What Vice Readers (Actually) Bought in July

Your carts overflowed with fancy Swedish condoms, luxury hand soap, and best-selling massage guns.

Oh, hello, you sly, sweaty foxes. We’d just like to say, if we might be so bold, that you absolutely crushed the shopping game in July. Your sartorial savvy and taste for tech precedes itself, and even though we flood your feeds on a regular basis with all of the dopest drops and deals the internet has to offer, you somehow manage to always choose just the right wellness products, home decor, and on-sale underdogs. 


In June, you copped a sex toy named after a fish, a cooling pillow, portable AC neck fans, retro-cool headphones, and more gear to start your summer on the right foot. In July, you snagged hand soap that smells like a successful lumberjack, anti-stress gummies, luxury toothpaste, and high-tech condoms for having safe sex in style. Here are the bestsellers that VICE readers couldn’t get enough of in July.

LELO’s Hex Condoms

When it comes to condoms, y’all sprang for quality—as you should, lest you end up in a room that smells like wet balloons and sadness. “When I die, stuff my ashes into a LELO Hex condom, sling it over your shoulder, and walk around town talking about what a benevolent ho I was,” Mary Frances “Francky” Knapp writes for Rec Room. “Luxury Swedish sex toy company LELO makes the best condoms, hands-down… They can accommodate girth, length, and a big pounding. They’re also nearly odorless, save for a barely noticeable sweet smell upon opening that I can only describe as the ghost of a Viennese kardinalschnitte.”

HEX Original Luxury Condoms

$27.22$23.89 at Amazon

Mizuba’s Daily Matcha Green Tea

For folks that love to start their day with some at-home matcha, Mizuba Tea Co. is the way to go. Stone-milled to order at its 100-year family matcha manufactory in Uji, Japan, the flavor profile of this specific batch is toasted vanilla with milky notes of churned butter, and a single tin makes up to 30 servings. “After many months and testing over 12 different matcha brands,” one reviewer writes, “this Mizuba matcha remains in my top favorites!”

Mizuba Tea Co.
Daily Matcha Green Tea

$21 at Mizuba Tea Co.

OLsky’s Handheld Electric Body Back Massager

Your sore noodles just couldn’t get enough poundage in July, and we have the receipts to prove it. “This affordable Theragun alternative rocks,” Ian Burke writes for Rec Room. “It's the perfect home workout accessory or gift for a fitness-focused loved one, especially if you’re not in the mood to drop a paycheck on a body blaster.” Plus, you can always upgrade to a legit Theragun once you have the cash.

Massage Gun

$49.99$29.99 at Amazon

Aesop’s Resurrection Aromatique Hand Wash

Long have we belonged to the cult of fancy hand soap, and so do y’all. In a true testament to its name, Aesop’s Resurrection soap always makes us feel fresh and reborn in the most herbaceous way.

Resurrection Aromatique Hand Wash

$40.00$34 at SSENSE

Marvis’ Toothpaste Flavor Collection Gift Set

Why settle for boring toothbrush time (boo) when you could give your pearly whites a feast of au natural flavors? Marvis is one of Rec Room editors Hilary Pollack’s favorite toothpastes for its fresh but festive flavor range, and you copped this flight of seven tubes to taste the array of flavors such as jasmine mint, ginger mint, and cinnamon for yourselves.

Toothpaste Flavor Collection

$36 at Amazon

Natural Vitality’s CALM gummies

Is it just us, or are times… kind of stressful? Clearly it’s not, because you also took home some anti-stress raspberry gummies.

Natural Vitality
Calm Anti-Stress Gummies

$20.99 at iHerb

VersionTECH’s Mini Handheld Fan

There are many ways to stay cool without AC, but you shelled out for this handheld fan that was hyped up by Rec Room staffer Nicolette Acardi as a cheap way to stay chilled on the streets. It also has a 4.7-star average rating from a whopping 22,600 reviews on Amazon, where one fan of the fan (sorry Mom; sorry God) writes, “I always carry 2 hand held fans so my 5 pound Chihuahua doesn't overheat (& myself lol).”

Mini Handheld Fan

$19.99$15.99 at Amazon

MUD\WTR Ritual Kit

MUD\WTR (mud water) is the coffee alternative made out of mushrooms and a sort of chai-cocoa base that has the consistency of the bad guy from FernGully. “[It] has a very distinct taste,” writes Jamie Steidle in his VICE review of the nearly caffeine-free brew. “It’s a chai-cocoa combo that tastes like a cinnamon-rich mocha, with a hint of ginger and a very earthy aftertaste.” No wonder you wanted a taste.

Morning Ritual Starter Kit

$60.00$40 at MUD\WTR

Caudalie’s Instant Detox Mask

“If you have sensitive and semi-shiny/combination skin, this is the clay mask for you,” writes Rec Room staffer Mary Frances “Francky” Knapp. She uses the seven minute mask once a week for glowy, poreless dolphin skin (and now y’all do, too).

Instant Detox Mask

$39 at Amazon

See ya next month. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.

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