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Nine Months Living with a Junkie

You watch a sad parent pack away his son’s clothes, digging through the wreckage. That’s when, maybe for the first time, I understand the depths of the disease my roommate and supposed friend has been living with. I could’ve done better. Full story

Take a Stroll... with Rob Delaney - Changing Opinion

I was holding my five-month-old son this morning and thought it would be fun to listen to some music and sway with him a bit. He can't quite dance yet. It was a gray morning, so I put on "The Chauffer" by Duran Duran and we wiggled in time. Full story

Take a Stroll... with Rob Delaney - That's Some Killer Chicken

I've eaten a lot of Zankou Chicken. Zankou Chicken is a chain of restaurants in Los Angeles that serve amazing Armenian fast food. I'd be more than content to have a chicken Tarna plate with their signature garlic paste for my last meal on Earth. Full story

Take a Stroll... with Rob Delaney - A Voter's Guide

In 1996 I voted for Bob Dole. I was 19, didn't follow politics, and had heard that Republicans advocated small government and Democrats advocated large government. I didn't care for authority much at that age, so that was enough for me. Full story

Take a Stroll... with Rob Delaney - Look Deep into My Eye

I'd had close to no sex when I got to college. My penis had been inside a couple of girls, but I didn't really know what to do with it and I could have been charitably described as "very awful" at making and/or doing sex. So at NYU, I made a concerted effort to get my dinky stink… Full story

Take a Stroll... with Rob Delaney - Look: I Am Your Father

I'm a dad. I have been for three months. I like my baby. I love him, even. This is probably because (head reason) I'm programmed to, and (heart reason) the sight/smell/sound of him is intoxicating and I can't get enough of it. I want to smell him so hard I smell all the nutrients… Full story

Take a Stroll… with Rob Delaney - We Jumped Off the Manhattan Bridge

One night in the summer of 1999 I jumped off the Manhattan Bridge. It wasn't a suicide attempt--I had a bungee cord attached to my ankles. But it was still illegal and not part of any tour package or team-building exercise Full story

Take a Stroll... with Rob Delaney - I Wet the Bed

After being toilet trained and graduating to big-kid underpants, it's common for a child to occasionally wet the bed for a few more years. Most kids are consistently waking up on a dry and cozy mattress by the age of six or seven. Full story

Take a Stroll... with Rob Delaney - I Make Babies

A little under a year ago I received a picture message from my wife. It was a photo of a smiley face, which was on a stick she'd just peed on. Its appearance meant that she was ovulating, so I sped home from my office, which was five miles away, hoping to beat my father. Full story

Penis Panic!!!

Coming to Terms with Genital Retraction Syndrome

In 2003, the Middle Eastern Research Institute reported on a new craze sweeping the Sudan. Full story