Are You Getting Any? I've Had the Same Partner Since I Was 18

Hagar has been with her boyfriend for almost a decade and worries about appearing closed-minded.

19 January 2022, 8:45am
Welcome to 'Are You Getting Any?', a column that asks a generation rumoured not to fuck if they in fact fuck.

Hagar, 26

Quality of sex overall: 9/10
Frequency of sex:
7/10
Intimacy levels:
10/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck:
12/10
How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex:
6/10

VICE: Hi Hagar! How would you describe your sex life? 
Hagar:
It’s happening! I've been with the same person since I was 18, so I've only slept with one person in my whole life.

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You’ve been together for like nine years now? 
Yeah almost. We’re still going at it though, [our sex life] didn’t just disappear. We’re both still young. He’s 27. So it’s still happening!

Glad to hear it! 
Before this interview, I was thinking, ‘Fuck I don't have many interesting stories, like, nothing is very unusual about me.’ Then the day before I realised, fuck, I've only had sex with one person my whole life, so that is a bit unusual.

What’s having sex with the same person for nine years like? Can you see your sex life evolving before your eyes?
For sure, I’ve definitely changed and become more open.  I remember there was a time where my orgasm changed, they became stronger. It was like a revelation. It definitely is better in some ways now. 

How did your orgasms change? 
It was like a switch in my body. I don't think it's because we tried something new. I think it was more of a mindset than something that physically happened.

You were talking about having one partner not being interesting enough before. What makes you say that?
[Hook-ups] are just different from my point of view. Sometimes I'm super curious of how would I live that kind of life, whether I would enjoy these kinds of things, or if I could hook up with someone that I barely know. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to do that but you know, the grass is always

greener. Sometimes I do think having this security and having this person who you really know [is good] – you know what they like and you know how to do it… But I can't say that I'm not like super curious. It’s not like when I was younger, I was thinking that I just want to have like this one guy for my whole life. But it just happened and I appreciate him very much.

Hook-up culture is very pervasive, so curiosity definitely makes sense. 
Yeah, definitely. It’s just thinking like, what do I want from sex? Can I achieve this in my relationship? For now, I think we're both comfortable in the way that we explore sex with each other. But I'm not not open to the idea of having other experiences in the future. I think that if I feel that coming, I just have to be open about it and see where it goes. It’s hard to know how I’ll feel in the future and whether it will get weirder for me that I’ve only had sex with one person. 

Do you think you have the same amount of sex as your friends who are dating more casually? 
Yeah, I think there were periods of times when it was less than that… Like a whole month would go by no sex at all. When I was on the pill, my sexual drive completely went away, so I think I had to put more effort into it. Now – I think I stopped it like a year ago – my hormones are back to normal and it [feels] way more natural.

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Is sex important to you in a relationship? 
Yes, for both of us it's important. Maybe even more important for him. 

OK. So what do you think of the British Medical Journal research? Is social media to blame for us all shagging less?
I wouldn't agree. In some ways I feel like sex is more [available] because you can use your phone to find it. That wasn’t available for our parents. Maybe if we didn't have that in our lives, we would have to go out more and see people face to face. But you know, I feel like social media is helping us. You can meet up with people you wouldn’t have met [otherwise]. I know a lot of people meet on Instagram. I would say social media is really connecting us. 

Do you know other people of your age who are in long term relationships? 
Sometimes it’s like, I’m not embarrassed but I’m afraid that people assume other things about me when I say it. Like maybe they will think that I’m not open-minded since I’ve been with the same person from a young age. Maybe that’s just what I think of myself, I don’t know. But it's super nice and we experiment.

You’re experimenting with your partner?
We're really open about it. We talk about fantasies and try them out. We’re open-minded about that. I don’t think we’re so eccentric though, you know? Maybe we are.

I think it depends on your own experiences. What’s eccentric to you?
I don’t know. We’re using sex toys and we got a leash for me. I don’t know though, I feel like if I had these experiences with other people then I could tell you. Maybe if I had experimented with other people, I would say we’re actually very chill.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

If you’re 18-30 years old and want to be featured in the Are You Getting Any? series, send an email to nana.baah@vice.com with the subject “Are You Getting Any?”.

@nanasbaah / @darinacreative

Tagged:

Sex, Dating, relationships, Are You Getting Any?

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