The It Bag of the Summer Is a Cooler, Baby

Every summer, it’s the same story. We settle for schlepping our beer, sammies, and balls of burrata to the park in tote bags that can’t pull their weight (not their fault!) or get drippy, diaper-butt corners from condensation. That ain’t it. 

How is it that in The Year of Our Gaga, 2021, every bag is not a cooler? Are our everyday belongings also not worthy of being coddled? Why shouldn’t they be chilling inside silver insulation that looks like Andy Warhol’s Factory for Polly Pockets? Maybe we’re late to this epiphany, but there’s no better time than the present to buy a cooler, especially if you don’t have one already. We’ve missed hanging out with the friends, foes, and randos at the beach. And now that we’re vaccinated, we will be Hard Chilling in the park from 6 PM to sometime after the late-night baconeggandcheese witching hour, and we will require our food and drink to be protected from spoilage. 

We’re in it for the long haul. We need coolers that roll, lock, and fold down into a pancake for easy storage—or ones that just look like a purse our rich aunt would own. We need an ice box for  banging up on the trail, and we need a vanity cooler that speaks to our undying love for vampires, Iron Maiden, and Big Buck Hunter. So, crack open that pilsner, and let’s see just what kind of Lake Dad you can become. 

We should tell you now: This article is filled with our undying love of Igloo, the company “born from a modest metalworking shop back in 1947” that has been safekeeping our picnic spread in sooo many styles over the years. This time, they’ve revisited the classic picnic basket shape, and given it a 90s color palette. 

We will also be taking this cooler grocery shopping, to the farmer’s market, and every family function that will always be needing more sauerkraut (duh) before flattening it out, Pixar-Lamp-style, and stashing it behind the fridge. We have no emotional bandwidth for anything bigger, sometimes, and we appreciate that it knows when not to take up space. 

Who knows where you’re truckin’ today. Doesn’t matter when your goods are so well-insulated. 

There’s a reason outdoorsy people are obsessed with YETI, and it’s pretty simple: Their stuff keeps your goods really cold, for a really long time. They see your needs, which means they also see the four bottles of pét-nat you’re trying to take to the park without clinking up the street. This cooler is sized to fit your big bottles, and is 10 percent lighter than previous models.

This top-rated Igloo cooler is 50 percent off, and will act as a magnet for anyone else at the BBQ who will be down to play Big Buck Hunter at the bar later. It also comes in a dreamy electric blue (and tan if you’re going even simpler). 

All my high rollers out there: I see you. Coleman is another great, long-standing American brand for schlepping your seltzers. This one holds up to 84 cans, and the insulated lid and walls claim to keep your goods cold for up to “5 full days of ice retention at temperatures up to 90 degrees Fahrenheit.” Damn. 

Somewhere between the aesthetic of lost 1960s summer, and that cursed NYPD robo-dog, you will find this cooler: A patio-dwelling chiller that rolls around, and doubles as a side table. 

Oh, man! We left our wallet at home. Can we Venmo you later, Ina Garten?  

… Or a Baby Yoda stan. Yet another reminder to keep your eyes on the many rad, rad collaborations Igloo does for the *gestures in Italian* culture. Chill with the beats, or scram. 

Summer is peak vamp season. Will this keep your beer cool? No. Will it keep it cool in character development? Yes. Nestle into these plastic coffins with Bestie, and relish in the sweet, fleeting feeling of getting buried alive in cold Miller High Lifes, and forcing anyone who wants one to look in your blood-red eyes. Stop putting so much chlorine in the pool. 

Golly, bro. Hit me up on the rotary when you head to the Catskills this summer. 

May your sauce stay ever cool, and your best bug spray flow freely.  

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