Meet the Nieratkos - Lonnie and McCartney Get Retarded

My wife’s retarded Uncle Lonnie is going to be 64 this year (Will you still love him? Will you still need him?), and as you may or may not know, he is a Beatlemaniac. Full story

Meet the Nieratkos - Hitler's Birthday Footage

Do you remember a couple months ago when I told you I threw Hitler a birthday party in Germany? Me neither. But I did. Full story

Meet The Nieratkos - Busy Week

Last Friday, July 1st, marked five years my wife and I have been married. It also began a week of chaos. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her that's made her stick around so long. Perhaps she has a little of Lonnie in her? Full story

Skinema

It Ain't Gonna Suck Itself!

The sad thing about the title of this film is that it’s true; it’s not going to suck itself. Full story

Meet the Nieratkos - Osama Liked Boys

Hopefully I’m not too late to make my posthumous attacks on Osama Bin Laden. (I was busy shopping for piñatas for my Drunko de Mayo party, sorry.) Full story

Skinema

Ass Worship 12

The Tenth Commandment clearly states, “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife,” so I’m pretty sure me wanting to fuck my friend Matt’s wife is totally kosher because they live outside San Francisco, nowhere near me. Full story

Meet the Nieratkos - Whoring For Pickles

I have done many dirty, unspeakable acts over the years for money. I have always justified it with the knowledge that I was providing for my family. But yesterday I did something out of pure greed. I whored myself out for pickles. Full story

Skinema

Driller

We are quickly approaching the two-year mark of me not giving a shit that Michael Jackson is dead. Next year will be exactly 30 years since Thriller was released, the last time I slightly cared about him. Full story

Skinema

Meet the Nieratkos - Skinema: Year 3

Ever see Hearts of Darkness? The documentary Coppola’s wife made about the nightmare that was the making of Apocolypse Now? Well, I’m hoping my wife makes one for me about the horror of making my silly little porn show, Skinema, for VBS. I’ll play the fat Brando… Full story

Skinema

Hose Hoes' 2

Cover model and professional butt licker Julia Ann reminds me of my wife. (Not that my wife hangs off black curtain rods and licks butts.) Full story