Dos & Don'ts

don't

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Yeah, keep on enjoying not having sex and being a stern, overbearing bitch that all children hate (even your nephews) for the rest of your natural life on the off-chance that heaven is a raging million-year-long orgy with Jesus and the apostles. Tell me this, though, what happens if you’re still a frumpy 80-year-old nun when you get there? You really think St. Sebastian is really going to want to fuck you? Right, not on all the E in heaven (which is infinite). Religious people are worse forward-thinkers than those kids who’d save the full-size Halloween candy bars until they turned all white and crumbly.

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