• Wide World of Balls

    Talkin' Bout Playoffs

    In this week in ball news, the Knicks get even older, baseball playoffs get played, a dude resigns from a lifetime contract, and Drew Brees breaks a record no one cares about.

  • Baseball Is Basically a Random Number Generator

    Baseball is a random number generator. Even if your team is made up of a bunch of Satanic baseball-playing robots that chew batteries and glass before first pitch, it'll still lose half its games, since machines get short circuits and there’s no way to predict baseball.

  • Fightland

    Bloody Detachment

    Moments like the Evan Dunham-TJ Grant fight, when an injured fighter leaks blood all over the cage but keeps fighting like nothing happened, are litmus tests for MMA interest. Casual fans will recoil, brutes will be delighted, but deep-down MMA fans see our shared mortality and i…

  • The Mercy Rule

    The Jets Are America's Team

    The Cowboys aren't America's Team, though they're called that. The Jets, mediocre and unprepared like us, get that honor. That the team's owner wants a Mitt Romney win more than a Super Bowl is sad icing on the despair cake.

  • Prolate Spheroid Preview

    Why Aren't There Football Coaching Grad School Programs?

    Coaches learn their extremely difficult, demanding, horrifically time-consuming jobs as they go along, picking up knowledge as they work. Why don’t NFL coaches just go to grad school to study football?

  • Fightland

    Necessary Violence

    I hate real fighting as much as I love MMA. I believe it's no gladiatorial free-for-all, but a real sport with rules and a value system. But fighters are predisposed toward violence, and sometimes I just want to see good fighters fight.

  • Where’s Wallace At? Just Where He Needs to Be, in the NBA

    Rasheed Wallace is serious about the game when he’s playing it, but he knows it’s just a game and that everyone will go home and smoke blunts afterward. For all the egos and slap fights and psychotic, drooling Kevin Garnetts and CIA-serious Popoviches, he’s always been one to bre…

  • Wide World of Balls

    The Less Crappy Referees Are Back

    What happened last week in sports? The fake football referees really blew it, so the real referees returned. Some baseball teams made the playoffs, and a hockey player got real emotional on Twitter.

  • Wanking To The AFL Grand Final

    As it turns out, the biggest day of Australia's sporting calendar is way more sensual than people give it credit for. Especially when you add a joint and copious amounts of hand moisturiser.

  • Secret Fighting in the Bronx Is as Cool as You'd Think

    Strip the glitz from an MMA fight and add wannabes, devout martial artists and psychos, and you’ve got Underground Combat League, a series of underground fights in New York for coming on ten years, and which you can only attend if you're on a list or fucking a fighter on the card…

  • A Bunch of Guys Wearing Chainmail and Bashing Each Other Is a Sport

    If you don't think LARPing is a sport, these guys will cut your balls off with a sword. What isn't athletic about guys whupping each other with weapons, kicks, and punches directed at every body part except the back of the neck and knees?

  • Prolate Spheroid Preview

    Is It OK to Watch Young Men Get Paralyzed on Live TV?

    I’m not going to stop watching football, but how do you excuse watching something as obviously evil as the NFL? Is it like eating processed meat or buying shoes made with slave labor—do you just not think about it? I guess that’s what you do. Shit.

  • Instant Offence - Choosing Sides Is Hard

    Welcome to the special Grand Final edition of our Aussie sports column. Don't have a team to root for this weekend? James and Alex have your back.

  • Fightland

    Being Forgettable Is the Deadliest Sin of All

    There’s no fate in this world worse for the enterprising and ambitious MMA fighter than allowing a fight to go to a decision. “Don’t leave it in the hands of the judges” is basically a commandment. No one wants to lose, or to be ignored.