How to Have a Safe-ish Friendsgiving This Year

In the Before Times, typical Thanksgiving prep included coordinating travel plans back to your hometown or the abode of your partner’s somewhat distant relative; considering what side dish you’d have the best chance of pulling off; and mentally bracing for potentially uncomfortable dinner conversations.

This year, however, any hope for a traditional holiday season has been thrown by the wayside. The pandemic has made in-person gathering, travel, and visiting with elderly or at-risk family members hazardous—not that sharing food with a bunch of people in the midst of a very contagious global health crisis is particularly appealing.

But given the year we’ve had, it’s reasonable to want to connect with loved ones and celebrate something. “You need a community together and you need your circle,” said San Francisco-based party planner Edward Perotti, who’s produced events for the likes of Ariana Grande and Nick Jonas.

Now that our local COVID bubbles have become our support system, Friendsgiving takes on more importance than ever. And if you’re located in a city or town where COVID-19 transmission is low, hosting a small dinner among friends can be a relatively low-risk way to celebrate the season—if you take precautions. Call it a micro-Friendsgiving: a very small get-together with your chosen family to share your gratitude for one another.

Without question, the safest bet for a micro-Friendsgiving is to hold it outside. According to the CDC’s holiday safety guidelines, an outdoor meal with friends and family within your community poses a moderate risk. “The air recirculates and it's much harder to be exposed to enough viral load to be infected,” Richard Wender, chair of the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, told VICE. “Everything you can do outdoors, do outdoors.”

But depending on the climate where you live, an outdoor dinner may not be the most comfortable experience, even with the help of blankets and space heaters. However, it is possible to have a safe indoor micro-Friendsgiving, Wender said, but you’ll have to do a significant amount of planning—and then adhere to those plans.

If you’re thinking of rallying your chosen family for a small Friendsgiving dinner, here’s how to make sure everyone is safe and well-fed.

People have been gathering in person to various extents for months now, so Friendsgiving may seem like a natural way to celebrate for some friend groups. But you absolutely cannot be lax with everyone’s safety. As cases continue to rise in most of the country, in large part due to small gatherings according to the CDC, you should only host a micro-Friendsgiving under specific circumstances. First, check the community infection rate where you live. If more than 3-5 percent of tests taken in your town or city are positive, you shouldn’t gather with people outside your household.

If your community percent positive rate is below the 3–5 percent threshold, you can start planning your micro-Friendsgiving. This should be a local event, meaning guests shouldn’t be traveling in from out of town—nearby friends only. However, should positivity rates climb the closer you get to Friendsgiving, or should anyone on the guest list start having any symptoms, hosts should be willing to cancel. No hard feelings: It’s just to keep everyone safe.

For both indoor and outdoor micro-Friendsgivings, it’s important to make some decisions and safety guidelines ahead of time.

Think about the guest list.

For both indoor and outdoor gatherings, be selective about who you invite to your micro-Friendsgiving, Wender said. Those who are already within your established COVID bubble and who you know are adhering to safety guidelines are fair game. That friend who only sometimes wears masks and regularly attends indoor house parties (and posts about it on Instagram)? They should probably stay off the guest list. If there’s any chance that your outdoor gathering could transition to an indoor dinner due to weather, keep your guest list small enough to ensure everyone will have enough room to social distance inside, Perotti said.

Now is the time to show extra kindness to folks who may be in need of more social interaction, Swann said. If you’re stuck on who to invite, prioritize friends who live alone or have shared that they’re emotionally struggling. “Dive a little bit deeper and decide who needs to have more social connection,” etiquette expert Elaine Swann told VICE.

Set safety protocols and share them in advance.

Along with your invite—whether you send a text, email, or mail an invitation—should be a note about how many people you’re inviting and the safety guidelines everyone should expect to follow come Friendsgiving. (These will largely be the same for both indoor and outdoor gatherings.)

While a strict two-week quarantine isn’t necessary prior to your micro-Friendsgiving, Wender recommends hosts and guests be meticulously careful in their day-to-day activities for no less than 10 days before the event. This means avoiding crowds, always wearing a mask, paying attention to symptoms, and being honest about possible exposure—which are all things we should be doing anyway. Getting tested before the gathering won’t necessarily hurt, but, as VICE has previously reported, false negatives can happen, and testing should really be done in conjunction with limiting your exposure to other people. Both hosts and guests should be transparent about any symptoms they may have, regardless if they tested negative, and be willing to cancel if there’s any chance they might be sick.

You should also tell your guests that masks and social distancing are mandatory throughout the entire evening, except while eating. Yes, that means you must wear a mask even if you’re six feet apart, Wender said. But if you have to take it off, try to keep at least 10 feet away from other people if you’re outside, Wender said.

For indoor micro-Friendsgivings, inform your guests that the windows will be open the whole time and surfaces will be disinfected regularly (and then… do those things). “If you’re going to be indoors together, it’s the combination of masks and keeping six feet apart,” Wender said.

While the likelihood of catching the virus from a surface is relatively low, Wender said it isn’t a bad idea to have disinfecting wipes in the bathroom and to ask guests to wipe down any high-touch areas after each use.

For an extra layer of protection, air purifiers (which cost a couple hundred dollars on the low end) can limit the spread of COVID-19 indoors.

To help make masking feel like it’s woven into the fabric of the party, Perotti suggests supplying guests with masks beforehand that they can decorate, or holding an ugliest mask contest. If you’ve got a little extra cash, you could get custom masks made for the occasion, like facial coverings printed with a funny or iconic photo of the friend group, he said.

Let your guests know only one person at a time is permitted to use the bathroom (so, no loitering around the door) and that they’ll be expected to sanitize their hands frequently throughout the night.

It’s up to the host to set—and enforce—these safety precautions, but avoid casting judgment or shame if you do see someone slipping on social distancing or masking. Instead, Swann said to frame the correction as a gentle nudge or reminder: “Don’t forget to keep your mask on if you’re not eating,” or “Oh, would you mind wiping down the microwave before you head back to the other room? The sanitizing wipes are right here!”

Stand firm in your safety expectations, Swann said, because if you bend the rules to fit one guest’s preferences, you’ll find yourself making tweaks and excuses for everyone who voices their opinion, while letting your other guests down. If a guest isn’t comfortable with your rules, they can decline the invitation. (And don’t feel offended if they do!)

Inform your guests about the menu.

Tell your guests how the meal will be prepared and served. Since there have been no recorded cases of  COVID-19 spreading through food, Wender said a potluck is still a viable option. However, if you’d prefer to keep everybody’s portions separate, Perotti is a fan of bento boxes: The host prepares dinner and pre-portions everyone’s meals into bento boxes that also serve as a party favor.

If just the thought of cooking an entire meal is exhausting, tell your guests you’ll be placing an order ahead of time for takeout. Swann suggests designating one person to handle ordering, pickup, and payment; everyone else can Venmo or Zelle them for their portion. Do not, under any circumstance, eat your dinner out of to-go containers, Swann said. The host should still plate everyone’s meals on actual dishes—and it’s totally fine if they’re disposable.

When it’s time to eat, once everyone is seated at least six feet apart—this is absolutely not the time to sit shoulder-to-shoulder, Wender said—they can take off their masks to grub.

From keeping warm to building the ambiance, here’s how to make sure your outdoor Friendsgiving is more special than your average picnic.

First, consider your space.

“The event can only be as big as you're able to keep safe,” Wender said. Take stock of your outdoor space and think about how many people you can realistically invite over while ensuring each guest can keep a minimum of six feet from one another. If you have a small back patio, the guest list will be considerably smaller than someone with a large backyard. (Perhaps you can kindly suggest the friend with the large backyard host the gathering if they’re comfortable.)

Instead of trying to cram as many people as possible into one small backyard, it might make more sense, if you're able, to host multiple micro-Friendsgivings to ensure you get to celebrate with everyone, Perotti said.

For those with large outdoor spaces, pick the most idyllic area for your event to ensure your guests have the most picturesque dining environs. “You might have a beautiful deck with a great view or a lush garden area that is very welcoming and inviting,” Swann said. “Place your guests in the area that’s going to extend the best experience for them.”

Set up your space.

For those who live in a place where Thanksgiving means brisk air and winter jackets, you’ll need to make sure your guests are warm and comfortable. Depending on your budget and the size of your space, you can purchase an outdoor patio heater (a decently rated low-ish price heater will run you anywhere from $150 to $199) or you can build a good old fashioned fire (some cheaper fire pits range from $35 to $90; check local regulations on these items first if you live in an urban area). 

Don’t drive yourself crazy on decor and instead focus on the materials you have available at home already, Perotti said. One of his recent clients had a bunch of wood pallets stored in the garage, so Perotti bought fabric to lay over the pallets and turned them into makeshift tables where guests sat on pillows on the ground. “If you have vases sitting in a closet somewhere, bring them out, build around it,” he said.

But for safety’s sake, Perotti suggests seating guests based on their household. So if your guests consist of a couple and then three friends who happen to be roommates, everyone who lives together sits together. (This goes for indoor Friendsgivings, too.)

If you’ll be sitting on hard chairs or picnic benches, supply your guests with pillows or at least blankets to sit on, Swann said, and tell guests to bring their own blankets if you don’t have a ton.

Stock your bathroom with plenty of hand soap and paper towels, Perotti said, and make sure hand sanitizer is readily available throughout the dining area.

Find festive ways to stay warm.

Use this as your excuse to perfect your hot toddy. Throughout the evening, make sure the warm beverages are flowing, from warm apple cider to hot sangria, Perotti said. “Think about what it’s going to do for people’s emotions,” he said. “You want them not just happy, but you want them feeling some quiet joy.”

For another creative party favor, Perotti suggests gifting your guests insulated thermoses or cups to keep their wintry drinks warm.

Even if booze is plentiful, make sure everyone stays on top of their safety game. A buzz might impact guests’ decision to flout the rules—a quick hug here, the removal of a mask there—so consider designating one person to be the sober buddy for the evening. Just like a designated driver gets their friends from point A to point B safely, this COVID sober buddy will ensure social distancing is adhered.

Also: be everyone’s hero and have a supply of HotHands hand warmers at the ready for guests to stuff in their pockets.

Have a contingency plan.

Even the best laid outdoor plans can be thwarted by a snowstorm or rain. That’s why, before a menu is set and the forecast is predicted, you should have a contingency plan if it’s simply unrealistic to go forward with an outdoor meal. Enlist one or two friends to help you move the party into the garage if need be, Swann said. Or set up a Zoom link a few days in advance and turn the gathering virtual the day of if necessary.

There’s nothing wrong with rescheduling or calling off the event altogether if the alternative means suffering through a freezing meal or by putting your guests in an uncomfortable position by inviting them inside. “If your plan is outside and you really don't have any other means or any other options and the weather causes your event to be canceled, that's not bad etiquette, that's thoughtfulness toward your guests,” Swann said.

While outdoor micro-Friendsgivings are preferable, Wender said small indoor gatherings can be executed safely if you’re particularly careful.

Again, think about your space.

As in all spaces where there are people, Wender advises guests to keep a minimum of six feet apart if you’re going to be hanging inside, and even further while eating. Be realistic with how much room you have in your apartment (and maybe even use a tape measure) when it comes to the guest list. If the main living area in your home can accommodate two guests in addition to you and your roommate, the micro-Friendsgiving has to be capped at four.

To optimize your indoor space, Perotti suggests moving furniture out of your largest room into another area and getting creative with social distancing. For his own Friendsgiving, Perotti is clearing the furniture out of his living room and setting up distanced two-person cocktail tables for each guest and their plus-one. Or, you could turn your micro-Friendsgiving into a camp themed fete with blanket fort tents for each guest. “It’s just a matter of taking a step back and looking at what you have and looking at the possibilities,” he said.

Make sure there is 10 feet in between people from different households when eating or drinking.

Before dinner is served, make sure everyone (one at a time) washes their hands with soap and water. Then, when it’s time to eat, have everyone make their plate (or grab their bento box) one at a time—whether it’s takeout or homemade—and bring it back to their designated eating area. When eating inside, Wender said to keep at least 10 feet of space between guests since you’ll all have your masks off. You could also ask guests to bring their own dinnerware and silverware from home to avoid sharing high touch items. “This is probably not as important, but it doesn't hurt to ask,” Wender said.

Keep it quiet.

When humans talk, sing, and yell, particles—both small aerosols and larger droplets—are expelled from our mouths. Speaking at quiet volumes results in fewer of these particles floating in the air, and can limit how far the particles go. Since we know the virus travels in these particles, and getting these particles in your mouth, nose, and eyes is how COVID-19 is spread, remember to keep the music low to avoid loud talking and yelling indoors.

Sure, this might not feel like your typical Friendsgiving dinner, sharing hugs, dishes, and gossip. But it’s still worth it to celebrate. While hosting a micro-Friendsgiving involves a bit more legwork than in years past, don’t let it deter you from sharing gratitude with your inner circle—whether that’s 10 feet or 1,000 miles apart.

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