A Beginner’s Guide to Fisting

The first time I heard the word “fisting”, I thought: Ouch! A whole fist is supposed to go up there? But it turns out that inserting your hand into a partner’s vagina or anus isn’t supposed to be painful for anybody, and it definitely doesn’t involve punching your way into a hole. It’s supposed to be pleasurable. And pretty intense. Turning your honey into a hand puppet might sound impossible, but with the right techniques, communication and plenty of lube, you can make it happen.

For a lot of people, fisting can feel amazing. “Combining the full feeling of a fist along with clitoral stimulation has resulted in some of the most intense and satisfying orgasms I've ever had,” says porn performer, author and Fisting Day co-creator Jiz Lee. That’s because fisting puts pressure on multiple pleasure centers at once, creating a powerful sensation for the receiver.

Some people enjoy fisting for reasons that have nothing to do with the physical sensation. Fisting fosters a deep sense of intimacy, since it requires extensive communication between partners. The “taboo” aspect of this sex act can also be a major turn-on for both the receiver and the giver. Watching your whole hand disappear inside your partner is an experience you’ll never forget.

If you and your partner have had your usual chat about STIs and consent and they’re ready to get stuffed like a turkey, follow these tips for a safe and satisfying fisting adventure.

First, let’s talk vaginal fisting.

Vaginal fisting tends to be easier than anal fisting because the vagina is highly elastic. Its resilient walls are generally built to accommodate what’s inside – whether that be a baby’s head, a girthy dildo, penis or a lover’s fist. That said, obviously everyone’s vagina is completely different and some find penetration more comfortable than others. Plus, if you’ve had a vaginoplasty, it’s a good idea to consult with your doctor before getting fisted, since your vaginal walls aren’t quite as stretchy.

Regardless of whether the receiver’s vagina is dripping with excitement, you’ll definitely need some lube. Silicone lube will last the longest, although water-based lube also works, you just might need more of it. And don’t forget to lay down a towel. The lube might create a sticky situation, and if the receiver is worried about destroying the sheets, they won’t be able to relax their pelvic floor!

Wearing a latex or nitrile glove isn’t a requirement, but it can be helpful. Gloves provide STI protection and smooth out the giver’s hand, which can help you slide inside your receiver (Plus, they look hot – especially if you’re into medical role play). Just check in with your partner about any skin allergies, as not everyone responds well to latex.

Also very important: make sure your fingernails are filed and your hands are clean. “Dirty hands can disrupt the vagina’s pH balance and natural bacteria, causing yeast infections,” Lee explains. And for the love of all things hole-y, take off your rings!

Before you try to vaginally fist a partner, go down on them, use a vibrator or try some dirty talk or role play – whatever gets them hot and bothered. “Being really, really aroused helps, including having had an orgasm or two, before attempting to go deep,” Lee said. That’s because arousal helps the receiver’s body relax, which makes any sort of penetration much easier and more pleasurable. 

Fisting takes time, so – like a lot of sexual acts – it’s important for both partners to find a position they can comfortably sustain. Ideally, the receiver can get on their hands and knees on a soft surface or lie on their back with their knees up. If you’re the giver, using a pillow to support your elbow can also be helpful.

Before you start jamming your fingers in there, remember that fisting is about the journey, not the destination. “Sometimes lovers can try several times in sex before fisting happens,” Lee said. “Take your time. Enjoy the process. It's okay if it doesn't happen!”

Lube up and slowly insert your fingers one at a time, giving your partner plenty of time to adjust to each digit. When they’re ready for all five fingers, move your fingers together in a “duck bill” shape (or that chef’s kiss emoji). If your partner wants to try getting past the knuckles, stay in communication and breathe together. When you feel their vagina relax, slide the rest of your hand in. You’ll notice that your hand naturally folds into a fist.

Now that you have a whole hand inside your partner’s vagina, what next? Depends on the receiver. You can angle your hand towards their belly button for some G-spot pressure, gently stroke their cervix or throw in some small side-to-side or forward-and-back movements. Your receiver might also like some external clit stimulation from your other hand, a vibrator or mouth. Sometimes the intense feeling of fullness is enough stimulation on its own, so your partner might want you to keep your fist still while they rock their hips against it.

It’s also important to go slow on your way out as well as your way in. “It helps for the fistee to take a deep breath as the fist is removed in the same shape as it first went in,’” says Lee. Fisting can be an intense experience for both partners, so aftercare is a must. Take some time to cuddle, debrief, share water and snacks – whatever helps you both come back to equilibrium.

Unless you have a medical condition that makes anal sex dangerous, you can probably work your way towards getting fisted in the backdoor, but it takes patience and obviously enthusiasm. Bear in mind that anal fisting is for advanced butt-stuffers who already have lots of experience giving and receiving anal penetration. So if that’s you and your partner, read on!

Before attempting anal fisting, make sure the receiver has had a bowel movement in the past few hours. If they want to feel squeaky clean, they can douche with water one or two hours beforehand – although plenty people claim douching isn’t necessary. “It isn't essential to use an enema bulb for a deeper clean, but if it makes you feel better and sexier, go for it!” says Alicia Sinclair, sex educator and founder of the anal sex toy company b-Vibe.

Whether the receiver chooses to douche or not, with any anal activity, there’s a chance you’ll see some brown. This comes with the territory. If the idea of getting poop on your fingers makes you cringe, wear a latex or nitrile glove. A glove will also provide STI protection, which is especially important for backdoor play – anal fisting comes with an increased risk of anal abrasions and tearing, which can facilitate STI transmission.

How do you decrease the risk of anal tearing? You use silicone or oil-based lube (and lots of it) – just don’t use oil-based lube if you’re wearing a latex glove, since oil can degrade the material! Butts aren’t as elastic as most vaginas and they don’t self-lubricate, so you absolutely must use lube for any anal penetration, especially fisting.

As with any sexual act, get in the mood and warm up! Warming up for anal fisting might involve genital stimulation, but you’ll also want to warm up the booty itself. Try rimming the receiver or using a vibrator between their cheeks. The receiver can also spend some time wearing a butt plug – especially one with a girthy stem, which can train their ass to open up for more intense penetration.

The actual action of anal fisting is essentially the same as vaginal fisting (think: clean hands, “duck bill” shape, nice and slow) — just go even slower. You might feel some resistance at first, so communicate with your partner every step of the way. Anal fisting shouldn’t hurt for anyone (and if it does, stop and do something else). “Once you get past the knuckles, there's no need to push any further,” Sinclair said. “The second anal ring will naturally draw the rest of the hand inside.”

Once you’re in, you can fold your hand into a fist. You can also curl your fingers towards your partner’s belly button to provide prostate or G-spot stimulation. “Some people like to remain wrist-deep, but if you're feeling it, the giver can move even further, allowing more of their arm to enter the anus,” Sinclair says. The receiver might want some genital stimulation in addition to your fist, too.

When your partner is ready to release your fist, fold your fingers back into the “duck bill” shape and slowly and gently pull your hand out. Remove the glove, wash your hands and don’t forget to practice aftercare.

No matter which hole you’re stuffing, fisting isn’t always possible, and that’s okay. Lubricate, communicate and enjoy the process!

@munrowhite / @rivercousin