What is sexy…? Sit down. Allow me to school you.
Sexiness exudes from within and oozes out into the world around you. It’s in your presence, in the way you carry yourself, in your confidence and your outlook on life. It’s in the way you treat other people. Sexiness is subjective. Sexiness is a vibe. You might be hot, but are you sexy?
There are some people out there whose particular embodiment of attitude, humour, outlook, kindness, creativity, style and general HOTNESS combines to make them simply, irrefutably, undeniably, unbearably sexy.
But sexy people are not a monolith. Just as everyone is sexy in their own way, every sexy person has their own unique interpretation of what it means to be sexy.
So what do unbearably sexy people find sexy?
Desperate to know, seeking deep insight, I decided to bite the bullet and ask some of the people I find utterly, undeniably, unbearably sexy: What turns you on and off?
Author’s note: I find these people sexy but yes, sexiness is subjective. If you don't find these people sexy then A) I don't care and B) get a grip
Libra ☀ Libra ☽ Sagittarius ↑
So cliche, but being funny will do it for me every time. Physically, I like odd and distinctive features ~ big crooked noses, pronounced brows, funny teeth. When people are confident, playful or expressive in the way they dress. And if you’re passionate or focused in some area; a skill, hobby, or even just a personal hyperfocus… that’s cute and hot to me.
Long, janky toenails. Being a bigot. Or like, being rude, disrespectful or dismissive to others. Overcommitting to a bad fashion trend or cultural uniform… like that millennial gym bro vibe with the ribbed skinny jeans, deep V tee, and raw ankles? Bro yuckkk.
Pisces ☀ Aquarius ☽ Gemini ↑
Bad breath: I do not want to be able to smell your breath.
People with the means to go to therapy and choose not to / people who choose to not go to therapy when they could: Like, if you’re going to go out to Miscellania every weekend, and spend heaps of money on drinks and everything, surely you could afford a therapist, you know what I’m saying? Clubbing is not the therapy I’m requiring from a partner. It definitely is a form of therapy, but would love emotional regulation skills as well.
Cis men: Derr. Instantly a turn-off. I mean, I think men are cute, I’m appreciating from afar, but it’s not doing anything for me, personally.
People with no ambition: People who don’t have goals… I’m a very ambitious person myself, so I like someone who’s on the same wavelength as me, so we can support each other as we grow together and slay the world… as a couple. That’s kinda cute.
Pillow princesses: I’m a pretty busy gal, so I don't necessarily want to be doing everything in the bedroom as well. If that’s like your M.O, that’s so cute and I love that, for you. For me, not so much. Don’t enjoy a starfish.
Adventurous eaters / people who can cook: Obviously I’m eating good at all times. Eating good is not bangers and mash 24/7. I want to eat something crazy that neither of us have tried before. And also, yeah, I love a chef. Cook me up a storm and I’m honey in your hands.
Visibly queer people: I’ve always been attracted to queerness, as a queer person. And I know a lot of queer women who like to turn straight or bisexual or questioning girls or whatever, but I’ve never been into that myself. I’m not interested in someone who looks straight. I think we all know what straight looks like, and I’m just not into that.
Stylish / strong sense of personal style
Confident people: I love confident people, people who are confident in themselves and their lives, that kind of ties in with having a strong sense of style as well. I think we’re all confident and insecure in different ways, and I think having that aura of knowing your worth is a really big turn on for me.
Intelligence/ people with a curious mind
Pisces: Fun fact about me, I’m a pisces and I’ve dated so many pisces. Two of my ex girlfriends were pisces, my current girlfriend is a pisces, I find it funny that being a pisces is a turn on for me, as a pisces.
Passionate and ambitious people: Kinda talked about it in my turn offs, but people with passion and ambition and the intelligence to go for those goals is VERY much a turn on.
Scorpio ☀ Virgo ☽ Aquarius ↑
Here are my TURN ONS
- MASSIVE COCKS (this can include strap ons)
- MASSIVE TITS
- MASSIVE FUNNINESS
- MASSIVE MUSCLES (this can include the heart because I’m pretty sure it’s a muscle)
- A LOVE OF PISS
- Versed in leftist politics but not in a wanky elitist kinda way but a “I’ve had lived experience” kinda way
- Butterfly kisses
- Good movie taste
- Playing with my hair
- If they build flat pack furniture
- MUST BE A CLONE OF MYSELF
- Doesn’t have a foot fetish
- Can’t be really random in public
- Tiny grinch heart
- Bigots (but this is in a sexy way. Like, it turns me off but it also makes me horny (Google Horseshoe Theory)
Aries ☀ Sagittarius ☽ Aries ↑
Pre-Sexy Antics: I’m pretty demisexual most of the time, so everything I find attractive or horny is on a spectrum. I find that people turn me on when they’re undoubtedly creative, silly and I can see that they’re comfortable around me.
During Sexy Antics: It’s hot when people match my energy and have the confidence to tell me they want to take me down. Playful ownership in bed and that primal look in someone’s eyes when we are together. More of that. More of this pussy is mine.
- Bad listeners. You don’t want to listen to me talk about myself for an hour???
- Bad breath and shit in your teeth. Please brush your teeth, please just do what you need to get that plaque away from me.
- A lack of independence and emotional awareness. I am not your actual mother even if you want to suck on my tits.
- Clingy people. Enough said. There is nothing horny about wanting to be around me every single minute everyday
Capricorn ☀ Virgo ☽ Virgo ↑
Turn on: Willing and able to take control
Turn on: Signs of maturity
HUGE TURN OFF: Skinny jeans (are you not uncomfortable…?)
Capricorn ☀ Scorpio ☽ Scorpio ↑
A firm grip
Sexy voice and words
Competition / challenge / dominance
Vulnerability / softness
Spontaneity / adventure
Outdoor / public / taboo sex
Heat / sweat / spit
Watching someone touch / fuck / lose themselves
Emotional intimacy / intelligence
Actively working on mental health
Has depth / creativity
Kink / role play
Respects boundaries / consent
Security and freedom
Fluid / switch-y / queer energy
Squirting on someone / being squirted on
The taste, sensation, scent, and sight of pussy.
Unaware / un-evolved shallowness
Bad hygiene / breath / B.O.
Drinks / smokes / scrolls too much
Avoids eye contact
Low mental health literacy
Can’t crack / take a joke
Hates children / animals / is shitty to waitstaff lol
Poor communicator / consent abuser
Bitches about others
Lack of spirituality or compassion or connection to self
Fixed / closed-minded
Unwillingness to try new things or communicate around / about sex
Cancer ☀ Gemini ☽ Leo ↑
Men that read. And nice smelling hair.
I am turned off by picky eaters – especially if they don't eat fruit and veg. You just KNOW their cum is gonna taste salty. Flip-flops. Bad grammar. Morning breath is a turn off. When they're addicted to Instagram or TikTok. Only I'm allowed to do that.
When they have ~hipster~ glasses, you know the ones I'm talking about. When they're too passionate about a hobby they have, especially if it's something like rock climbing or bikes? That's an ick.
When they don't make their bed.
Vaping is a turn off, when they're so addicted that they're feral for it. I can't imagine anything less hot than someone scrambling to find their vape on the couch…
Flip-flops are a big one. If they've seen ANY Marvel/I can't even remember the name of the other one. Oh, DC movies.
If they own/wear beanies.
Pisces ☀ Aries ☽ Taurus ↑
Where do I even begin to describe my love and lust for my fellow multi-racial king Keanu Reeves? I once watched an interview where Keanu said his ideal day would be to have sex six times a day. For someone who can get themselves off seven times a day, this makes me UNBEARABLY horny. He also produced an independent film about a Black trans sex worker a couple years ago. As a Brown sex worker, I’d let him hit for free. However he’s too much of a sweetheart that he’d probably still pay and tip well.
Hoe fit + bonus with hoe nails
I’m one of those people that if I feel like I need a pick-me-up, I put on something slutty. A couple white guys in my writing class pissed me off, so I showed up to class wearing a bikini top and jeans the next day. Feeling sexy while being unbelievably sexy is not only a job, but a lifestyle. And nothing turns me on more than taking up space and making white people regret their racism and whorephobia.
Me in general
I’m honestly at a point in my life where I love myself, my energy, and feel sexy and powerful. I’m so powerful I made people pay me online for my emotional labour. My pussy once made someone I hadn’t fucked in over a year buy me a Maroske Peech top and I think that says a lot.
I feel like this should be self-explanatory. There’s no bigger buzzkill than a white guy spiel. I’ve been hearing them all my life and it’s high time someone tells white people it’s a turn-off. No Brown pussy for you (unless you’re paying me then I’ll oblige because my rent doesn’t pay itself).
Apart from allegedly giving half of NYU chlamydia, I just don’t see the appeal. He gives me nepotism baby energy but not in a hot Bella Hadid way, more a Northside trust fund baby living in gentrified Brunswick kind of way.
People who give shit head
I don’t think there’s anything more sad than someone going downtown and expecting you to cum in ten minutes.