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Cooking With The Vegan Black Metal Chef

But aren't you gonna bite the heads off things?

I have to admit; ever since the horsemeat scandal broke I’ve thought about going vegan, not that I’ve got a problem with eating horse, but I want to be on the safe side just in case it turns out that their mince also contains unfortunate hobos. The problem is, I imagine vegan food tastes like rabbit pellets and self-righteousness, and I haven’t got any vegan friends to ask for recipes because every one I’ve met has been an anaemic Jihadist – so you can imagine my elation when I stumbled across the Vegan Black Metal Chef.

Over the past few years, Brian Manowitz has turned his kitchen into a medieval dungeon, covered himself in corpse paint and slipped into a suit of armour for his YouTube vegan cooking show. He’s made twelve episodes to date, scrawls pentagrams on his chopping boards and all of his instructions are delivered in 15 minute-long black metal tunes that he records himself. I called him up to see if satanic sacrifices have any vegan options.

Read the interview on Noisey