penises on Vice

Animal Penises Are Super Weird, You Guys

Hello. I am a duck. See that thing coming out of what looks like my butt? That's my weird penis that cockscrews out of my body really, really fast when I want to rape a lady duck. P.S. The only sex I have is rape because no way does any lady duck want this thing inside her. Full story

How to Protect Your Package from Lorena Bobbitts

Since April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it is a perfect time to talk about one form of sexual assault that gets ignored by bra-burning feminists: woman-on-wiener violence. I’m not one of those self-hating girls who thinks men get the short end of the stick, but you people… Full story

Really, Ryan?

Stuff to Live For

Let’s just admit it: Life is fucking boring. Life is so monotonous and full of routine that it’s a wonder we all don’t just fall asleep whenever we look at ourselves in the mirror. The best we can hope for are those brief moments of clarity that snap us back into reality, like pu… Full story

Tubesteak

How to Suck an Uncut Cock

There comes a moment in every American cocksucker’s (and I use that term as an honorific) life when he/she pulls down a pair of trousers and is met not with a well-shorn sailor, but a hooded monk. Yes, I'm talking about the rare occasion (in America and Israel, at least) when you… Full story

Vito Fun's Summer Photo Dump 2012

The days of snow cones and skinny dipping in the East River are history, people. Winter came in fierce a couple of weeks ago with its bitch mistress Sandy, and from here on out it's going to be all hot toddies and whatever humanity-threatening death-flu happens to pop up this yea… Full story

Tubesteak

How to Quit Porn and Not Entirely Ruin Your Life

There I was, lying in bed ass-naked at 1 AM on a Tuesday night with my eyes closed pulling on my limp dick like a bird trying to get a worm out of the frozen ground. This is what jerking off had become for me. I never should have given up porn. Full story

A Sex Trade Show... On Acid!

It's really fun to give someone acid and then make them host a video, and it looks like our colleagues at VICE Germany have picked up on this. They recently gave their buddy Sascha a tab of LSD and sent him to Venus 2012, an erotic trade show in Berlin. It must have been gnarly t… Full story

Pornification

Callie

Callie watched porn for the first time after her parents accidentally recorded over her beloved 'Alice in Wonderland' VHS tape. Now she runs a porn magazine, and some of the dicks she sees make her be like whaaaaat. Full story

Twotom Likes Smiles Even More Than Penises

Vice: Your stuff is supergay. Who are all the handsome boys in your drawings? Full story