A couple of weeks ago, while you were busy trying to get a glimpse of Kate’s pixelated nipples, the first successful uterus transplants took place in Sweden, home of pickled herring, Ace of Base and, now, scary, hyper-future advances in human reproductive biology.
Ten surgeons relocated uteri from two mothers into their DAUGHTERS, which means some lady is planning on having a kid out of the same womb she was grown in. I understand this is a medical miracle and a huge step forward for couples who can't conceive and everything, but hey man, that’s also kinda creepy. It turns out the whole artificial baby-making business is actually pretty fucking repulsive, especially if words like placenta and replica amniotic fluid gross you out. And I'm gonna go right ahead and assume they do.
Scientists have been developing artificial wombs for the last decade or so in an effort to allow infertile couples to have a shot at growing their own tiny, screaming humans in a slime-filled tank in a laboratory somewhere in middle America. They've managed to breed goats and mice so far, but have to keep aborting the human attempts after 14 days. Apparently some prude made a law saying you can't grow babies for sport, or something.
It shouldn't take too much longer for all this planning to become a fully-fledged reality, though. Some genius has predicted that, by 2074, less than 30 percent of women will be having their own babies, because, well, who wants to go through the hassle of pushing a slimy child out of their vagina when they can just watch it grow from scratch and pluck it out when it's ready?
Don't get me wrong; I'm all for medical advancement and I'm not short of sympathy for people who can't have kids, but all this appears to be doing is giving two fingers to the survival of the fittest theory. Which has only worked for pretty much every single species since the beginning of time. Surely more medical research should be made in fields where the intention isn't to splice together the shitty genes of two people and create a new person with equally shitty genes? All this means is that scientists are going to have to spend millions more developing ways to keep the tank-born babies alive.
It's the your-grandmother-is-also-your-mother thing that really freaks me out, though. Hey Swedes, ever heard of adoption? Who ever thought that we'd devise something that would make Brangelina’s child well of African orphans look like the morally superior way forward for all humanity?
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