"As a mom you just hope your baby won't end up in the gutter, hooked on alcohol and drugs. Well, at least you're not in the gutter, are you?"
"You're going to give birth to a beautiful Zoloft baby!"
Two friends run into an old acquaintance who is having a baby. They hate her.
Megg, Mogg, and Owl discuss good gifts for babies. Highly recommended for those who are expecting.
Unlike our friends who stop refilling their birth control and get pregnant, for us "trying" does not involve regular romps. Rather, it requires countless doctors' appointments, thousands of dollars of out-of-pocket fees, and mind-numbing bureaucracy.
According to one professor, the rise of social media means teens are less likely to go outside—the outside world of course being where most of the sperm is.
Michael, my husband, is a strapping six-foot-four dream with strong German-Irish-Swedish blood by way of the Midwest. There are Ivy-leaguers in his family. His grandfather lived to be 90. His sperm is liquid gold.
But they're not yet allowed to implant those altered embryos into human women.
I packed my black ass up with my Muslim wife and our baby daughter and we moved to Mexico, and you can too.
It's important to let babies squad up. That's how they trade baby info and compare baby notes and kick all of their baby activities up a notch.
Said it before, I'll say it again: your baby is wild smart. The baby knows that existence is a paradox, both coincidental and inevitable, that everything is mostly nothing and the difference between everything and nothing is functionally negligible.
Nobody gets FOMO harder than a baby. Once it gets the swing of that post-utero life and starts seeing all the fun to be had in the waking world it's like "fuck sleep."
Babies spend nine months floating around in amniotic fluid, so their swim game is, as the French say, on fleek.
A viral video of a furious caucasian shouting about "white fucking privilege" and calling other white people "white trash" is making everyone else's day better.
It's a little like eugenics and that's a little icky.
When the baby starts to walk that's gonna be a trip. It's a real crossroads. The baby legit has the choice to get up and walk the fuck away from you. Like, in theory once the baby starts walking it could just be like "Peace!" and be out.
In the latest PLEASE LOOK AT ME comic, two babies play tennis until an unexpected guest ruins their match.
After a year of being open, the National Sperm Bank has had just nine deposits. But the problem isn't a lack of sperm—it's that donating the stuff is ridiculously tough to do.
Get some of those tiny baby-size noise-canceling headphones and bring it to an underground rap show so it can see what struggle rap looks like.
Broadly meets with experts in the field, egg brokers, and patients whose path to parenthood may involve birthing a child from their frozen eggs.
At 32, the last place I expected to find myself was in an operating room, conked out on anesthetic with a lubricated ultrasound probe and an egg-retrieval needle passed through my vagina. But here I am.
Rabbi Meir Sultan is a foreskin's worst nightmare.
Babies are wild expensive, and as they grow into full-fledged dudes and dudettes with wants and desires and susceptibilities to advertising tactics, they only become more expensive.
Sup, fam? It's your boy, Kool A.D., professional rapper, visual artist, astrologer, male model, and now, apparently, parenting columnist.