The internet threw a fit of BOB-like proportions on Tuesday when David Lynch announced he had pulled out of directing episodes for the upcoming Showtime revival of Twin Peaks . "I left because not enough money was offered to do the script the way I felt it needed to be done," he tweeted. Cast members even came together in a video montage to express just how un– Twin Peaks–y Twin Peaks would be sans Lynch. ("Twin Peaks without David Lynch is like a log without its bark," said Log Lady Margaret Lanterman—or, shall we say, like a Log Lady without her log?)
The internet may not remember, however, that of the original 30 episodes, Lynch only directed six and co-wrote four. He did direct Fire Walk with Me, the 1992 movie that was supposed to give fans closure at the time, though about the best thing that can be said of it now is that David Bowie is in it.
So would a Lynch-less Twin Peaks really be the worst thing to happen to Twin Peaks since the Black Lodge? (Keep in mind that Lynch has already co-written all of the new nine episodes with Mark Frost.) Amongst YouTube's cache of dudes soulfully playing the theme song on their guitars (and one on an accordion), cats bathing themselves to the theme song , the Sesame Street parody "Twin Beaks" featuring Cookie Monster, Silent Drape Runners music videos, Lego "Twin Bricks," and gamers recreating Twin Peaks in Minecraft, there are clips from the actual series. We've embedded a few below. Can you correctly identify which ones Lynch directed? For the answers, scroll down towards the bottom.
1) The scene where a fight breaks out during Laura Palmer's autopsy
2) The scene where Ben and Jerry (ha! I just got that joke) Horne go apeshit over some sandwiches
3) The scene where Mike, the one-armed man, gets rhymey
4) The scene where Major Briggs and the Log Lady bond over a bear claw
5) The scene where the Horne brothers reminisce in some prison bunk beds about their first childhood sexual stirrings
6) The scene where Cooper bitches to Diane about some raucous Icelanders
7) The scene where Agent Cooper dreams of Laura Palmer and a dwarf in a red room
1. Answer: Season 1, Episode 3, "Rest in Pain," directed by Tina Rathborne
If curmudgeonly forensic pathologist Albert Rosenfield calling Sheriff Truman "a hulking boob" and then getting punched in the face seems Lynchy to you, then you'd be wrong. This iconic moment wasn't even written by the auteur but is brought to you by Harley Peyton.
2. Answer: Season 1, Episode 2, "Zen, or the Skill to Catch a Killer," directed by David Lynch
If it involves food, it's a good bet that Lynch probably directed/wrote it. Cooper exclaiming, "This must be where pies go to die" is also him. But apparently you shouldn't try to eat the pie at the real-life Double-R Diner since it is abysmal. But perhaps that's to be expected, considering the joint has been sold, robbed, and set on fire since the show went off the air.
3. Answer: Season 2, Episode 13, "Demons," directed by Lesli Linka Glatter
Mike waxing poetic that "He is BOB, here for fun. / He wears a smile—everybody run," then discussing the nature of parasites fits within the ethos of the series but also wasn't even written by Lynch. Bonus points if you got it right and also spotted Lynch here in the role of the hard-of-hearing FBI boss Gordon Cole.
4. Answer: Season 2, Episode 9, "Coma," directed by David Lynch
Classic Lynchy uncanniness and humor here. ("You wear shiny objects on your chest. Are you proud?" and "I do not introduce the log.") My log has something to tell you, though: This was directed by Lynch but written by Harley Peyton.
5. Answer: Season 2, Episode 15, "Drive with a Dead Girl," directed by Caleb Deschanel
While the brothers eating sandwiches was all Lynch, this tender scene of grinning boys watching Louis Dubrowski doing her sexy flashlight dance on the hook rug is brought to you by Caleb Deschanel and Scott Frost. "Lord, what's become of us?"
6. Answer: Season 1, Episode 5, "Cooper's Dreams," directed by Lesli Linka Glatter
This one was a bit of a giveaway if you were reading the credits. Otherwise, Diane, please inform them that this is 100 percent non-Lynch and just proves the point that it's often hard to tell which clips he directed.
7. Answer: Season 1, Episode 2, "Zen or the Skill to Catch a Killer," directed by David Lynch
OK, also an easy one—the surreal dream sequence is written and directed by Lynch, of course. In fact, a majority of the iconic moments from the show are in this episode (spoiler alert—though you have had 25 years to watch it, c'mon): the introduction of the Giant, the reveal of Leland as BOB, the finale in the Black Lodge, Major Briggs passing along the wisdom that "The owls are not what they seem).
How many did you score? It's clear that many minds (not just one) were involved in the making of Twin Peaks and Showtime could feasibly produce the third season without Lynch if need be. But, really, for such a beloved show, they should just pony up the money so he can follow through with his vision and produce it the way he sees fit.
Personally, I hope for the following from Twin Peaks in 2016:
1. Ray Wise. Leland is dead, but Ray Wise rocks. Just look at him singing "Mairzy Doats." Maybe he can pop up in the Black Lodge at some point?
2. Absolutely no mention whatsoever of nemesis Windom Earle. He talks to himself and laughs maniacally while playing chess. At this point, can't we just permanently ban villains from playing chess? Unless your name is "Ingmar Bergman," you do not get to have a character playing chess in a film/show.
3. No stereotyped depictions of minority characters. As much as I think David Duchovny looks hot in drag and as much as he wants in on the new eps , DEA Agent Denise was played for laughs and being trans is not a joke. Also, Hawk explaining that the White and Black Lodge come from Native American myth in order to give the concepts faux-spiritual legitimacy, only for Coop to swoop in and figure out the mystery, is uncomfortable.
4. No Ben Horne freaking out and restaging Confederacy battles with Warhammer figurines.
6. Everything. Everything else that made the show so great.
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