It’s almost time for the vibrator sales to hibernate again, since we've all been stocking up on rumbly rousers for the long, flaccid winter. Whether you’re planning on locking down a steady hookup or significant other to brave the colder months of the year, or you’re wading through pumpkin spice season ~solo~, it’s always good to have a few of the best sex toys on the market at your disposal. It’s even better when you can snag them for up to 75 percent off—and thanks to our schlong-slinging friends at the renowned, online pleasure palace Ella Paradis, that’s now a possibility. (Or, in our case, an inevitability.) All you have to do is use the code FUN at checkout, and enjoy the savings.
Brb, mama’s gotta go get her buzz on.
This top-rated clitoral vibe is over $100 off
“This thing is the sex-toy equivalent of those people who think a bobcat might make a fun house pet," writes one reviewer, “I couldn't even keep the dang thing on me for longer than a few minutes, and I came twice.” Such horny efficiency. Such love for a clitoral vibrator that does not dick around with 10 speeds, waterproof silicone, and a fully rechargeable battery.
These luxury Swedish condoms
Never heard of LELO? Well, everything the Swedish luxury sex toy retailer touches basically turns to gold, as evidence by their gilded vibrators and commitment to high-quality product engineering that’s usually lacking in the wild, wild west of dildo slingers. They also make some of the best condoms out there that 1) don’t smell like balloons 2) have a patented helix design to give your sausage a snug but comfy fit, are made with a thin texture, and natural stretch. A second skin for your ~foremost~ skin.
The Fifty Shades of Grey line is actually amazing
I used to be kind of embarrassed by the fact that this is one of my desert island vibrators, just because of the cringe Fifty Shades of Grey branding. But who gives a fuck? When you find a rechargeable, waterproof, girthy and bulbous—but not too girthy—vibrator, you sing its praises. The raddest and most surprising part about it, for me, was how effective the rabbit ear attachment is at targeting your whole clitoris with determination, but sensitivity.
This cult brand makes a penis stroker
Long have we worshipped at the cult of the Satisfyer Pro 2 clitoral vibe (also on sale, baby), and now it’s time to explore the world of the beloved brand’s peen machines. “I'm over the average hand job,” writes one reviewer, “and [I’m] in love with this masturbator! It's easy to clean too and reusable for many more rounds to come.” It’s rechargeable, has not one but two motors, and will kiss you on the forehead right after you cum. A staple sex toy from a ride or die brand.
This Dr. Who micropenis pump
Despite its alien-esque design, this micropenis pump—the first of its kind, we should add—won’t abduct and probe you. It’ll be you doing the probing, whether it’s a partner or a futuristic male masturbator. This pump is specifically designed for penises that measure up to three inches when erect, and “uses water power to significantly increase size,” according to the product description.
Happy slug trails.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.