The Mercy Rule

The NCAA Is a Donut Burger

To a cosmopolite elite like me, big-time college football looks like a transparently un-consumable Paula Deen donut burger. For others it is delicious enough to justify the diabetes-sweats it brings. Full story

The Mercy Rule

Sorry, You’re Going To Beef ‘O’ Brady’s

The bowl system might not be good, but its reflection of the status quo's broad, braying rottenness is pretty much perfect. Full story

The Mercy Rule

David Stern Blocks Trades Like a Boss

Periodically, someone pops off with an NBA-related slavery metaphor, and everyone gets pissy. A more effective metaphor is that NBA players, like you and me, work for shitty bosses. Full story

The Mercy Rule

Donald Sterling, Human Cold Sore

Donald Sterling is a real estate billionaire of a notably porny bent who looks like a Milk Dud that has had Botox, and who was born without the capacity for shame. Full story

The Mercy Rule

Commercials Are Fucking Terrifying

The average NFL commercial break is television's crowning insult to the notion of our shared humanity. Full story

The Mercy Rule - Enjoy Your Robot Turkey

Americans will probably spend Thanksgiving--or at least the portion of it preceding and following the ritual power-eating of yams and fibrous turkey meat--much the way we spend the rest of our days. Full story

The Mercy Rule

Monday Night Sack O’ Garbage

Monday Night Football's ass-backwards posturing is too much like America for comfort--it's basically the House of Representatives with better production value and more violence. Full story

The Mercy Rule

Anger in Management

Resplendent on a Danzigian throne of skulls, shaking his head at all he surveys, there is Tony La Russa--one of the greatest managers and most nasty humans in baseball history. Full story

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the World Series

Being a baseball fan during the World Series means editing out the branded sentimentality and backwards-looking dumbassery and enjoying what's left. Full story

The Mercy Rule

All Hail Quetzalcoatl

We goofed on late Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis because he looked like the Crypt Keeper in a white sweat suit. And because the serpentine bastard seemed to truly love his sport. Full story