Pen Pals

Gettin’ Money Prison-Style

I'll teach you how to get money, aka work out, for a box of Newports and a foot rub. Full story

Pen Pals

Homos in the Big House

I feel like there’s a universally accepted idea that prison is a homosexual’s paradise based on very little evidence. Full story

Pen Pals

Cooking in the Cooler

I never realized you could cook some next-level gourmet shit with a microwave until I went to a prison with no kitchen. Full story

Pen Pals

Uncle Jamm Wants Yous!

It’s regrettable to me that I was as useless as tits on a bulldog reindeer for six years behind bars, and I wish I could’ve gone to the military to learn how to blow people up. Full story

Pen Pals

(Don’t) Let Them Eat Cake

I’m kind of a health nut and don’t like fat people or smokers, but I pity the fool who takes away donuts and Snickers from MY people. Full story

Pen Pals

Makin’ Friends in Prison

Now I feel like an elitist asshole, but, seriously, finding friends in jail is kinda like baggin’ bitches at the STD clinic—not too savvy. Full story

Pen Pals

The Rapes of Wrath

The imminent threat of big black cocks filling holes is how the media machine tries to keep white guys out of jail. Full story

Pen Pals

Let a Prisoner Get Some Pussy

One of the most counterintuitive things about prisons in New York is that special sexytime conjugal visits are only allowed at maximum-security prisons. Full story

Pen Pals - Gang Bangin' Behind the Fence

Gangs have a lot do in jail, like smuggle ceramic scalpels in their butt-pockets. Full story

Pen Pals

Thinking Stinks

In prison, you are haunted by visions of your babydoll getting sodomized repeatedly, on film, and probably for free. Full story