Gavin Haynes on Vice

Gavin Haynes's Sleepless Nights

Why I Feel Sorry for the Pope Who Hung Up on God

Benedict is alone. He is ex-Pope. He has ceased to be pope. He is hanging up the pointy hat. He is turning over the keys to the golf buggy to a younger guy. From now on, when he tells young Africans that the best way to protect themselves from AIDS is abstinence, they can chuckle heartily at his virginal naïveté without fear of smiting. He will just be an old crank with eyes like wormholes into hell. Nothing to fear. Full story

Gavin Haynes's Sleepless Nights

Reasons Why Everyone Should Start a New Life in Brilliant Britain

Britain is an intolerable wasteland, and you're an idiot if you want to live there. Not my words, but the paraphrased sentiments of the British government, that, it emerged last weekend, is considering placing ads in Romania and Bulgaria telling people not to move there when curr… Full story

Gavin Haynes's Sleepless Nights

Bath Salts, Orgies, Murder, and Anti-Virus Software

If there is one thing society can learn from the soap opera now engulfing tech zillionaire John McAfee, it is that rectal shelving is the best way to take the psychoactive drug MDPV. Full story

What Is the Most Racist Country in Europe?

Find out in our scientific survey. Full story

First World Problems - Facebook Deleted Five Years of My Life

They think I'm a socially precocious child. Full story

Turning 30 and Public Speaking... On Acid!

Happy Birthday Gavin, here's a large tab of San Francisco acid to commiserate. Full story