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Eurovision 2012: Like Being in a Mint Commercial With Props Donated by Drug Dealers

Writhing on the floor covered in laser beams.

Pen Pals - (Don’t) Let Them Eat Cake

I pity the fool who takes away donuts and Snickers from MY people.

Motherboard: Spaced Out: Outer Space Interior Design

A look at the next generation of space vehicles headed for Mars and beyond.

Loveless

Bored with sex? You're not alone.

Boyle's Brains - Ways to Improve Basketball

In the event of a tie, all members of Team A and Team B will be swapped out for their dads.

Question of the Day - Prostitution Should Be Legal, Right?

We asked a bunch of Londoners if selling state-sanctioned sex services was OK.

Dear VICE - Grass Widow Wants Nothing to Do with You

I find it fucking gross and despicable that you would run that excrement.

Goth Day at Disneyland!

I'm sorry your parents dressed you like this.

The One-Month, Nine-Day Anniversary of Record Store Day 2012 (Or) A Stroll Through eBay

Some writing on the bad writing it inspired.

Records

Killer Mike is like a nanostructured amorphous solid, or Slimer with a boner.

Shut Up and Enter: Win a Trip to the NY Premiere of Shut Up and Play the Hits

Want to party at the New York premiere of SHUT UP AND PLAY THE HITS with LCD SOUNDSYSTEM's James Murphy?

Talkin' 'Bout the Boards - Let Me Go Down on Her

You left terrible comments this past week. Here are my drawings of them.

Which Other Spandex-Wearing Superpeople Are Gay?

Here are the heroes and villains it’s easiest to picture in rainbow-flag duds.

Combover: Smart as a Rabbi

This one is going to sting right where my foreskin used to be.

Alligator Story

Author Barry Gifford shares with us an unpublished short story.

Earl Is Free

How I got to eat a burger and fries with Earl Sweatshirt.

Kill the Engine - Anarchy and Jesus Fish?

I wish I'd heeded my own advice.

Skinema: This Ain’t Dracula XXX

This recent fascination with vampires really has got to end already.

Behind the Seams: Mexican Pointy Boots

Shoe design finally gets to the point.

My VICE Internship Taught Me Everything I Need to Know About Having a Dick

They are unwieldy and secrete weird stuff at inappropriate times.

Epicly Later'd: Arto Saari

His rise to prominence is like no one else's.

Prehistoric Internet Porn

The first Internet porn was created by geeks for geeks.

Are You a Sociopath?

Take the official 2012 Diagnostic Test.

The Cute Show: Cat Prin!

Meet Japan's only cat tailor.

Making Up Bands in Your Brain While High

Dan Magers writes some messed-up shit.

The Loneliest Goth in the World

Our new friend Simon was the only goth in Camden.

Are Thirty People Walking Around a Town in England High on 2C-B?

Because if they are, we just spoke to one of them.

Cry-Baby of the Week

This week, Gambian honeymooners versus this sexy lady's boss.