“I Never Felt Welcome Anywhere”: Young People Of Colour On Growing Up In Australia.

If you’re from a non-white background growing up and living in Australia, it’s likely that at some point in your life you’ve had an experience with racism – whether that be through playground taunts, throwaway comments by friends, or the police. 

It’s almost become a practice of initiation – a snippet from your own coming-of-age film – and no matter what non-European background you flourish from it’s become a way to connect with peers that have also been othered.

In this year's Australia Talks, which surveyed over 60,000 Australians, 76 percent of people from non-European backgrounds reported having been discriminated against at some point in their life. 

Similarly, in the 2021 Mapping Social Cohesion Report from the Scanlon Foundation, 60 percent of those surveyed thought racism was a “very big” or “fairly big” problem in Australia – a 20 percent increase from last year.

While the change in numbers can’t be pinned to a singular event, it speaks to a problem deeply woven into the fabric of Australian identity. And while some may be surprised by the results, for those who have experienced racism, it’s far from shocking.

To gain insight into the continuing problem, VICE sat down with five young people from diverse backgrounds to learn about their experiences growing up in Australia.

Nicole, Creative, 20 years old

What was it like for you growing up in Australia? 

I think from an early age I was always hyper aware of what made me different, rather than what made me good as an individual. I connected with people that were a similar race to me, or background, or culture, but maybe if they were completely white I wouldn't have gotten along with them. 

I always felt really uncomfortable around a lot of majority-white places and people, which is what I grew up around. I always hated myself for being different. Being Asian was so specific as well, because you don't go through enough shit for it to be a horrible experience, but you also aren't accepted at all. I was never completely bullied for anything, but I also never felt welcome anywhere. 

Did you find yourself trying to fit in when you were growing up?

Yes, definitely. In the most formative years I honestly didn't even know who I was because I just tried to grab pieces of the identities I was seeing around me. 

I went to a very white, inner-west Sydney school. No one outrightly said “you have to change yourself”. But you just find yourself falling into different kinds of interests and crowds so that you feel accepted.

Do you remember a specific experience that made you realise you may have been different?

There were so many. I remember I moved to a school that was mostly white but we had a class of gifted kids and the entire class was Asian. So out of the 100 kids, you'd have grades where everyone else was white, and you’d have one class of 20 with all the people of colour shoved into it. 

Also, people used to say, “Oh, you're pretty cool for an Asian.” I always thought that was such a compliment, but it did make me feel a bit weird. 

Then, as I got older, as an Asian girl I was so objectified.

When you say objectified what do you mean by that?

There's a few facets of it. I guess the complete hyper-sexualization, first of all. It’s just the comments you get, or the looks you get, or just people saying things to you that are honestly a bit degrading. 

You start thinking of yourself as one dimensional rather than this multifaceted person that can really explore yourself. 

From being a kid, to now, have you noticed a change in how people treat you? 

Like I said, I think being Asian... racially we don't undergo the most oppression. I can say that I'm pretty privileged but there definitely has been a shift, because now there's this weird glorification of — I can't really speak for everyone — but of tokenizing a person of colour. 

If I'm looking for a job I can tell that it's because I'm an Asian person who can offer this “new” perspective. When you walk into a room there's one person of every race. I don't know if it's white people being really curious about cultural perspectives, but I do now get more noticed for it.

The other day I walked through Manly and I felt horrible. It’s like the epitome of Australian beach suburbs in Sydney. At the core of it, it’s still the same feeling I had when I was 8 years old walking through similar places. 

Tig, Film Director, 25 years old

So what’s it been like for you growing up in Australia?

I think pressures of assimilation were too high. Differences weren't celebrated when I was growing up. There was also a lot of anxiety.

What was that anxiety around?

Probably around having to perform and make people feel comfortable at all times, as opposed to just focusing on being myself more. I thought that I was just threatening by default – literally by just being a black male. There was a time when I walked into a bar and a woman was like, “You guys aren't welcome”. 

Was there a specific moment in your childhood that made you feel different to the majority?

Well, the only conversations that people would have with me would be surrounding my differences. So it'd be immediately talking about my hair type, or how I don't get sunburned. Or talking about the time on the weekend they went to an Ethiopian restaurant, which is absolutely nowhere near my nation. They’d tell me what famous rapper I looked like. 

There was not a moment where I was like “Oh, I'm different”. It was blatantly obvious from as far as I can remember.

Have you noticed a change in attitude as you've gotten older?

I don't know if there's a change in attitude or if people are just more socially aware and things are more internalised or kept behind closed doors. It's a bit more hush-hush now, and a bit more about the way that you carry yourself. But you won't say it out loud. 

When I was 20 years old I was running for this train to get to fucking work. I jumped this tiny little train fence and it just so happened that two cops were getting off the train. They grabbed me, slammed me to the ground and put me in the train station cell for a couple hours. 

That was just clear police brutality, but there wasn't any social awareness around it. I was just scared and did nothing about it. Whereas right now, if that happened to me, those two people would be out of a job within 24 hours.

Lui, Model, 20 years old

What was it like for you growing up in Australia?

My first memories of living in Australia were when my family moved here when I was 10 years-old. On my second day of primary school I got called the N-word, which is pretty brutal, because until then I hadn't been exposed to racism ever. I grew up in Cambodia where it was a majority brown country. 

How do you feel being introduced [to Australia] in that way affected you, or your identity?

I guess it makes it hard to find yourself and feel included. As a child you want to feel fully grounded and included and wanted in the spaces you inhabit. But you just don't have that growing up in a majority-white country. There's always a space that's not safe. You're always so aware of how political your existence is.

Did you ever try to minimise your racial identity to fit in?

Yeah, I anglicised myself. I played up being a comedic figure to make sure I wasn't targeted. I played to people’s microaggressions just to survive.

Do you think, now that you've gotten older, that the way people treat you has changed?

I think because I choose to avoid all those people who treated me like that, and I choose to surround myself with other brown people, other queer people, and people who just aren't racist, I don’t think I feel that external pressure anymore. 

As an adult you have a little more agency. You can choose where you are. As a child I didn't have that choice. I was forced to be in these places – I was forced to be in a box in school.

What do you think about that study that said 60 percent of people still thought Australia had a racism problem?

Well, 100 percent of people should think that Australia still has a racism problem. Especially when you see cases like Kumanjayi Walker [an Indigenous teen who died in police custody in 2019] that are so politicised and so widely reported on. How can you ever deny the fact that Australia has a race problem? 

João, Videographer, 23 years old

So what was it like for you growing up in Australia?

It was pretty alienating growing up in regional Queensland. I was very much tied to my mum's cultural background, which is Brazilian. She's very much part of the culture and it was very present growing up, but I didn't really feel like I could be expressive in the school that I went to. Whether that be speaking the language or talking about the aspects of Brazilian culture. Overall, it was just alienating. I tried to fit in.

How did you try to fit in?

I would straighten my hair and play rugby union. I’d change the way that my name was said, like to “JD”. I felt very embarrassed by my mother, which is weird in hindsight. I’m not embarrassed at all anymore though. People would speak to her as if she had a mental disability. It was very patronising. 

I actually really hated growing up in Queensland. I grew up alongside Maori people and Pacific Islanders, and there's a lot of mob up there, but it was very hostile. There was definitely a binary. 

I’m pretty light skinned; I’m not dark or anything. And I used to get called the black kid in highschool, and the n-word at times, and I wouldn’t consider myself black.

Do you think as you’ve gotten older that people's views have changed around you, and perhaps in general?

I feel like in general, yes, definitely. Obviously everywhere has its own set of problems, but Melbourne’s such a large city with so many diverse communities there’s a space for everybody here. Everyone has their community in one way or another. 

Nadia, Video Producer, 27 years old

What was your experience like growing up in Australia?

Growing up in Redcliff, which is a small coastal town, it was predominantly white with the odd Southeast Asian family in the area. So it was just me and my brother. 

We went to a Catholic school that was super white. I didn’t grow up thinking I was different, but the earliest that I had ever felt “othered” was as early as first grade. I would always get comments like, “Oh, I love your skin.”

By the time I hit 17 years-old, everywhere I went there was always this weird interrogation from complete strangers that I started getting really sick and tired of. I had this whole spiel where I would have to talk about my entire background. Where's my mum from? Where's my dad from? It became so repetitive. 

By the time I was an adult I would get offended when people asked me all those things, especially if I didn't know them. 

The first thing that they would say to me would be “Where are you from?” Or like, “Your hair is so pretty. Your hair is so crazy”. Eventually, I started telling people, “Why do you want to know?” I would get really offended. 

Do you think that those people understood why you’d get annoyed?

Yeah, in my later years I would really reflect on that. I felt it was for them to categorise me so that they could feel comfortable about where they sat in society and who was in their territory.

People would come off quite nice, I think, because I was a girl. But my brother and my cousins wouldn't get that kind of endearing questioning. They would experience more blunt racism. I think because I'm a girl people thought, “Oh, she's pretty, I like her hair.” Whereas for men, like my brother, it was more outright racist like “Where are you from bro?”

Do you think that’s changed as you’ve gotten older – or in the last few years? 

I think because I've moved away from Queensland it has. I think in smaller towns it's a bit more prevalent. But in bigger cities there's a lot more multiculturalism. So I'll get it maybe once a month now. 

I'd like to think that people aren't so fazed by people of colour. I don't know if it's just an older generation thing. Maybe I just don't hang out in those spaces anymore. 

I still think that sort of shit does happen, but it's good that there's more conversations around it. I think people know that these days they'll probably get cancelled if they say anything stupid and racist.

Do you think your experiences have impacted your identity overall?

I think I've always looked at it in a positive way. The way my mum brought me up, she never looked at things negatively. But I don't know if that was just her being ignorant. So if people were commenting on my skin, she would say “Well, it’s because you’re really beautiful.” So I would always be like, “Ah, okay, it's not because I'm weird”.

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