The Absolute Gnarliest Halloween Masks We Could Find

The grossest, the scariest, and the absolute worst.

Oct 7 2021, 2:07pm

Putting the “Hell” in “hello!” today are these Halloween masks, which are so unhinged—no, really, some of the jaws unhinge—that we’ve completely dissociated our brains from our bodies to bring them to your humble, spooky fall porch. 

We already feel like a human clam, so why not dress up like one? What better way to pay homage to Children of the Corn, as transplanted midwesterners, than to sport a deranged corn face around our local financial district? You know, just to make the banker bros shake in their lil’ puffers. Halloween masks are kind of like a hack in and of themselves when it comes to finding more unique costumes, because they’re all you need. No big get-ups, no complicated couples costumes; just you and a few ounces of latex that will make everyone who sees you say, “Nope.” 

If you want everyone at the party to avoid you

Of course there's a coronavirus mask. Has any other monster been so scary as to dramatically transform society with the speed of this fugly little virus? "Set the mood with a head mask that depicts the infection in a microscopic spiked sphere rendering a large grotesque halloween mask—the spirit of Halloween in its essence," the description reads. Poetic! 

LoveChloeSlime
Coronavirus mask

$34.99 at Etsy

A mask that will make other people wish they were wearing masks

Perfect for sitting too close to other people on public transportation. 

Zagone Studios
Snot Your Problem Old Man Mask

$45.21$32.77 at Walmart

We all scream…

Horrifying? Appetizing? Weirdly friendly? We're imagining a conference room full of people in suits brainstorming new mask ideas, and things getting deeper and deeper into WTF territory, until eventually, Ice Screamy Scary Adult Mask by Deja Boo emerged. Bonus points if you get this and play ice cream truck music out of a Bluetooth speaker everywhere you go. 

Deja Boo
Ice Screamy Scary Adult Mask

$26.62 at Amazon

Too many moving parts, or just enough?

Back in the late 90s [wheezes, hair turns gray], it felt like the Scream mask was enough to freak people TF out. Now, masks have movable jaws and tear-off faces revealing even more petrifying stuff underneath??? Kids these days… 

Sundacor
"Which Is Me" Tear-off Type Mask with Movable Jaw

$28.59 at Amazon

Like I was saying…

Now it's not enough to look like Edgar from Men in Black; nope, now you've gotta have your skin peeling back, your jaw falling off, and a malevolent skeleton bursting out of your face. Great for small children to trick or treat and be answered with this. 

U/D
Scary Devil in The Mouth Halloween Full Face Monster Mask

$15.03 at Amazon

Karens, the demons next door

This mask would like to speak to the manager, AND MAKE IT SNAPPY. Oh, don't you film me! 

Horryar
Creepy Karen Cosplay Mask

$13.15 at Amazon

I'm gonna puke

A certain staffer at Rec Room lived with a roommate who owned this mask and kept it on display in the living room at all times. She blames that mask, personally, for COVID-19, murder hornets, and the barge getting stuck in the Suez Canal. 

Trick or Treat Studios
Day of The Dead Doctor Tongue Mask

$60.64 at Walmart

Punk is dead, actually

Do we think this dude listens to good punk—Discharge? Bad Brains?—or corny shit like The Casualties? Either way, that face makes us wanna run the other way. 

W&S
Realistic Scary Full Head Latex Mask

$25 at Amazon

You’re an introvert

Are you, though, clam face?? If you have a briny personality and a love of sitting at the bottom of the ocean floor with lantern fish, this is the mask for you. You’re gonna labia the way you look, I guarantee it. 

Plkaio
Clams Face Mask

$35 at Amazon

You’re a big weeny

Something tells us the owner of the Vajankle may be partial to this one. 

Asylum Zone
Dickhead Mask

$19 at Amazon

​That’ll show ‘em

Yup, we are passive aggressive enough to spend our hard-earned dollars on something we already have, just to send an even bigger bird to The Man. 

Tropical Penguin
Middle Finger Halloween Mask

$20.99 at Amazon

A new take on Spiderman

One of our editors thinks this ghastly abomination is kind of cute, though rest assured—reasonable people at your office’s Halloween party will vehemently disagree. 

HalloweenCostumes.com
Adult Full Spider Mask

$89.99 at HalloweenCostumes.com

If you’re already lanky…

… Hit the streets as Slenderman. Not only do you already have a pseudo-face mask situation going with this mouth-less get-up, but you look like my worst creepypasta internet nightmare in the flesh. That, or one of the thumb dudes from Spy Kids.  

HalloweenCostumes.com
Adult Slender Ghost Mask

$39.99 at HalloweenCostumes.com

The spins, personified

Jesus. But also, bravo. This is exactly what it feels like to no longer be able to pound down beer-and-shot combos without consequence, and there is nothing more frightening than an optical illusion, and a reminder that W E  A R E  O L D.  

HalloweenCostumes.com
Vertigo Adult Mask

$69.99 at HalloweenCostumes.com

This Halloween, you’re the borscht

It’s about time you got some credit for sweating over the pierogi station this year. Plus, there’s no better side dish to accompany a plate of potatoes than some cigarette ash.

Mario
Old Nana Latex Mask with Head Scarf

$28.79$21.99 at Amazon

You’re just a hot mess

Who is Officer Francis, and why did he stick his face in the meat grinder? That’s for me to never know, and you to tell everyone at the party. 

Trick or Treat Studios
Officer Francis Severed Head

$81.48 at Amazon

Your maiden name is Monsanto

Were you left in the vegetable bowl a little too long? Escape the compost bin? Or perhaps you came from the cursed seed of a GMO crop. 

HalloweenCostumes.com
Evil Corn Mask

$54.99 at HalloweenCostumes.com

This too-realistic poodle face

Feel that? It’s a nice, chilling breeze from Uncanny Valley, brought to everyone at the party by you and your poodle mask. Pair it with a silk robe, and ask for a nice tall glass of milk to creep everyone out.  

CreepyParty
Dog Mask Poodle Head

$25.99 at Amazon

Fuck it, mask on. 


The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. 

Tagged:

amazon, Halloween, Gross, scary, Masks, halloween costumes, costumes

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