Long story short: I'm a human toilet, and VICE knows this, so they asked me to go eat a Whopperito.
The surprisingly joyless new film resembles a two-hour-long trailer for future franchises more than a standalone movie.
As Amy's Kitchen served me and my coworkers lunch, I looked around the room and realized something: I can go nowhere from here. This will be my final frozen food column for VICE.
If you like mac and cheese, there's no reason to not just boil some on the stove and make it yourself, even if you use that powdered cheese stuff.
VICE's art editor Nick Gazin reviews a collection of old romance comics, a book by Lisa Hanawalt, and more.
The focus of my review column this week is frozen lasagnas. For some reason frozen lasagna is almost always good or great. On occasion it is underwhelming, but I'm yet to be deeply disappointed by a frozen lasagna.
My editors set out to humiliate me and make me physically ill by ordering me to go to an ice cream truck in Brooklyn and eat everything. I ended up face down in a gutter with sprinkles and ice cream allover my face and clothes.
We reviewed STARZ's new series The Girlfriend Experience, Lee Lockwood's Castro's Cuba,' and a bunch more books.
Although I am very fond of Chinese food, it is exceedingly hard to find good Chinese restaurants, so finding frozen Chinese food in my grocery store was a godsend.
I've been eating frozen chicken nuggets for this review column, and the gurgling heartburn I've experienced has led me to chomp Tums like they were as tasty and plentiful as the nuggets that caused my stomach acids to go into overdrive.
The most easily-prepared foods are breakfast foods. All frozen breakfast foods seem like a bad, impractical idea to me, but I'm not here to avoid the food mistakes, I'm here to eat them.
We reviewed Sebastian Junger's new book, Mischa Berlinski's new novel, a video game about a smallpox attack, and more.
Whereas most frozen food consists of one dish or food item, the makers of these products attempted to produce complete meals that you cook all at once in your microwave. Some were good. But most weren't.
Is something the matter, my dear? Just eat some mattar paneer. Eat one and your troubles will disappear. Welcome back to Nick Gazin's Frozen Food Reviews. Let's eat.
"I got chills and wept from the feelings I thought had long ago died within me."
All hail the best confessional rapper alive.
This week's installment is dedicated to frozen pizza and frozen pizza-inspired foodstuffs. Most frozen pizza things I've tried have been terrible so far, but serves me right for being so lazy that I eat frozen pizza.
This week I reviewed four frozen Mexican food products, including two by Amy's Kitchen. After posting one of the reviews on Instagram, Amy herself reached out to me and offered to set me up on a date with her friend. What a company!
Here's what to eat when you want a fast food burger but don't want to leave your house.
We reviewed Don DeLillo's new novel Zero K, HBO's documentary on Robert Mapplethorpe, Parquet Courts's new album Human Performance, and more.
"I don't mean to brag, but I eat a lot of fish sticks."
In the latest issue of VICE magazine, we review The People v. OJ Simpson, The Association of Small Bombs, New View, and more.
VICE art editor Nick Gazin sorts the collectibles wheat from the chaff, from weird romance comics to Ed Templeton's newest photo zine.
"The rare times you let your guard down and stopped acting like a fuckboi were what kept me coming back."