When ancient Olympic athletes competed, they were drenched in olive oil. When they won, they were gifted even more (massive jars) of oil. This was overkill to my ears, years ago, when it was explained passionately by an undergraduate Classics professor. Understandably, I was one of many students more concerned with YA forehead acne and where to get my next Carlo Rossi hookup than in venerating the health properties of a quality oil.
Now, I’m in my late 20s. I’ve got ghost acne scars, dry feet, and a growing serum cabinet. The other day, I took a whole skin-conscious chomp out of a whole cucumber. These are all fairly big strides for me, a person who has a newfound interest in caring not only for my head, shoulders, knees, and toes, but every other part of my body. That includes les pubes.
We style our hair, trim our nails, and lube our genitals. But what about bush care? There are certainly enough ads and resources for body hair removal. What about down-there hair veneration?
Serendipitously, the Instagram ad bots agreed with me; They sifted through my search history (mostly: “vibrator sales,” “shag rugs,” “buy Topo Chico in bulk”) and gave me a glistening salve to my woebegone vagine: Fur Oil.
Fur Oil, $46 at Dermstore
Fur Oil is a potion specifically made for pubic hair care, a blend of “jojoba oil (to soften the hair and moisturize), grapeseed oil (for hydration), tea tree oil (to prevent ingrown hairs), and clary sage seed oil (to reduce redness and irritation).”
There’s also an undeniable cult-product intrigue to Fur Oil that made me want to try it out. It has a phalanx of loyal four- and five-star reviews online, and was most markedly catapulted into fame when Emma Watson said, “I’ll use [Fur Oil] anywhere from the ends of my hair to my eyebrows to my pubic hair. It’s an amazing all-purpose product,” selling out of a year’s worth of stock in three weeks. The founders even appeared on Shark Tank, and Slack chatter amongst our own editorial team has been abuzz about the stuff, as it feels like it’s everywhere on our socials.
So finally, it appeared before me. It’s a sentient, golden orb with a 70s-nostalgic font, and it was there to remind me that self esteem can (and should) start at the pubic follicle. OK, I get it, was the message I telepathically sent to my Classics professor when I whiffed its veritable farmers market of brain-smooching scents; I get why those Greek bros wanted to be gifted and slathered in good oil. It’s a VIBE. It feels straightforward, yet come-hither in that sexy glass bottle. Elevated, but not in a convoluted way. As Fur’s website explains, this oil is “specifically designed for pubic hair and skin, [with a] signature blend of lightweight oils [that] gently softens hair and clears pores for fewer ingrowns and healthier skin.”
It’s also a relief. In an increasingly confusing, and over-saturated beauty and wellness market that’s ruining everything, the power of a choice body oil is legitimately important. We certainly aren't making any medical claims here about the necessity of pube oil (LOL) but historically, certain botanical oils “possess specific compounds with antimicrobial, antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and anti-itch properties,” explain researchers in Natural Oils for Skin-Barrier Repair: Ancient Compounds Now Backed by Modern Science, “making them attractive alternative and complementary treatments for xerotic and inflammatory dermatoses.” Especially in light of these self-care-heavy, Strange and Uncertain Times, we’ve seen not only a higher demand for more natural products, but companies greenwashing their claims. At just under 50 bucks, Fur Oil isn’t cheap. But when you find an au natural company for your aspiring au natural bush needs, you give it a go if you can swing it. (Hot tip: There’s also a smaller bottle for sale on Amazon for $28.) It’s also supposed to be choice for armpit hair, chest hair—anywhere that would matter to someone trying to have sex while Axis: Bold As Love spins on vinyl:
The Fur company was founded in 2016 by sisters Lillian Tung and Laura Schubert, our modern-day Romulus and Remus, who suckled all the hairy wisdom from the Beauty Wolf’s teat, and siphoned it into one smoooooth operation out of New York state. “Cosmetics is a crowded place,” Tung told Fashionista, “and pubic hair is an empty space. So I was like, Yeah, no brainer. Everybody has pubic hair and we should make sure that we help them take care of it, no matter how they want to."
I’m a brunette with slightly curly hair, and sometimes I feel like my bush looks not just dry, but ashen. I would love to go for a fuller bush (I have a kind of midway bush ATM; It’s barely post-winter hibernation) but whenever I let it grow out it just feels… spiky? Spindly? Like all those cranky-spooky trees in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Upon opening the bottle, the first thing I noticed about the oil, other than its good looks, was how layered the scent was. Think top notes of York Peppermint Patty, tree bark, and sunshine; not flowery, but clean. Nor did it feel like the scent was unnatural. Instead, it kind of blended with my own body odor to create a subtle natural musk, which is what I wish so many other products—especially deodorant—would do. Work with us, not against us.
The first time I applied it was midday, on dry skin. I noticed a difference in the way that you notice a difference in a plant you finally remember to water: After a few moments, my hair was revived. It was shiny, not oily, with all the controlled volume of Warren Beatty’s glossy hedgehog hair in the movie Shampoo (1975).
After showering that eve, I put some droplets on my pits and pubic hair, as encouraged. To my glee, it didn’t oil-slick my underwear or T-shirt (you really only need a few squirts), and the next morning, I realized it wasn’t just the hair of my bush and pits that felt better, but the skin around it felt more supple as well, which got me wondering: What other parts of my body have I been ignoring? Should I candle my ears in full bimbo-wear? Braid my baby neck hairs?
Yes, it's a luxury product for your body hair. But what's so wrong with that? Aside from caring for us, Fur Oil helps us feel like we're caring for more of us. And I will die happily die on that well-oiled hill.
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