Ariana Grande Deemed Unfit for White House Performance Because She Licked Some Donuts a While Back


Photo via Ariana Grande on Instagram

Last week, online journalism thing Wikileaks went on the offensive, releasing a trove of emails from Democratic National Committee staff members that, according to people who read the headlines on Facebook but don’t read the words within the piece and also cannot spell, mean that everything is RIGGED just like the NBA, boxing, and My Chemical Romance’s non-reunion.

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In fairness, digging deeper into the leaked emails isn’t exactly fun. It’s a lot like reading the emails of very boring people who work in an office all day and have chosen a life in politics, actually. But there was one little nugget of gold buried in the sand of ambivalence. Apparently, Ariana Grande was being considered for a performance at the White House but, due to her infamous donut-licking transgression of 2015, was vetoed.

Responding to an email from DNC Finance Chair Zachary Allen about the possibility of vetting Grande for a possible performance, Deputy Compliance Editor Kevin Snowden did just that. “Video caught her licking other peoples’ donuts while saying she hates America,” he wrote, incredibly succinctly. “Republican Congressman used this video and said it was a double standard that liberals were not upset with her like they are with Trump who criticized Mexicans; cursed out a person on Twitter after that person used an offensive word towards her brother.”

Note to all young singers who want to one day perform for their Commander-in-chief: do not lick donuts and do not say that you hate America.

Read the full thing here.

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