Pen Pals

I Saw an Inmate Get Struck by Lightning Through the Phone

The sky got crazy, there was a sonic boom and a MEGA flash of light—from across the room I saw Black sprint 20 feet while holding his underarm/heart area. He slowed down, turned around, stumbled back ten or 15 feet stuttering, “It hurts, it burns,” and collapsed. Full story

Pen Pals

Finish What You Start

I’ve witnessed a few wigs get split in the middle of the night by a lock in a sock, I’ve heard stories about people getting boiling baby oil dumped on them, and seen guys walking around with these ugly scars. Revenge is common in prison, so finish what you start. Full story

Pen Pals

Shit Dudes in Prison Say

Dudes say the most stupefying things in jail. I don’t know what it is, but there is a breed of dude who just makes shit up about the Prada shoes, the Mercedes, the gold-plated condom, the bad bitch with two pussies and no butthole… just outlandishness. Full story

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Lockup Crackup

This dorm environment is wearing me down. Non-stop noise and nonsense. County jails are designed to make people go crazy and cop unwise pleas to end the madness. Just this morning, my bunky was unexpectedly woken at 4:30 AM for a court date he had no idea about. Full story

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Depressed Mess

I might have some mild issues that resulted in some serious life problems, but I’m not like the depressed heads over in the crazy cell block. According to my sources, those guys are throwing piss, shit, and cum on the walls, they don't shower, and they scream constantly because o… Full story

Pen Pals

Meet the Neighbors

Here in prison, my bunky is a drug addict from a family of drug addicts. He has spent most of his 20s in and out of jail. I have the top bunk and he has the bottom. All I can say is don’t get caught, kids… This ain’t living. Full story

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Back in Jail and Smoking Green Beans

So it’s back to the stinkin’ clink again. My state tour of various jails and institutions now includes Westchester County Jail in Valhalla. Because I have had felonies and been Upstate before, I got put in a dorm with a buncha cutthroat criminals who smoke dried green beans. Seri… Full story

Our Prison Correspondent Is Back in Prison

Yesterday we got some highly unbonerable news—Bert’s back in prison for six weeks after violating parole. (Meanwhile, the white-collar criminals who have destroyed the economy walk free yadda yadda yadda.) He’s going to try to write to us from inside like the old days, but his co… Full story

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The Unbonerable New York Justice System

It's no surprise that assistant district attorneys are racist pieces of shit. NYC prosecutors will crap in someone's mouth if you allow them to. Full story

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Gettin’ Money Prison-Style

I'll teach you how to get money, aka work out, for a box of Newports and a foot rub. Full story