I'll never be free and comfortable enough to dance in the tall grass, do a handstand, or ecstatically climb a tree while bleeding.
A British politician summed it up perfectly when he said, "If you want the American dream, go to Finland."
For years, a typical Monday morning would see me covered in my own piss, vomit, and vodka.
We talk to Nicholas Albertus, the man behind XL-Dating, Handicap-Dating, and 46 other dating websites.
The founder of Denmark's National Party wants to build a country of inclusion and open-mindedness.
We asked our European VICE offices about their countries' rich traditions when it comes to cursing: The Serbians will threaten to fuck the first row of people at your funeral, while the Danish will call you an "ass banana."
Weirdly the whole circus wasn't just about the competing egos of David Cameron and Boris Johnson.
The City of Oslo has been hiring people to wait in lines at clubs to see if they get turned away because of their skin color since 2010.
The Danish parliament just approved a bill allowing the police to seize valuables from immigrants, so we asked refugees from Syria and Iraq what their most important possessions were.
This morning, Obama bans solitary confinement for juvenile prisoners, Italy signs $18 billion of business deals with Iran, nudists in California could sue for "discrimination," and more.
This morning, Palin is backing Trump, 20 people have have been shot in northwest Pakistan in a Taliban gun attack, Danish nightclubs are attempting to ban migrants, and more.
This morning, Ted Cruz failed to disclose a $1 million loan from Goldman Sachs, at least seven people have been killed in a bomb blast in Jakarta, US customs have found half a million dollars' worth of weed disguised as carrots, and more.
Calle Vangstrup believes it's OK to break the law when that law is unfair or inhumane.
Sweden and Denmark have introduced tight new border checks to stop the number of refugees coming to Scandinavia, and some left-wing and pro-refugee groups are upset.
EDES (short for "Evil Duck Eat Sperm") says he's mocking homophobes through the power of paint.
From demolition sites in Angola to Cleveland crime scenes, here's where VICE is traveling this month.
The controversial dissection enraged animal rights groups.
It's education through live-action RPGs, and it's spreading.
It seems that throughout much of the continent, civil society is better at helping refugees than governments are.
Soren Solkaer's exhibition Surface comes to Canada for the first time this week.
Human rights activist Malcolm X was depicted as being both America's angriest man and equally as evil as Bill Cosby.
Apparently it was an attempt to highlight the hypocrisy that people show when it comes to animal welfare.
A terrorism expert told us it's unlikely militants were able to get their hands on the dough without being detected.
Getting college students to talk about the issues of sex, power, and identity that surround pornography shouldn't be that controversial.