The Brutality Report - Childhood Embarrassments

One day, when I was 8 or 9, I saw my friend's younger sister laying face down on the couch, pants around her knees, with a thermometer sticking out of her butt cheeks like a swizzle stick. Full story

The Brutality Report - "1,000 Lives (To Die)"

If you were to make a pie chart of all the brutal songs in human history, this song would be the big Pac Man eating the wedge that is every other brutal song combined. Full story

The Brutality Report - Knowledge of the Bug Pit

This particular column is only about knowledge of the Bug Pit, not the actual pit itself. The actual Bug Pit is far too brutal for this column. Full story

The Brutality Report - Lobe Failure

A mini-electrical hurricane passes over my visual cortex on a regular basis. Full story

Stamina Land

Petra is a rock city in the Jordanian desert, three hours south of Amman. When I say "rock city," I mean that literally. It is literally a city hewn from rock. Full story

The Brutality Report - Going to the Movies in the 21st Century

I want to briefly take a step back with this column and its vast scope. Many subjects can qualify as "brutal." But what of the invisible brutalities? Full story

Messiah Hunt

Seeking Jerusalem Syndrome in the Holy Land

I had just removed my shoes in the hot sun outside the Dome of the Rock when an elderly man emerged from the shaded interior and shook his head with practiced firmness. "No. Muslims only." Full story

The Brutality Report - The Weird Period

This week's column is just for people born after the September 11 terror attacks. If you were born on or before 9/11/01, please skip this week. Feel free to browse my other columns. Did you read the one about Florida yet? Full story

The Brutality Report - "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas

First off, fuck Kansas in the face for recording this song. They have zero right to make anyone as miserable as this song makes me. Full story

The Brutality Report - Unrelenting Sobriety

Last week I invited some friends over for a The Road party. The idea here was that we would drink a few White Russians, pop on the 2010 film The Road, and have a rip-roaring good time. The big laugh for my pals was that I don't drink, and yet I would be drinking. Full story