THE ELVISWIFE OF BLACKPOOL

By LEO LEIGH

VBS: Tell me how you ended up in Blackpool.
Elvis: I don’t live here, I come six times a year, and this is my eighteenth year in Blackpool.

Do you sing yourself?
Elvis’ Wife: No, you don’t sing, you don’t sing.
Elvis: I do.
Elvis’s Wife: You don’t, you don’t.

[Elvis sits back in embarrassment]

You don’t sing and dance. You can’t.
Elvis: I used to.
Elvis’s Wife: You can’t.

When did you get into Elvis? How old were you?
Elvis: I met Elvis in 1954. I was the very first one to meet him cause, urm, I liked the way he sang. I said to myself, I like this guy, and I asked him to sing a song for me, so he did. And I liked him ever since.

Where did you meet him?
Graceland, where he was born.

He was born in Graceland?
Who? Elvis?

Yes.
No, Tupelo Mississippi.

How come you were there?
My grandfather took me over to America. And that’s how I met Elvis.

How does the King figure in your daily life?
I dress as Elvis every day when i’m in Blackpool.
Elvis’s Wife: When you’re here, not at home.
Elvis: Even when i’m at home.
Elvis’s Wife: But not every day.
Elvis: No, only now and then.

How long have you two been together?
Eight years married.
Elvis’s Wife: We’ve not been together eight years.
Elvis: Oh no.
Elvis’s Wife: We’ve been together since ‘74, but we’ve only been married ten years this year.

What is it you like about him?
Elvis: [to his wife] Me he means.
Elvis’s Wife: I can’t remember.

[both laugh]
I can’t… I can’t… I can’t really remember. Just cause you were dark and you’re half Italian. [long pause] Well you are Italian, aren’t ya?
Elvis: Ouf [long exhale].

How comes you’re not wearing the Elvis suit right now?
Cause I wet it. I was rushing upstairs trying to do a woop. Toilet.
Elvis’s Wife: You were rushing to get back to the toilet, weren’t ya? And ya wet it. And you’ve not got your other one with ya.
Elvis: No. The other suit’s not with me. She’s left the thing at home. You know, the one with the tassels on the arm.

What do you think of Elvis’ eating habits at the end of his life?
Ouf. [exhales] To tell you the truth, I think Elvis is still alive I do.

What about his funeral?
Ahh! Because in the box I think there’s a dummy there. But a dummy never sweats.

A dummy never sweats?

By LEO LEIGH 2 years ago

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