I took a tour of some of America's finest chain restaurant bars so that I could not only drink a few affordable beers, but also learn more about how we no longer value the simple pleasures of cheap, greasy food and good service.
Because this week was Thanksgiving, I worried I would have no bad news to recap. Thankfully, cops shot a shoplifter on Black Friday, the producer of The Bachelor went H.A.M. on an old lady, and some asshole leaked J.D. Salinger stories.
I visited Sweet! Hollywood, the Willy Wonka-themed candy shop that opened in the cultural abomination known as the Hollywood & Highland Center. I knew I was in for an unparalleled dose of crippling ennui.