashes also broke out in Hebron, Bethlehem, and several other points around the West Bank. Luckily, they weren't even comparable to scenes in 2011, when Israeli police shot dead 13 pro-Palestine demonstrators, but that's not to say there wasn't still a disturbing amount of violence.

This year kicked off quietly enough at the Damascus Gate, the main entrance to the Muslim Quarter of Jerusalem's old city. About 100 Palestinians were gathered, waving flags and chanting. I sat there for about an hour and was just getting bored enough to wander off in search of a falafel when everyone jumped up and started running out to the street. 

A much larger Nakba Day march was headed toward the Damascus Gate and the Palestinian demonstrators were rushing to meet it. The police had been watching calmly until that point, but as soon as the two groups met it was like some high-pitched police whistle had been blown that awoke them from their ennui and immediately made them really angry and unnecessarily violent. 

Cops on horseback, a favorite in Jerusalem, came out of nowhere and began trying to run down everyone in sight—Palestinian, Israeli, international, demonstrator, journalist, passer-by—literally anyone with feet. The fact that the groups had converged right in front of a police station didn't help the situation much, and riot cops were soon swarming the scene like heavily armed fire ants keen to bash up some Palestinian skulls. And that's exactly what they did: beat up and arrest a bunch of Palestinians at random. 

Busloads of Palestinians came in from all over Israel and I chatted to a guy from Nazareth for a while. He told me that his bus had arrived early in the morning so people could pray at al-Aqsa mosque, but that they'd been turned away by Israeli police. "I had a Palestinian flag. They called me a terrorist," he said.

I hung around for a while taking pictures and trying to avoid being run down by the giant, demonic warhorses with weird ankle fringes, until I noticed people shouting at something down the street.

Industrious photographer that I am, I ran as fast as I could to see what was happening, dodging the other rubberneckers to get a better look. I ran out into the middle of the street and came face-to-face with a skunk truck. If you're not aware of what a "skunk truck" is, it's basically a truck that drives around at protests spraying something that smells worse than liquid shit at protesters. Imagine if you left a potato to rot for a year, mashed up that toxic musk with the contents of a curry-festival porta-potty and used the liquid to marinate a charred, decaying horse. You're now maybe halfway to understanding how bad this stuff reeks. 

Watching the spray shoot out of the truck, I tried to skid to a stop. But since the ground was already wet with the muck, I skidded right onto my ass instead. Horrified, it took me a moment to realize that they had switched the skunk out of the skunk truck and replaced it with normal water. Apparently it's fine to spray it all over Palestine, but they can't foul up the beautiful streets of Jerusalem since the smell hangs around for weeks and is impossible to clean. 

The water cannon was directing all its energy at a single middle-aged woman waving a Palestinian flag. I watched it spray her head-on at least ten times while she held her ground and continued waving the flag, apparently completely unfazed. 

A few at a time, the demonstrators managed to make their way around the cops and headed back to Damascus Gate, where the violence intensified even more. People gathered in groups, waving flags and chanting until dozens of police stormed the square, beating and/or arresting everyone they could catch. The demonstrators would run away, forcing the cops to chase them, and then circle back for another round of chanting until the police came back and the cycle started all over again.

At one point, I saw a guy hit a cop with a flag—the flag itself, not the stick it was hanging from, meaning he basically brushed the cop with a cloth. Because of that reprehensible offense, the entire police force went completely ape-shit. Around a dozen cops with machine guns chased the guy down, cornered him, threw him to the ground, and dragged him off screaming.

At one point, a female Palestinian journalist in a hijab was taking pictures of a cop when, without any kind of warning, he grabbed her and hurled her roughly to the ground, looking incredibly proud of himself as he did it. The woman was less than five feet tall and couldn't have weighed a third of what the cop did.

Protesters started to throw stones and glass bottles at the police. The "Palestinian stone-thrower" is often trotted out in pro-Israel media as a terrorist archetype, used to justify all sorts of brutality against demonstrations in the West Bank. But the police were beating people up for at least an hour before I saw the first stone fly, making it appear less an act of terrorism and more an act of improvised (and let's face it, ineffectual) self-defense.

After a couple hours of beatings, arrests, sound bombs, and water cannons, it seemed like things had started to calm down a little. Back at the Damascus Gate, I ran into a friend of mine—a community organizer from Palestinian East Jerusalem.

"What do you think?" I asked her. 

"I'm happy," she said. 

"Even with all the violence?"

"I'm happy because of the violence. This never happens in Jerusalem."

I could see her point. The fact that the police resorted to such extreme measures meant that the demonstration had made an impact. If there hadn't been such a large turnout, there wouldn't have been clashes. The police could have tossed a sound bomb or two and called it a day. But the massive number of demonstrators provoked a heavy-handed police response, which can definitely be seen as a victory from a non-violent-resistance point of view. 

I went off looking for some food when everybody went crazy again. The cops began firing a massive amount of sound bombs, injuring at least one person that I saw. They brought in a second water truck, and with a couple of colleagues, I ended up crouched behind a fruit stand while the truck blasted water at us, three foreign photographers clearly doing nothing dangerous. I got soaked but managed to keep my camera dry, which I'm calling a victory. 

As we finally piled into the car and made our way home, I thought about the Jerusalem Day celebration that I'd covered the week before. For Jerusalem Day, the cops shut down the entire Muslim section of the old city, confining people to their homes to accommodate thousands of flag-waving Israelis marching to the Wailing Wall. But switch out the Israeli flags for Palestinian ones and the response is noticeably different.

Just normal life in Jerusalem. Sixty-five years on and every Palestinian demonstration is still a catastrophe. 

Follow Andy on Twitter: @HanDetenido

More from Israel and Palestine:

Dancing Idiots, Rubber Bullets and Candy Floss at this Year's Passover in Hebron

Israel's Radical Left

One Young Druze Vs. the Entire Israeli Army

You likely already know how overcrowded and abusive the US prison system is, and you probably are also aware that the US has more people in prison than even China or Russia. In this age of privatization, of course, it’s also not surprising that many of the detention centers are not actually operated by the government, but by for-profit companies. So clearly, some people are making lots and lots of money off the booming business of keeping human beings in cages.   

But who are these people?

Using NASDAQ data, I looked through the long list of investors in Corrections Corporation of America and GEO Group, the two biggest corporations that operate detention centers in the US, to find out who was cashing in the most on prisons. When we say “prison-industrial complex,” this is who we’re talking about.

Henri Wedell
The individual who’s invested the most in private prisons is Henri Wedell, who started serving on CCA’s board of directors in 2000, when the company was struggling with scandals related to prisoner abuse and mismanagement. He now owns more than 650,000 shares in the company, which is far more successful these days. Those shares are worth more than $25 million.

I called Wedell to ask him what it was like to make a fortune from the incarceration of others, and whether it bothered him to profit off a system that puts more people in prison than any other country in the world.

“America is the freest country in the world,” he told me. “America allows more freedom than any other country in the world, much more than Russia and a whole lot more than Scandinavia, where they really aren’t free. So offering all this freedom to society, there’ll be a certain number of people, more in this country than elsewhere, who take advantage of that freedom, abuse it, and end up in prison. That happens because we are so free in this country.”

Presumably, when he’s referring to all the freedom Americans have, he’s not including the 80,000 inmates in 60 prisons operated by CCA.

George Zoley
Another prison profiteer who presumably has no moral qualms about the business is George Zoley, the CEO of GEO Group and the second-biggest investor in the incarceration industry. In fact, he’s so proud of his business, which has committed a laundry list of human rights abuses, he tried to get a college football stadium named after it.

Zoley made nearly $6 million last year through salary and bonuses alone, but the real money is in stocks—he owns more than 500,000 shares in GEO, and he has made $23 million in stock trades during one 18-month period. But you can’t accuse him of not earning his pay, exactly. GEO saw a 56 percent spike in profits in the first quarter of 2013, and the company’s executives reassured investors that the incarceration rate wouldn’t be dropping any time soon when announcing its earnings. Zoley will be mega rich for years to come.

Jeremy Mindich and Matt Sirovich
Both Wedell and Zoley are big donors to the Republican party, but that doesn’t mean those from the left side of the aisle can’t play their game. Matt Sirovich and Jeremy Mindich both donate to Democratic politicians and are involved with progressive-leaning organizations like Root Capital, a nonprofit lending company that offers loans to farmers in developing countries to alleviate poverty.

Their day job, however, is running Scopia Capital, a hedge fund that is the one of the largest shareholders of GEO Group. The fund owns about $300 million in shares in that company, which represents 12 percent of its entire portfolio. Like Zoley, they are good at what they do—their fund outperformed the market by 20 percentage points, and the State of New Jersey hired Scopia to manage $150 million worth of pensions.

I called them up to ask their thoughts about being politically liberal but heavily invested in private prisons, but Mindich refused to answer any questions and Sirovich was unavailable.

It should be pointed out that while being far to the left politically might seem incompatible with investing in prisons (or managing a hedge fund in the first place), the Democratic party is totally fine with the incarceration rate. Although Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan are largely responsible for the drug-war policies that caused the prison population to skyrocket, Bill Clinton was a “tough on crime” president who continued their ideas. And Vice President Joe Biden was a principal player in the Clinton era’s crime policies—he wrote the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, which, among other things, called for $9.7 billion in increased funding for prisons and stiffer penalties for drug offenders.

Though the US prison population is shrinking slightly, the number of inmates in federal lockup is increasing, and while Obama keeps saying he’s ending the war on drugs, he’s also proposed budgets that call for increasing the amount of money spent on the Bureau of Prisons. So it’s not such a stretch that a Democratic donor would also be in the men-in-cages industry.

Retired People and Probably You
The Vanguard Group and Fidelity Investments are America’s top two 401(k) providers. They are also two of the private prison industry’s biggest investors.

Together, they own about 20 percent of both CCA and GEO. That means if you have a 401(k) plan, there’s a good chance you benefit financially from private prisons. And even if you don’t, there are many more mutual funds, brokerage firms, and banks that invest in private prisons—it being a growth industry and all—so if you have money somewhere other than your wallet or your mattress, it’s a good bet you’re involved in some way with companies that are locking up and probably abusing inmates.

This is especially true for government employees like public school teachers because their retirement funds are some of the biggest investors in private prisons. According to NASDAQ data, the retirement funds for public employees and teachers in New York and California together have about $60 million ($30 million each) invested in CCA and GEO. Teacher retirement funds in Texas and Kentucky have $8.3 million and $4 million invested in prisons respectively, and public employees in Florida ($10.3 million), Ohio ($8.6 million), Texas ($5.6 million), Arizona ($5.3 million), and Colorado ($2.25 million) are also connected to the industry. Except for New York, which has only one privately run detention facility, each of these states has several prisons run by CCA and GEO Group facilities. And it’s not just Americans who have ties to prisons. Foreign investors have money in them as well, including the pension fund for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, which recently sold off its $5.1 million worth of GEO Group stock.

Most of these employees are probably unaware that their pensions are tied to prisons—and it’s hard to say that these are “bad” investments from a purely capitalistic perspective, since these prisons are making money hand over fist. The private prison industry is entrenched in our society. And the only way to make sure that we’re not individually and collectively profiting off of it is to close these things.  

Follow Ray on Twitter: @RayDowns

More on prisons:

Prisons I’ve Known and Yelped

Don’t Get Caught

Why Can’t We Cane Criminals?

Four years ago, we made a film called Inside Afghanistan with veteran war reporter Ben Anderson. Since then, we've enjoyed a harmonious, fruitful relationship that mostly involves Ben hanging out in war zones and sending us amazing stories from the front line. The latest feature Ben put together is the film This Is What Winning Looks Like (below), which documents his time embedded in the Afghan National Army and Afghan National Police as they prepare to take over policing of the country when allied forces withdraw in 2014.

What Ben found was a police force riddled with corruption—openly admitting to kidnapping and sexually molesting young boys, selling their weapons, pulling down the sides of their bases to sell for scrap metal, and smoking hash and heroin while on patrol—and an army still misunderstanding the rules of engagement after all these years of combat. None of those exactly being ideal when you're in charge of making sure an entire country stays on track.             

At 11 AM today, Ben's going to be doing a Reddit AMA, where you can ask him about anything from his new film—which is currently sitting at the top of Reddit's documentary section, BTW—and the five years he spent embedded with British and American troops in Afghanistan, his hanging out with deportees and pimps in Cambodia, covering gang wars in El Salvador, and spending time with third generation Agent Orange victims in Vietnam. And a bunch of other insane/interesting/dangerous stuff he's done throughout his career.               

Here's where you want to go to do all that.

(via)

The incident: A man named Barry Swegle became upset about a fence his neighbor had installed. 

The appropriate response: Talking it out with the neighbor, if that doesn't work, maybe contacting a local council or something. If that doesn't work, smashing down the fence when your neighbor isn't home then denying all knowledge.

The actual response: Barry got into a bulldozer and partially leveled his neighborhood. 

Apparently the fence, which was installed by Barry's neighbor several months ago, was blocking Barry from being able to move his logging equipment in and out of his driveway in the small town of Port Angeles, Washington. 

This caused some kind of dispute between the neighbors, which, according to Barry's brother, turned Barry into "a ticking time bomb."

On Monday, Time Bomb Barry exploded. He got into his bulldozer and smashed down the fence. But his rampage didn't end there, he carried on rampaging and destroyed four houses, a boat, a truck, and knocked down a telephone pole. 

Once he was all rampaged out, Barry was arrested and charged with two counts of first-degree assault and six counts of first-degree malicious mischief.

Cry-Baby #2: Monroe County, Pennsylvania 

Criminal mooning?

(via Reddit)

The incident: 18-year-old high school senior Larry Liero mooned a couple of kids. 

The appropriate response: Nothing. Mooning is funny. I guess if it was really bothering the kids, they could have yelled at Larry or something. 

The actual response: Larry was suspended from school and arrested.  

According to police, Larry mooned two 13-year-old girls who were being taken on a tour of his school, Pleasant Valley High School in Monroe County, Pennsylvania. 

The mooning victims told their teacher, who told school officials, who told the school-resource police pfficer.

Larry was escorted from the school in handcuffs and taken to the local police station, where he was charged with disorderly conduct and open lewdness. He was also barred from taking part in his school's graduation ceremony and suspended. His charges could lead to a year in prison.

In a statement, Doug Arnold, the school district's superintendent said, "It's a violation of law not to keep your clothes on. It's unacceptable in school." He added, "I don't know that anybody would condone mooning someone"—suggesting that Doug knows some really, really fucking boring people. 

Who is the bigger cry-baby up in here? Let us know in this poll:

Previously: The school that suspended a kid for being a kid Vs. the farm that fired some people for being sensible

Winner: The school!!!

@JLCT

Click to enlarge.

Previously - The Overtime Secret

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Caleb "Kai" Lawrence McGillvary with Jimmy Kimmel. Photo via Facebook

Remember Kai? The hatchet-wielding hobo of SMASHH!! SMAAASSHHH!! SAAAMAASHHH!! fame? The guy who made headlines after stopping some psycho who claimed he was Jesus Christ and ran over a bystander before attacking a group of women? Well, now Kai's wanted for murder.

ABC Local is reporting that an arrest warrant is out for Lawrence in connection with the murder of one Joseph Galry, who was found dead in his home on May 13. Reports are spotty, but authorities are considering Lawrence, last seen on Tuesday, to be armed and dangerous. He was last seen at a rail yard near Haddonfield, New Jersey. No matter the outcome, it's a truly bizarre and tragic twist to the "home-free" tale of everyone's favorite hatchet-wielding hobo, who it's been said harbors a bit of a violent streak. As he told told VICE last month, recalling busting up another guy after the Jesus incident: 

He was on a trip of dominance and control. I think he had a poisoned psyche. I've heard some of the research that people have been doing about his life and apparently he was a high school basketball coach for girls. That is fucked up. That truly sickens me. When I hear stuff about him getting jumped by six guys in a Fresno County jail and getting his jaw broken, I'm not going to lie to you, I celebrate that. People like that need to be fucking stopped.

For now, all we have are these words, which Lawrence put on Facebook two days ago:

what would you do if you woke up with a groggy head, metallic taste in your mouth, in a strangers [sic] house... walked to the mirror and seen come dripping from the side of your face from your mouth, and started wretching, realizing that someone had drugged, raped, and blown their fuckin [sic] load in you? what would you do?

Read the rest over at the new Motherboard.VICE.com. 

You've probably been asking yourself a lot of tough questions lately. "What does it all mean?" "What is the purpose of my existence?" "What happens when I die?" "Where can I see a great standup comedy show where some of the comics are VICE contributors, and do I even deserve something that cool?" Finally, we have an answer to one of your questions.

NEWS

AUSTERITY'S DRUG OF CHOICE

Sisa Is Destroying the Lives of Athens’s Homeless People

By Alex Miller

A meeting with an anarchist in Exarcheia, a district of Athens. Photos by Henry Langston.

Standing in the Athens police headquarters, interviewing the director of the drug unit, I realised I had a bag of chemically enhanced crystal meth in my pocket. I’d bought it the night before from a Greek homeless man and had forgotten to throw it away. After the interview, I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette, which is when some officers noticed the film crew I had brought along, who were recording from a distance. 

Minutes later the cops dragged us into a holding room, the little packet of drugs still stuffed in my pants. They made some calls, glared at us and eventually, reluctantly, released us – without ever searching me, thankfully. On my way out, I threw the baggie into the first garbage can I passed.

Several Greek police stations have been firebombed in recent months, so the cops have reason to be nervous, especially when they notice that they are being filmed. On our first evening in Athens, a different group of officers approached us and, after spotting our film crew down the street, demanded to see our papers. They deleted our footage and detained us for a couple of hours, until we’d managed to get our passports delivered to the station. Greece is a paranoid place at the moment. The police, fascists, anarchists, dealers and drug users are all fighting for local supremacy and no one trusts anyone else. 

The night before our close call at the Athens police headquarters, I was approached by a group of homeless people, one of whom was smoking some horrible-smelling stuff through what appeared to be a meth bowl made from an old lightbulb. Although I don’t speak Greek, I managed to let him know that I wanted to buy some of the drug, colloquially known as sisa. The homeless guy wandered off with my five-euro note, and afterward an old man grabbed my arm and shouted, “No, no take! Very bad.” I wasn’t going to smoke it, but I was very curious about Greece’s infamous new drug. 

In 2012, Charalampos Poulopoulos, director of KETHEA, a government-funded antidrug, rehabilitation organisation, authored a research paper titled “Economic Crisis in Greece: Risks and Challenges for Drug Policy and Strategy” for the journal Drugs and Alcohol Today. In it, he detailed the ways the Greek economic disaster has exacerbated drug use in the country, claiming that “rates of drug and alcohol consumption... as well as the associated mental-health problems are set to rise the longer the recession continues.” At its essence, the report provides data for the obvious: the instability that results from widespread and increasing nationwide poverty leads to hopelessness, health problems, and self-medication by way of street drugs. 

“In the last two years drug users have become more self-destructive,” Charalampos wrote. “Especially in the region of Athens where the effects of economic crisis are more obvious.” According to him, it was around this time that sisa emerged on the market.

The basic ingredient of sisa is methamphetamine. Addicts have reported that it can also contain filler ingredients like battery acid, engine oil, shampoo and cooking salt. “There is no official data on that,” Charalampos told me. “The General Chemical State Laboratory of Greece hasn’t gotten enough samples to reach any conclusions yet.” 

Whatever’s in it, in many ways sisa is the epitome of an austerity drug. The majority of its users are poor, often homeless, city dwellers reeling from the psychological and physical impacts of a country in the grip of total economic collapse. In a country so broke that upper-middle-class families reportedly ate their Christmas dinners in unheated homes so they could afford a turkey, many users’ habits have become unsustainable. Addicts who’ve been priced out of using smack, crack, and meth have turned to sisa, which costs as little as two euros a hit.

As with most cheap highs, sisa comes with some nasty side effects, including “insomnia, delusions, heart attacks and aggressiveness,” according to Charalampos. “It’s often compared with cocaine,” he said, though it acts faster, and the effects last longer than coke. “It’s the drug of the streets, produced in home-based laboratories.” 

Sisa is the latest grim example in a global trend toward mass-produced synthetic drugs, from the skin-eating opiate cocktail krokodil in Siberia to South Africa’s new fascination with getting high from souped-up anti-AIDS meds to the bath-salts craze in America and the UK. These are cheap, DIY highs, so it’s no wonder that in poverty-stricken Greece, sisa has found a natural home. 

Kapodistriou Street, a long road in the center of Athens, where sisa users congregate.

The day we arrived in Athens, we approached a man as we walked through Exarcheia, a district that’s traditionally been home to anarchists and is now known for its high concentration of addicts. The man was glaring at the sky, shouting. I thought he was screaming at God, but it turned out he was just yelling about a broken traffic light. Cars swept past, their drivers giving him no opportunity to beg at their windows. He was inconsolable, flitting between rage and tears, but after I bought him an orange juice, he chilled out, said his name was Konstantinos and told me all about sisa. 

“The cocaine of the poor! It’s the cocaine of the poor!” he shouted. He said that people he knew who smoked too much were losing limbs. “If you smoke it for six months, you’ll be dead,” he said. He claimed that he wasn’t a user, but the next day I bumped into him again and he beckoned for me to follow, squatted behind a car and smoked a pipe full of sisa. It was the middle of the afternoon.

Sisa has become something of an urban legend in Athens; everyone knows it exists, but no one knows exactly what it is. The only people with any real understanding of it are its users, the police who bust them and the dealers who fuel the epidemic. The rest of the country is too busy trying to ignore the country’s 58 percent youth-unemployment rate, the rise of the far right and the extreme left, an increasingly ineffective legal system, a political class reduced to selling the nation’s islands and the European Union’s demands for austerity measures that may or may not be working. As such, reports about sisa in the Greek media have been rare.

“We found out about sisa from a paper by the European Center of Disease Prevention in November,” said Dani Vergou, the health editor of the newspaper Efsyn. Sisa was a mystery to her. She’d heard rumours, but “there’s not much research from the Greek authorities or the Ministry of Health. It just sounds dangerous.” 

In the streets, though, people know all about it. On Kapodistriou Street, one of the most popular junkie hangouts in Athens, I met Kostas, Stathis and Panagiotis – chronically homeless addicts who have been trying to kick sisa, without much success. 

“There’s three ways you can take sisa,” said Stathis, who’s in his 40s. “With a pipe, with a syringe or with a piece of aluminum, and I’ve seen people snorting it as well. But let me say that if you shoot it, you don’t have long to live. It destroys all vital organs from the inside.” I asked him if he knew of anyone who had died from taking it.

“Many,” Stathis said. “I know too many. For some, their innards rotted… It might give you other sorts of sicknesses, it might hit your liver, your heart, kidneys... anywhere.” 

A bag of sisa we bought for $6.50. We suspect we were ripped off.  

The three of them spoke darkly about sisa. “When I had it for the first time, it freaked me out,” Panagiotis said. “I didn’t like it. It tensed me up, I didn’t feel good at all.”

“It melts you,” Kostas said. “It hits others in their nervous system. It creates wounds on the body that don’t heal, they never close. It starts like a pimple and instead of healing, it grows. Even the user’s face is full of holes.” 

“You see 50- to 60-year-old guys addicted to sisa. Men, women, wherever you look, sisa,” Panagiotis bleakly added. “Everywhere in Athens: alleys, squares, smoking all day long and looking for more sisa. You don’t hear about heroin anymore, or weed or pills. This is because sisa is a cheap drug… For me sisa is the drug that will destroy Greece.”

Later the trio took us to the Off Club, a day center for sisa addicts, where the attendants handed us zine-like comic books about the dangers of the drug. The club is located just off Exarcheia Square, which is cluttered with coffee shops, bars, gangs, teens, immigrants and others on society’s margins. Near the square is the enormous building that houses Athens Polytechnic, one of Greece’s most prestigious universities, and where, in 1973, the military sent tanks to break up an antigovernment protest, resulting in 24 deaths. The police don’t patrol around here much; instead they stay in their riot vans on the square’s outskirts, smoking cigarettes, submachine guns hanging from their shoulders. A few anarchists I met harbour a conspiracy theory that the police themselves are behind the influx of sisa into the neighbourhood.

In a nearby bar, we met a notorious young anarchist who we’ll call Alcander. In 2008, during the anarchist riots, he allegedly manufactured gasoline bombs and handed them out en masse. Two years ago, Alcander noticed that homeless drug addicts were acting differently; then he had the shit kicked out of him by a group of people he claimed were users. He said that he directly blames sisa for their wanton aggression, and the way he spoke about the drug made it sound demonic. “How can I tell if someone’s a sisa user? It’s easy – they’re unbalanced, unstable, like a psychopath. They have crazy eyes, are talking to themselves and they are very aggressive. I think sisa is the worst drug in the world.”

I asked him why he thought local police officers were behind the distribution of the potentially fatal narcotic. “Some of [the users] came to us and said that the police told them to go to Exarcheia. They said, ‘We cannot do it anywhere else, they send us away from all the other territories, all the other squares. They said go to Exarcheia.’” 

“So you believe it’s political?” I asked. 

“Yeah, this whole social movement is starting to rise up, and they want to have an excuse to come in as a savior for the residents... They’ve done it before, like two decades ago with heroin.”

Greek anarchists have already begun fighting back against the sisa epidemic by coordinating attacks on dealers and users in an attempt to clean up their neighbourhoods. “We want the children to play in Exarcheia Square and not have to worry about drug dealing,” Alcander said. Their goal doesn’t seem like it will be met any time soon, however. Users are scattered throughout the city and, presumably, other parts of the country. And over the course of our visit, sisa dealers appeared out of nowhere to sell their wares before charging off just as abruptly. 

According to Alcander, some women in the area have been raped by sisa addicts. However, this could be a rumour inspired by the idea that sisa fuels sexual appetites – a description that some addicts agree with. Konstantinos said that after he smokes sisa, he usually ends up having wild, violent sex. And he wasn’t bragging; he looked upset about it.

A sisa user smoking his pipe on Kapodistriou Street.

As recently as 2009, it was a rarity to see homeless people in Athens. But since then, homelessness in Greece has gone up 25 percent, according to Greek activists, and today, a drive through the city feels like touring a never-ending Skid Row. The police have even started throwing the homeless in the back of vans and driving them out of Athens to Amigdaleza, an immigrant detention center, in an effort they’ve dubbed Operation Thetis, after Achilles’s mother. The word thetiko, taken from her name, means “positive”, but in the minds of the homeless people it targets and those who work with them, it’s nothing short of fascistic. 

“This is crazy policing,” said Charalambos. “It pushes people with the problems to the margins, and toward criminal behaviour.” While we were in Greece, the homeless people we spoke to claimed that at least twice a day, the police were conducting sweeps through the center of Athens to round up the homeless and drug addicts.

“We don’t know where they’re taking them or what they’re doing it for,” said one social worker, as I accompanied her on her nightly tours of addict hot spots. “It’s a mystery.” She was being coy; it was obvious what she thought the police were doing: cleansing the streets of undesirables. 

A couple days later, we visited Kannigos Square, where prostitutes, addicts and drug dealers (who, we’d been warned, were often armed) congregated. The atmosphere was tense: earlier that day, about 20 uniformed policemen had rounded up the homeless situated throughout the square and loaded them into three large buses. When we arrived, plainclothes cops were still milling around a crowd of tweaked-out sisa and heroin users. 

The sergeant who had detained us and deleted our footage when we arrived in Athens was also there, so we hid our cameras and approached his colleagues. They told to us inquire at the local headquarters, which is how I ended up accidentally bringing sisa into a Greek police station, where I met George Kastanis, the director of the Athens narcotics division. He said that he thinks sisa originated in Africa and Asia, and although he told me he was increasingly worried about its popularity, he didn’t believe the drug was turning users into violent maniacs and rapists, which matched up with my own impressions – very few of the addicts I met had showed any signs of aggression. When I asked George about Operation Thetis, he told me that it had been enacted only once. 

“But I saw something this morning that looked a lot like a sweep of the streets. Was that Thetis?” I asked. 

“No. It’s something completely different,” George answered, adding that these detainees are taken to police stations where the cops check for outstanding warrants against them, and that most of the time, they’re set free after an hour and a half. When I asked him whether he believed schemes like Operation Thetis were useful, he looked as though the question made him uncomfortable and said, “I’m a policeman – I follow orders.”

The follwing day, before returning home, we bumped into Konstantinos again and took him to a bakery to get him some lunch. We stood in the sun, eating small, honey-covered balls of dough, while Konstantinos tried to explain something in broken English. He kept running his finger across his neck to clarify his point, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. He was a nice guy, the son of a prostitute who said he’d always been surrounded by drugs, whose quality of life had become immeasurably worse since Greece’s financial collapse. We gave him prints of some photos he’d asked for earlier, and he left smiling, saying he loved us. 

“You know what he was trying to tell you before?” my translator asked me later. “That he loved you, but if you’d approached him in English that day underneath the traffic light, he would have got his sisa dealers to kill you for your cameras.” 

Watch our new documentary, Sisa: Cocaine of the Poor, now on VICE.com

Read more about drugs on VICE:

Internet Psychonauts Try All the Drugs You Don't Want To

New Frontiers of Sobriety

We Can't Get High Like We Used To