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Machine Gun Kelly Likes a Stiff Finger Up His Butt

We figured he'd be the perfect celebrity to answer a few questions from our Question of the Day series.

af Siobhan Cassidy
12 oktober 2012, 8:07am

Cleveland rapper Machine Gun Kelly – who just released his stellar debut album, Lace Up – is known for not giving a fuck and saying whatever the hell he wants. So we figured he'd be the perfect celebrity to answer a few of the best questions from our nifty Question of the Day series. Among all the things MGK shared with us, we were especially surprised to find out that although he's really into anal, blumpkins are complete turn off for the young MC.

VICE: Hey Machine Gun Kelly, what’s your sexual deal breaker?
: There are so many. It’s hard. It’s like a verbal thing. When a chick says, “I’m not that kind of girl,” it pisses me off. It’s like, you are here, you are clearly that kind of girl. Shut the fuck up. But I’m not about to convince you to fuck me.

Does this happen often?
Girls think they have to say they are not supposed to be like that. But they are.

What about a right-off-the-bat dealbreaker? Like if she smells or her teeth are awful?
Well, if she lets me like stick a finger up her butt, then that’s cool.

What do you think about anal sex?
I am 200,000 percent all about that.

What about if she wanted to stick a finger in your butthole?
Oh, yeah they can. They definitely can.

What does that do for you?
It’s just kinky as fuck. I like that dirty, kinky shit.

Bros before hos?
All day. But I mean real bros, not acquaintances like some guy I met three times. No way. Then it’s always hos over bros, all day. But if we are talking about real brothers, then it’s bros over hos.

If you had to say, would you like your dicks cut or uncut?
Cut all day. I’m circumcised.

Do you think it looks better?
It looks better and is healthier. Instead of bacteria gathering in the fold of your dick or some shit. I think the mushroom tip looks good, and the girl should like that. I like mushrooms in general. So she should embrace the mushroom as well.

How many people do you say have had sex with?

When asked, do you lie?
Dude, I’m always honest with the girls who I am somewhat dating. If I’m fucking somebody, then I’m going to say I’m doing my thing right now and I’ve got to go. But I don’t think girls even want to know. Because I don’t get that question too often. It would be awkward because it’s like around 500.

Do you think the higher the number of sexual partners, the better you are in bed?
Lately, I’ve been busting my load a lot quicker, which is unusual. Usually I can go for a couple of hours. I don’t know what’s going on. I think I’ve been smoking this strain of weed that makes me sexually sensitive.

That brings me to the next questions. What’s your favourite drug?
Definitely weed. Maybe shrooms.

Because I dig shit that comes from the Earth and shrooms open your mind up a lot. Sex on shrooms is a little weird though. Fuck that.

Bath salts?
I eat the pussy, but I don’t literally eat the pussy.

What was your worst drug experience?
When I was 11, probably sixth or seventh grade. It was the first time I smoked weed.

Did you bug out?
It was bad because I didn’t know that I was high. It wasn’t sweet at all. Getting high wasn’t awesome like it is now.

Well, what is your most embarrassing sexual experience?
Being shit on was the worst thing ever. When I was fucking a girl in the ass, she just shat on me. I was tapping it, and, you know.

Have you ever heard of the song "Ain’t Scared of Getting Shit on My Dick"?
That’s funny as hell. No, I’m scared of that shit.

Did you keep going or did you kick her out?
It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t even know about it until I was done. Then I was like, “You’ve got to be fucking shitting me,” literally.

Ever had a blumpkin?
What’s that?

When you get a blowjob while taking a shit?
I’m not into that.

So how are you into anal?
I make girls get cleaned before I fuck them in the butt. The butthole has to be clean.

You seem like an honest guy. What is the worst lie you’ve ever told?
Telling my dad I would go to college and graduate.

What did you do instead?
I became a rapper. And now we don’t speak.

Besides rapping, how about fighting animals? What’s the biggest animal you could kill with a brick?
An alpaca.

Why? They’re cute.
Because I see my strategy as aiming straight for the neck.

How would you go about it?
I would have a little girl dressed in a clown suit or a sunflower suit. She would walk in front of the alpaca and rock back and fourth, the way the wind blows a flower. The alpaca would be mesmerised by this flower. And I would just come up and kill it.

Thought of this before?
I always think of killing alpacas and shit.

Dressing a girl up in a sunflower costume, huh? Are you into role play?
I love that shit. Girls in school-girl outfits.

What’s your favourite one? Like Indians and cowboys?
I’ve never done that, but it would be sick. I like the punishing one. You need to be punished like, "You’ve been a dirty girl, now I have to punish you."

So, you’re into bondage?
Hell yeah, but the girls suggest it to me.

What’s the greatest threat to humanity?
Twitter, Facebook and other weak ass shit.

Is the Internet that bad?
Yes, it’s horrible. But camera phones are worse. That is the answer. Camera phones are the greatest threat.

Because people get caught up in shit. Two people can’t even fight like men anymore. They have to start all this shit. It’s just gay, man.

Have you been fucking a girl who tried to take photos of you on her phone?
No, not that I know of.

Have you ever taken a photo of a girl blowing you?
Yeah, but I do pornos all of the time. We’ll get the real shit, and do some crazy shit sometimes.

And the girls are willing?
I pick freaks man, extreme freaks. I don’t think having a conservative mind in 2012 is a cool thing.

What would you say is the meanest or toughest industry?
This industry, because you can log on any day and see that people are talking shit about you that isn’t true. People have an opinion when they don’t deserve one.

How so?
I posted a picture of me in a nice jacket yesterday, and everyone was like, ‘’You’re a fucking show off.” People were mad that I chose to buy a leather jacket and show it off because I can afford one. They want to see you stay broke, and they can kiss my ass. 

How long do you think do we have before global warming kills us?
Forty years.

Do you have psychic powers?
It popped into my head, it's an educated guess.

What is the main reason for global warming?
The use of fossil fuels.

Would you care if Obama was Muslim?
No, I don’t care who runs for president, no matter who it is. White or black or Machine Gun Kelly.

Do you have an opinion on Obama or Romney?
Both are puppets. I’m an anarchist. I have it tattooed on my stomach.

How old would you go?
For a girl?

Or a guy.
I would never do a guy, that’s disgusting. But I’ve done some old chicks before. I did a 37-year-old and shit. I don’t have an age limit. I’m 22, a fuck is a fuck. It’s enjoyable.

How young would you go?
18, obviously. I’ll fuck an 18-year-old on her 18th birthday. I would check her ID.

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?
One hundred duck-sized horses. I could just stomp on them. I’m 6’4”, I look at ducks all the time and plot stomping their ass.

What weapon would you choose?
Nunchucks because the Ninja Turtles used nunchucks, I’m down with the Ninja Turtles.

What’s your favourite deadly sin?

So you eat a lot?
You can never get enough.

Who’s the ugliest man in the world?
I really get the hint that you want me to say gay shit, but from a straight-person perspective... That kid who sings "Chocolate Rain". That’s an ugly, ugly ass motherfucker.

Do you like "Chocolate Rain"?
It’s fucking disturbing. I have no idea what it’s about.

Who is the ugliest woman?
What’s that girl who played in Sister Act? Whoopi Goldberg. She looks like she smells like Wagamamas.

Have you heard of the new STD called Super Gonorrhea?
No, what is that?

It’s a new strand of gonorrhea, but it's incurable.
Ah, I wish you didn’t tell me that.

You get it from giving blowjobs.
Well, I never give blowjobs, only receive.

Never say never.


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Ain’t Scared of Getting Shit on My Dick