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Listen to Stormzy's "Birthday Girl," the Sound of Him Making Every Other Boyfriend Look Bone Idle

"Your day started off with some bullshit / Should have started off with breakfast".

You know when you get completely romantically upstaged and it feels like you've been outmanouevred in some sort of chess game of emotions? When you're down the pub with your bae and another couple and they are talking about how they got each other a romantic weekend in Paris, went to the Louvre at midnight and drank Bollinger at Hôtel Meurice, and then they turn to you and ask what you bought eachother and you say "rice cooker"?


Well, last night Stormzy dropped a new track dedicated to the TV presenter, DJ and his girlfriend Maya Jama, instantly sending a million hearts into swoon overdrive and making every other boyfriend in Britain look like a bunch of bone idle and talentless wastemen. And yet, despite this being the most baller form of PDA since Tom Cruise climbed on Oprah's sofa, "Birthday Girl" is actually a pretty impressive, smooth, and creamy jam that even the iciest critic can't help but go "Yeah, that's actually quite good that."

Despite being about six continents away from UK rap or grime, fans of Stormzy won't be too surprised to hear this kind of candle-lit love song from him. On his Beats 1 show he regularly switches to the alter-ego of a baritone romantic he calls Sexual Chocolate, and constantly professes admiration for the art of a good crotch-poaching slow jam. So, without further ado, get your ears around "Birthday Girl" and relax into the comforting sound of young famous people in love.