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  • Nocturnal Submissions

    The Whore On the Floor

    In a brothel in the back of a Tijuana bar I find a room with a checkerboard floor and dead-center double-bed that looks like it was designed by Stanley Kubrick. The whore standing outside of it smiles at me. “You want pussy?”

  • Sandy Kim and the Art of Boobs

    If you live in San Francisco and like photography, topless girls, or having a good time, you have only one place to be tonight: Sandy Kim's show at the Ever Gold Gallery.

  • Nocturnal Submissions

    Sunset and Vine

    I see a streetwalker on the southwest corner in front of the Bank of America. She’s between 30 and 60 and looks at me like I’m just another creep. It’s late and there’s not much traffic. I pull to the curb and zip down the window but she keeps her distance, checking me out for ki…

  • Nocturnal Submissions

    Nowhere All Night Long

    She has a sand and cast-iron voice. Last night, she tells me, a big mean son of a b almost raped her. She knew she shouldn’t get into his car, she could feel his bad vibrations like she could smell his bad breath.

  • Nocturnal Submissions

    East of the Promised Land

    I’m on Sunset coming from downtown, Skid Row. Across Vermont Avenue through a corridor of hospitals I stop for a red light at L. Ron Hubbard Street. The blue Scientology compound sits back a half-block from the street and the world is full of morons. At Western I turn south and s…

  • Richard Kern Directed the New Music Video for Is Tropical

    The UK band Is Tropical asked our favorite photog/director Richard Kern to shoot them for their latest single, “Lover’s Cave”. While no one gets shot or blows a load to Hentai in this video it still includes an epic house party we’d really want to go to. Here's just a taste of so…

  • Nocturnal Submissions

    Fuckin' Nothing

    I'm unlocking my car door when a hooker materializes like a broken fairy princess, looking like she’s been kicked to all corners of the kingdom. I smile at her but she doesn’t smile back. She has a loud voice. "You lookin’ for something, White Bread?"

  • Nocturnal Submissions

    The Royal Portrait

    When I spot the strumpet I think she’s a he-she but then I see she has the kind of large overripe breasts shemales would die for. She’s older than most Hollywood whores and she walks like she’s wearing Versace on the red carpet. I pull to a stop and unlock the door with a double-…

  • Recognizing Your Ex-Girlfriend in Porn

    Sex is arguably the most intimate physical act. Seeing a woman I once loved plunge her hands inside another woman inverted that intimacy, making it alienating and public.

  • Triple D... After Dark

    Hey, this is Guy Fieri and we’re rollin’ out, searching for America’s greatest, diners, drive-ins, and dives. When I heard that Sloppy’s Grill in Bay City, Michigan, was throwin’ down some of the most righteous French toast this side of the Mississippi, I just had to check it out…

  • Nocturnal Submissions

    Batman with a Wistful Boner

    I take Western from it’s uppermost point at Los Feliz down to Melrose then back up to Santa Monica going west to La Brea up to Sunset and back to Western where I start over. I see a girl over by the do-it-yourself car wash and I make a U-turn and ask her if she wants to take a ri…

  • True Chubbo Presents - Dinner

    Hey bitch, where's my dinner? Open Up!

  • Tubesteak

    How to Make Friends and Influence Homos (Into Sleeping with You)

    Like any good homosexual with an iPhone and a propensity for indiscretion, I spend plenty of time on Grindr, the app that shows you other gay dudes in your immediate vicinity who are also looking for dick. That said, familiarity breeds contempt, and there are a whole host of thin…

  • Orgasm Addict - GG Allin’s Stained Prison Walls

    According to his jailhouse diary, GG Allin jerked off almost 100 times during his first 30 days in prison. It was 1989, and the outlaw scumfuck was behind bars for assaulting a groupie. The first-ever collection of diaries, letters, and (most disturbingly) drawings from GG's time…