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Gross Jar 2012 - Part One: It's Alive!

It's back and it's already awful.

We promised, about a week ago, that we would be resurrecting the Gross Jar (yes, Mr Uninitiated, the premise is as basic as it sounds: it's a jar, with gross things in it).

Well, here it is…

Welcome to the chronicles of the return of the Gross Jar. The plan is to return to the jar whenever we feel like it and “top up” the grossness with a selection of gorgeous new ingredients. The new Gross Jar is no flash in the pan, it will be an ongoing war against nature. If we can be bothered, we might theme some week's entries around an important cultural event or global observance. Or just fill it with whatever other disgusting shit we can get our hands on. This should keep the ecosystem of the Gross Jar exciting, fresh and current. It also gives us more excuses to hold interns' heads over it until they pass out.


So, this is Week One: Birth. To get things rolling we decided to get the obvious, readily available stuff out of the way, and add an assortment of bodily effluence. Think of it as the base of a really disgusting cheesecake.

We took this jar of Polish/ German (historically, not a good combo) vegetable bile, which had been sat in the warmth of the office unopened for a couple of months. Someone had enjoyed at least half of its contents, which made us think that what lurked inside couldn't be that bad, so we should probably empty it.

However, when we opened the jar (not easy, due to the build up of gas) the smell made us feel like a child had died, so we drained the brine and left the rotting vegetables in. Maybe it could be the new Gross Jar's placenta.

First to join the dead veg was a round of snot, earwax and spit coughed up generously by the author and photographers (yes, this job required more than one photographer).

This was followed by a helping of vomit.

Around this point some rotten tomatoes and drain hair found their way in there as well.

As did the dehydrated author's piss.

To cement the foundations, a human shit made its way along to the party.

And, as an afterthought, we popped in a Biro (a non-biodegradable item) and an apple (a very biodegradable item) to act as controls amid the disgusting chaos of shit and despair that is the Gross Jar 2012.

The birth of the jar, we feel, was a success. We'll be coming back to the Gross Jar soon to make important, clinical observations and, of course, to add new ingredients. Be sure to keep an eye out for Gross Jar updates, and, if you feel particularly inspired, feel free to make suggestions as to what else we should throw in in the comments.