And this is the way music should sound. Like the hottest, toughest girl drove you somewhere on her three-wheeler and now you're getting slow-fucked by a nitrous-filled dildo.
I could give two slurps of ass broth from a hobo's boot about what someone thought of 2011 in regard to music. But here I am and there you are and we need to kill the time somehow.
Snappy reviews of the very best and the absolute worst most vomit-inducing recently released LPs.
Are you are a flabby, middle-aged white person who likes to get shitfaced and jet ski at the lake with your cousins? If so, you should consider becoming a Parrothead.
Which is why the Cerebral Ballzy frontman commandeered this interview from Nick Gazin to tell you how he met Faris from the Horrors and hype up their upcoming DJ sets at the Cameo Gallery.
It would be easy to assume an old man with a large plastic bag containing a smaller paper Cinnabon bag sleeping in a library next to a liter of club soda would have a limited awareness of Everclear.
Mark E. Smith can't help you understand soccer.
I, Moe Bishop, will use my visionary gifts to reveal the coming year's styles unto you. Here are the two major trends that will shape the fresh new sounds of 2012.
This British four-piece has blown the cobwebs off the UK rock scene with high-octane shows that trade in crunchy, dinosaur-shaped riffs, the death-or-glory spirit of DFA1979, and the pantomime stage antics of 80s metal. They're suburban, angry, and loud,
A soundtrack to the scenario in the sick little snow globe I keep in my brain.
Tap dancers, game show contestants, an injured woman from Solihull, two elderly Scotchmen munching on a rare cheese, the King's feast, Jasper and Podgy the Bear huddled around a fire.
A sincere chat about childhood and misunderstood Juggalism with the mysterious silent member of Insane Clown Posse.
A Sydney Festival 2012 preview.
Lady Chann, formerly known as Chanelle Williams, got her start in the Suncycle Crew, a North London squad of the best talent around. They built up a serious rep, using dancehall as a reference point instead of a rulebook. Now she's the latest queen of UK
While digging through the garage for Xmas lights, Normals guitarist and vocalist David Brewton came upon something he'd forgotten about: an obnoxious recording of "White Christmas."
It wouldn't be nice to pick on Andy only one month after he announced he has cancer. I wish him well, if only because I have long dreamed of experiencing Andy's Christmas show on skag.
It's the holiday season, which means the record industry--or, more appropriately, what's left of it--is scrambling to sell music which is widely available for free all over the 'net.
The bass in "Zero" really comes out when you're waiting for James Spader in a marijuana-scented basement.
Jamie Smith, aka Jamie xx, is a British DJ and producer best known for his work with indie band The xx. He gravitates towards hip-hop because of the genre's roots in jazz and soul, and brings out these subtleties in his sensational electronic remixes for
In a year of posse cuts, Atlanta's enigmatic trap rapper Gucci Mane is back at it with another collaboration.
Jemina Pearl is like a hot and loud unicorn that trampled down from the stars to sing in Be Your Own Pet, and then release one solo album that was so good I carried it in my bag for months.
Dan Deacon stays in shape ahead of Sydney Festival 2012
23 year old dubstep DJ and producer, Jakwob, steps up to bat for the last episode in the series.
It's the big list to end all big lists.