Do you have a big mouth, and an even bigger anus? Then you’ll probably agree that sexual discretion means many different things, for many different people. Especially when it comes to sex toys, and the who-what-when-where of using them during our travels. We’ve written a whole treatise on the quietest vibrators for getting off in tight quarters without bugging your roommates, thanks to whisper-quiet motors (all praise the Womanizer Duo). That manifesto is already a short list of many of the vibes we take with us on vacation; the lucky ones that get to bust out of the house to watch the sun—and your penis—rise above the Ibiza horizon.
Of course, there’s this nightmare people have of going through security at the airport and having TSA pull out their foot-long schlong in front of everyone, but let me tell you, dude: They do not care. Do you really think your anal beads are the weirdest thing that has passed through LAX? Absolutely not. Never has an agent ever posed with one of my toys in front of everybody like a straight Tinder dude with his fish. Please. They’re busy.
But maybe you need your sex toys to be discreet in size, simply because you’re traveling light. In that case, there are plenty of BDSM accessories that can slide into your carry-on without taking up valuable space—and there are plenty of bullet vibrators, cock rings, and finger fuckers that can fit in your backpack while you climb Half Dome, you beast.
Here are our favorites for wherever the function may take you.
A whisper-quiet motor
These are vibrators that keep to themselves. Every single one passes the A Quiet Place test, from the penis stroker and the G-spot stimulators to the dual wand by Womanizer and the clitoral vibrators that get even quieter when suctioned to your nethers. Bonus points to Dame and Lelo for making sure their clitoral toys still feel nice and rumbly.
A smol vibrator
We really don’t mess with battery-powered vibes if we can help it. No bueno for the environment, man, and such a pain in the ass to change. Luckily, more and more companies are starting to make rechargeable vibrators, which do fall on the louder side but make up for it by being the size of your finger. Speaking of, did you know they also make finger strap-on vibes? Oreo-sized erogenous pleasers?
All eyes on me in the center of the ring
Cock rings are another discreet sex toy to take on vacation, because they don’t even have to vibrate—or even be a ring, as evidenced by the CalExotics penis lasso. These rings are small, supple, and a choice couples' toy to take on the weekend trip. Make it even kinkier, and get one that’s remote/app-controlled.
Carry-on sized accessories
Depending on what kind of travel diva you are, you’ll probably be in need of a spanking once the plane touches down. Slip that furry paddle right in your carry-on luggage, and zonk out mid-flight with a sleep mask that moonlights as a kink mask. If you’re unsure about taking the full set of hogties with you, bring a simpler, more discreet silk bondage set. Garnish with some nipple clamps, practice saying, “They’re earrings, marshal,” and voila.
Massage, and bon voyage.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.