football on Vice

Dogmageddon

Sacrificing Virgins

Back in the day, if you wanted God to bless your crops and make them grow high to the heavens, you prayed for rain. If that didn't work, you built a temple or maybe slaughtered a goat. And if that didn't work, well, then you just hacked up the nearest female virgin. Full story

Anna Krien Explores the Dark Side of Australian Football Culture

Anna Krien's book Night Games is primarily about a rape trial of a footballer, and in it somehow Krien manages to pry open a world of tacky nightclubs, gangbangs, and locker-room jokes, by first of all admitting how lost she is in it herself. Full story

Stop Freaking out About the Luis Suarez Bite

Even though Americans typically don't give a shit about soccer, when Luis Suarez tried to take a chunk out of Branislav Ivanovic's arm yesterday, the zombie bite drew national attention. It was bizarre and very funny, but it was also an embarrassing reminder for many that we have… Full story

The Mercy Rule

Building a Better NFL Draft

The NFL draft takes three days and involves some of the dumber shout-machines on American television applying the same five adjectives to various muscular men over and over. It is very bad. But it can be better, if only because it can't be worse. Full story

The Most Watched Blackout in American History

For a moment there, the nation's most spectacular and overly mediated pastime—the Super Bowl—got really dark. Full story

Dogmageddon

The Ravens Are God's Favorites

Fifty-three percent of Americans think God rewards athletes who believe in Him with good health and great success. In other words, yesterday, God chose his most-loved, and by default his most-hated, Harbaugh brother. Full story

Italica

Three Days of War

Historical Florentine Football is an extremely violent sport that originated with the birth of Florence itself. Father to both soccer and rugby, it is played by "calcianti": men, mostly from Florence, who play for honor, glory, and passion. Nobody gets a penny. Full story

Your Super Bowl Questions, Answered

Something called the “Super Bowl” is happening this weekend. What a crazy name, right? Sounds like what Super Man smokes when he wants to get stoned! Nah, just joshin’ with you—the Super Bowl is a football game! But what's football? Full story

Super Bowl Media Day… On Acid!

As you may or may not know, tripping balls while in the middle of a gaggle of reporters shouting questions two inches away from your ears is the ninth circle of hell. On the other hand, I did get to talk to Artie Lange. Full story

Notes from a Hitter: How Football Battered My Brain

It wasn’t until months after I played my last football game that the ramifications of the multiple concussions I suffered began to surface. The day after a long night of senior-year boozing, I came to in the back of an ambulance, flailing about as a firefighter struggled to hold… Full story