Bidet-Curious? Get Up to $50 Off During Tushy's Huge Sale

I remember the first time I tried a bidet. It was at this bomb udon spot in Brooklyn, which was already delicious and gorgeous and perfect and smelled like a rich yoga mom—but the bidet took it to the next level. I mean they were offering, if not inadvertently, to primp their guests’ bums, and how can you outdo that? That’s Mother’s Love. I was reborn in that bathroom. Three years later, and I’m still thinking about it. And don’t you want the same thing for your home, and your friends? 

Bidets were intimidating to me, I realized, only because I grew up with a Midwestern mother who calls vaginas “front butts” and thinks that skylights and pet food are yuppie extravagances. The reality is that a good bidet isn’t hard to install, and absolutely worth it. 

And think about it: If you got poop on your arm you would wash it, not wipe it. So why aren’t we all using bidets already? Why are we settling for the coarse grind of tree bark over our bums like some hapless 17th-century pilgrims? Even if you have hot pink toilet paper (and we do), it’s not going to get your anus Swarovski-sparkling unless you’re squirting some Fohm (the sustainable device disrupting ass wipes) on the paper. A bidets in is a league of its own, baby [hangs up fire truck hose] and if you’re ready to pull the flush lever (DO IT), Tushy is having a sitewide July sale from now until July 31, with up to $200 off their easy-to-install bidet attachments, which are definitely the resident cool kids of the bum-cleaning game. Yep you'll get $15 off $100, $30 off $150, and $50 off $200+—and that's on top of these already marked-down prices on their beloved bidets.

In their words: “Like snowflakes, no two buttholes are the same.” So give yours the Bellagio waterworks treatment it deserves. 

*Now* we can make our way over to the gemstone anal plug aisle. 

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