THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS STILL THINK IT'S 1998
Has there been any band in history that have moved with the times less than RHCP? Still shouting like Fred Durst at a barmitzvah, still dressing like they're going to a beach party with Jess from Sweet Valley High. The only nod to modernity was Anthony Kiedis's Jeremy Scott leggings, which appeared to be made out of screen-grabbed iChat conversations. Yet even those, when coupled with those belted cargo shorts and "sup brah" bare-chest, they looked like something you could buy from the market stall in Eastenders, back when it was still run by Sonia Jackson.
BRUNO MARS IS BETTER AT DANCING THAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD
A lot of people probably spent the majority of the pre-game swimming in a sea of condiments, hot-dogs, and disses toward Bruno Mars - with many in the run up to the game saying he wasn't of the calibre a half time show requires. But with a few flicks of his Stretch-Armstrong lower limbs, these soothsayers were left dumbfounded. Mars demonstrated more flexibility in 10 minutes than Kiedis has in a lifetime of stilted thrusting by standing on a stage and busting out a dance-move that was at least ten times better than anything that Justin Timberlake has done since he changed his noodle hair-cut to a blow-dry.
THIS GUY THINKS 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB
I guess conspiracy theorists are feeling pretty fucking bullish after it turned out the government were listening to all our phone calls.
JOE NAMATH WORE A COAT THAT LOOKED LIKE MACKLEMORE
In case you're British, or watch a sport where play frequently lasts for more than 15 continuous seconds, Joe Namath is an old dude who has been rocking furs at American Football games ever since the 60s. Last night he turned up in a coat that looked like he and Macklemore had been shopping in the same crumpled-face white dudes thrift shop. But…
WHO WORE IT BETTER?
BOB DYLAN MIGHT HAVE BEEN FUCKING WITH CHRYSLER
Because surely he realises this advert is a joke? Key lines include: "Is there anything more American than America?", "You can't fake true cool", "What Detroit created was a first" (it wasn't, cars were coming off production lines in Germany and Eastern Europe years before the Ford model-T), "Cars made America", "Let Germany brew your beer, let Asia assemble your phone, we will build your car". This isn't patriotism, this is Paul Ryan on a coke-fuelled road trip spouting shit in the ears of passing foreigners. And surely Dylan, the man who has spent a good part of his life puncturing the American Dream, knows that. Which can only lead you to believe that this was a grand act of corporate subterfuge.
FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE, PRINCE WAS ON NEW GIRL
So after hours of a sport which we don't really understand, and days of adverts, patriotic visits to the troops and things being sponsored by other things, it was finally over. And then the good bit happened: Prince was on the post-Super Bowl episode of New Girl. Christmas really did come early for fans of kooky not-terrible sitcoms.