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We Interviewed a Bunch of Black Metal Cats; Yes, Actual Cats

"I have been waiting more than one thousand years, now it is time to rule with chaos."

Cats have dabbled in the dark arts since the Middle Ages. According to European legend, black cats assume human form to act as spies for witches and demons. The Dictionary of English Folklore references “regular, large-scale massacres of 'Satanic' cats, of burning them in midsummer bonfires.” In fact, cats were often used for demonic rituals, like burning effigies of the Pope with a belly full of cats “which squalled most hideously as soon as they felt the fire.” That’s metal as fuck!

Fast-forward to the Internet age, and cats are now celebrated for their dalliance with the dark. We’ve seen one of the most popular Internet felines, Grumpy Cat, appear alongside Immortal, the formation of Purrzum, a book about metal dudes and their kitty companions, and an entire Instagram account devoted to cats wearing backpatches.


Like all good denizens of the Internet, the cats are also tweeting. I interviewed a few of them about the weather, their weekends and various other workings of the dark.

Noisey: How has the great blizzard of 2016 been treating you?

I have been waiting more than one thousand years, now it is time to rule with chaos.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) January 19, 2016

Well, okay. I take it you like snow, then?

Frozen and cold, an existence I do know, open the gate, there's a mountain of ice, a cold world made for me.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 11, 2015

Nice. I like mountains of ice, too.

Massive mountains, powerful mountains, only me, bergs and peaks my throne.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 10, 2015

Right. What did you do this weekend?

I slept in the fires of Hades, but did not burn, I called the mighty Kraken, and watched him rise to do my bidding.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 25, 2015

That sounds more exciting than binge watching Making a Murderer on Netflix.

I died for this world, I became the nightmare for living men, blood-lust leads me and I kill, kill, and I die.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 11, 2015

Whoa there, Steven Avery. Any words on Lemmy’s passing?


— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 20, 2015

David Bowie, too. What is going on with 2016?

Terror and fright, bleeding corpses, rotting decay, pure fucking Armageddon!

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 5, 2015

Agreed. What’s your favorite color?

Black the ultimate colour, darkness the only aim.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 12, 2015

"Black the ultimate color." I like that.

Down in the abyss desolation awaits me, far beyond any light, darkness has taken my soul.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 8, 2015

Well, that’s kind of a bummer. Anything else?

All happiness is gone away, and all life shall end in death in a cold and deserted landscape.

— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) December 6, 2015

At least until the snowplows come.

Tina Haver Currin is following the freezing moon on Twitter.