Inside the Subreddit Where People With Big Dicks Discuss Big Dick Problems

“I get groped almost every time I pass through airport security.”

06 July 2021, 10:15am

Porn videos often start off with something like this. After some heavy petting, the man starts to remove his pants, and then his underwear, revealing what many folks in the industry call a “monster cock,” making the woman exclaim how big it is.

For many people from this subreddit, this situation is all too familiar. Except, the other person’s surprise is often less to do with excitement and more to do with horror and shock. 

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The subreddit r/BigDickProblems (also known as BDP) on Reddit is exactly what it claims to be – an online community where people with big dicks talk at length about what it's like to be well-endowed, and the big bulge of problems it brings forth. 

Set up in August 2011, the almost decade-old subreddit is now at 200,000 members. “It started off as a space for memes,” says the community’s co-founder Bo from the U.S. East Coast. But it didn’t take long before it aroused real questions on penis size, and the difficulties that come with having a big dick.

Like all other r/BigDickProblems members we’ve spoken to for this piece, Bo requested the use of a pseudonym because they didn’t feel comfortable discussing their genitals in public.

“We still have jokes about toilets that are filled way too high because it’s annoying when the toilet water touches your dick,” said Bo. “But today, the subreddit is more than about the difficulties with the toilet seat. People here reveal the issues they face in their sex life, insecurities, body image issues, and mental health. Some accuse people of lying or bragging if they say they have a big dick, but this community is a safe space for everyone.” 

In a world that unfairly equates cock size with virility, the subreddit has grown to become a support group for people with long schlongs around the world. It includes people of all sexualities and gives them the space to talk about their problems without being sexualised. Members have spotted fetishists and size queens on the forum but they are usually reported and blocked. The community itself, though, does not have a size limit. “Hell, you don’t even need a penis to be here,” reads the “About” section of the subreddit.

18-year-old Kabir – a student from Mumbai, India – stumbled upon the subreddit after struggling to find the right fit for condoms, “The ones I’ve found have been uncomfortable,” he told VICE. “I use an XXL condom but it’s still tight at the base. Limited condom options in India don’t make the situation any better.” 

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Kabir reveals that he has yet to have sex, but he’s worried about accidentally hurting his partner, a concern that echoes several others’ on the community. “I’m grateful for this subreddit because there are healthy conversations around male sexuality and penis size. It’s hard to find something like this.”

Luca, a 24-year-old post grad student from Milan, Italy, has spoken on this group about hooking up with someone in the past who’d started bleeding as a result of his big penis despite having taken precautions like using lube and engaging in foreplay. Years later, the problem occurred again with his current boyfriend. 

“The first time was painful for the both of us,” he said about having sex with his current partner. “For him, because he wasn’t used to someone of my size, and for me, because when someone’s tight, it literally squeezes my penis and makes it hurt.” 

Almost a year and a half later, they’ve finally found ways to have painless sex. “But we went through long periods of not having sex. I was filled with anxiety and self-loathing because I thought I’d hurt him and didn’t deserve to be with him. Now, what works for us is fingering, rimming and foreplay. After that, I penetrate him but let it remain like that even if it’s halfway. Since I’m girthier at the base, I never go balls deep.”

Painful sex is something Penelope – a 29-year-old transgender woman from the U.S. East Coast who co-founded the subreddit – has experienced too. “My first sexual experiences involved vaginal tears and more blood than we expected,” she said over email. “I had no idea that was something I had to watch out for. The concept of being too big to fit seemed relegated to porn and power fantasies. And yet it turned out to be one of the most common problems we see on the subreddit.”

Most of the people that VICE spoke to also reported facing body dysmorphia due to their penis size. 

“What I consider average-size genitals are actually gigantic for someone who’s smaller in height and weight,” said Andrew, from Orlando in the U.S. The 37-year-old bodyguard is six feet and five inches tall. A few years ago, Andrew decided to shed some extra body weight, managing to drop close to a hundred pounds. 

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But when he got leaner, he noticed the relatively enormous size of his penis for the first time. “When I weighed 400 pounds, I was confused if I was actually big or if women were saying that just to be nice to me because my dick seemed average size to me all these years,” he said. “If I were to get even leaner, my dick would look as massive as a porn star’s.” There’s a lot of discrepancy reported in average penis sizes with studies indicating it between 5 and 6 inches. “It’s a bummer if my sex partner has a small vagina and I’m not able to climax because of it. The women often end up blaming themselves and that causes unneeded stress in a relationship.”

For 26-year-old Eric, a software engineer from the Dallas-Fort Worth area in the U.S., having a girthier base added to the body dysmorphia. “I was really confused about my size for the longest time, especially when it came to condoms,” he said. “I have a thick base at 5.3 inches but my length is at 5.6 inches which is kinda average. Only when I checked my size on CalcSD did I realise that girth matters, too.” 

CalcSD is an online condom size fit calculator that recommends condoms based on penis size. The website also calculates penis sizes by percentile. 

Eric believed he had a small penis for the longest time, and his insecurities grew deeper after seeing bigger dicks in porn videos and Hentai. “But this community has given me the chance to connect with people who are in the same position, and that’s validating in a way,” he said.

Katya, a 25-year-old former cam model and transgender woman from Plano, U.S., found the subreddit while lurking online. As a transwoman, she was already dealing with body dysmorphia but her penis size made it worse. 

“Waking up with random erections and dick bulges isn't a pleasant experience for a woman to go through, and [it] made my body dysmorphia worse,” she said. “Tucking (ways one can hide the penis and scrotum) was extremely painful and uncomfortable. I still had erectile function even after starting hormone replacement therapy and undergoing a surgery to remove my testes, which is extremely rare.” 

A few months ago, Katya decided to get sexual reassignment surgery and say goodbye to her penis for good. “I’m still recovering, but I can finally say I’m cured of big dick problems.”

Xee, a 28-year-old post grad student from Monterey, U.S., first had big dick problems when he developed erectile dysfunction in his mid 20s. At 7 inches’ length, he often felt like he was “being pushed out” while having sex. 

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“Hitting the cervix felt really jarring and uncomfortable for me,” he told VICE over email. Since erectile dysfunction medicines made his erections long-lasting, he decided to get into amateur porn and started filming a bunch of videos. But he stopped soon after. “I started getting requests to fuck other people’s wives and that got really fucking weird,” he said. 

The subreddit also helps members talk about the harassment and groping they face due to their larger size. “I get groped almost every time I pass through airport security,” said Penelope. “When your flaccid size is bigger than the average person’s erect length, you may be seen as a pervert regardless of how you behave in much the same way that women with large breasts are seen as more promiscuous, even though that doesn't make sense.”  

Andrew recalls being sexually harassed in public spaces while working. “I have had women non-consensually grab my penis and balls while I’m working at bars or clubs, sometimes squeezing too hard and causing temporary discomfort,” he told VICE over email.

The subreddit itself has faced harassment, too. Penelope said members and moderators of the subreddit were targetted by slutshaming accounts, and they were harassed for weeks. “It got so bad that members, even some moderators, had to remove themselves from the subreddit,” she said. 

VICE has accessed screenshots of this harassment that included calling a woman a “size slut” and “loose slut” after she posted about what it’s like to have sex with someone with a larger-than-average penis. Other forms of harassment have included trolls asking members to send nudes or making creepy comments on their size. 

A possibly less toxic but frustratingly annoying form of harassment is leaning on unfounded beliefs and stereotypes.

“There's this mistaken idea that you can use various measurements as a proxy for whether or not someone has a big penis. People sometimes talk about ring finger length, while some allude to shoe size,” said Penelope. “It doesn't really work that way, but pop wisdom is hard to fight.” 

Several posts on the subreddit deal with being stereotyped about penis size due to someone’s race. A young Black man describes how he was asked if he had a “BBC” (big Black cock) even before he knew what it stood for.

At the end of the day, members of the subreddit hope to spread awareness around big dick problems and the discomfort that it brings. “The subreddit possibly saved my life,” said Xee. “I know better because of this online community. If I didn’t, it could’ve led to an accidental pregnancy or an STI due to condoms breaking on me.”

Follow Jaishree on Twitter and Instagram.

Tagged:

Sex, porn, penis, big dick, big dick problems, penis size

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