Chris Nieratko reviews the best in porn.
When I was 19, I had a casual Mrs. Robinson thing going on with a wonderful woman in her 40s from Easton, Pennsylvania, home of Crayola crayons. Over the course of our relationship I got to know some of her younger friends who skated, and we'd often hit u…
A good buddy I grew up skateboarding with just had his penis surgically removed, and Mickey Rourke made him do it. As kids there was no one we wanted to be more than The Pope of Greenwich Village– and 9½ Weeks–era Mickey Rourke.
The spring of 2000 was a different time. It was an age of innocence before George W. Bush destroyed humanity and before one could watch pornography on a cell phone in an airplane bathroom to calm in-flight nerves.
The tagline for this Walking Dead porno parody is "A jizz shot was the only sure-fire way to return these undead creatures to the grave!" It reminds me of some advice I was given in my youth on how to avoid impregnating girls: "You can't get a mout…
Regardless of how much I enjoy sporting a Hitler mustache and making jokes at the expense of old Hitzy, there was never a time when I was mildly interested in the KKK, even for comedic value; I hate white people just as much as the next guy.
Judging from the variety of pornographic storytelling I've closely examined and reviewed over the years, a lot of romances spark in the schoolhouse. I've always thought PTA meetings would be a good place to creep out on hot MILFs.
The biggest scam in Rio de Janeiro is that the sexy topless prostitutes shaking their boobs and butts at you on the street corners are actually men. Or were men. Now she-men. But goddamn if they aren't convincing.
There are people who are cursed with incurable diseases, missing limbs, small penises... I feel no pity for them because my curse is far worse than anything found in a medical encyclopedia. My curse is that I'm never seated next to a beautiful woman on an a…