• The Mercy Rule

    Fs All Around

    If the internet were a person, that person would be unbearable. He—and it would be a he—would, for one thing, be masturbating furiously, constantly. He would give you fake car-insurance rates, and, if you happened to meet him in the last two weeks, he would be complaining about h…

  • Michael Phelps: White Trash Hero

    Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympian of all time, is a white trash hero. He may also be the first Global Wigger. As we all know, wiggers are the coolest people in the world and can be considered white trash. Unlike most swimmers, Phelps brings the sport to (lower middle cl…

  • The VICE Guide to Sports

    You either give a shit about sports or you don’t, and the delineation between these two types of people is usually pretty clear. As a service to the world and in an attempt to prove that, like laughter, athletics can serve as a universal language, we’ve written a handy guide…

  • Kill the Engine

    Should Skateboarding Be in the Olympics?

    Modern vert and mega ramp are essentially gymnastics on wheels anyway, so why not include them? Oh yeah, that's right… because most pro skateboarders are on drugs.

  • Wide World of Balls - So Phelps Is a Jock

    Selected highlights from last week in balls: Michael Phelps went out in a blaze of glory, the US basketball team came close to getting whupped, Mike Trout is faster than a Slayer record, Missy Franklin did a dumb thing, the Phillies are no good and Warren Sapp is selling his Air

  • A Rose by Any Other Name: Why Ben Johnson Ruined the Olympics

    Hopefully during these Olympics no one with the same name as me will inject horse testosterone directly into their scrotum to win a medal and then lose it, so no shrimpy little kids with common names like Ben Johnson have to put up with a lifetime of mocking steroid abuse accusat…

  • Pure Fun Was the Epitome of 90s Skateboarding Zines

    While most of us were fumbling around with glue sticks for the first time, Larry Ransom was in Lockport, New York, knocking it out of the park with Pure Fun. The zine is exactly what its title promises: Kids from some town fucking around, posing for photos that made it look like

  • Get Stoned and Look at Our Homemade Pro-athlete Stoner Memes

    I have no doubt that at this very instant there are hundreds if not thousands of Very Serious Stoners sitting around, getting high, eating crunchy stuff from a bag, and watching the Olympics; it's the summer and everyone is out of work. There’s nothing else to do but burn one, du…

  • MMA Is Too Brutal for the Olympics and That's Why We Love It

    What would casual Olympics fans do the first time they saw an MMA competitor grab an opponent in a Thai clinch? Can you imagine—the stunned looks, the open mouths, the covered eyes, the horrible silence, the scandal?

  • Fantasy Football Draft Prep, Part 1 - Fake Quarterbacks

    There are “experts” whose job it is to pretend to know more about the likelihood of certain future football guy-related events than you, but they don't really know. You should palm off that knowledge as your own when you’re talking to your friends about football guys, and feel sm…

  • Fightland

    What It Means to Be a Big Mouth in MMA

    Who has time to worry about explaining to SportsCenter why they’re going to fight? Figuring out how to fight is hard enough. Only Chael Sonnen could find the energy to master both combat and marketing. Anderson Silva, meanwhile, just wants to fight. They represent the two warring…

  • Wide World of Balls - Five Golden Rings

    The Olympics are underway and weird, baseball players with goatees are being traded, and football has (kind of) started.

  • The Mercy Rule

    The Olympics Are Weird

    The Olympics are an expensive, relentlessly over-branded jarring event choreographed by idiots. They're also weird and awesome.

  • Interview with David Yow about Baseball and Movies

    Jesus Lizard singer David Yow never dug Bad Brains, or baseball, but may be starring in a movie about one.