SPERM SPEED

Scientists have found the molecule that controls sperm speed.

By WILLIAM NIGH

Have you always longed for super fast semen? Pined for super-fertility? Well, luckily for you there are scientists working around the clock to make a wonder drug tailor specifically for your seminal needs. Researchers in California have found the molecule responsible for sperm speed. Pretty soon you’ll have more than one way to motorboat.

Unfortunately this discovery has no effect on the power or distance one can launch their baby batter. For that you still need Volumize or Exxxtenzor or whatever that shit’s called. But you don’t need that stuff anyway: love yourself for who you are, even if you’re a blank-shooting, limp-dick wuss.

By WILLIAM NIGH 2 years ago

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