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Two English boxers had a fight when they weren't supposed to this weekend, but you were too busy fighting off an existential crisis to notice.

Sex
HITLER "HAD A SON"
A French woman has claimed she gave birth to Adolf's kid in 1918

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A woman named Charlotte Lobjoie reckons she had sex with Hitler in 1917 and gave birth to his son nine months later. This sounds like a publicity stunt, but apparently the story is backed up with "compelling evidence" published in French magazine Le Point. The boy was named Jean-Marie Loret. He never met his father and died in 1985, but did fight against the Nazis in World War II. Miss Lobjoie once regaled her son with the tale of how she met history's most reviled man: "One day I was cutting hay with other women, when we saw a German soldier on the other side of the street. "He had a sketch pad and seemed to be drawing. All the women found this interesting, and were curious to know what he was drawing." Sixteen-year-old Lobjoie was nominated to go over and speak to Hitler, and somehow she ended up with his penis inside of her. Jean-Marie was bullied at school, where he was known as 'the son of the Bosh'. Here's another funny story about Hitler: "When your father was around, which was very rarely, he liked to take me for walks in the countryside," Lobjoie once told her son. "But these walks usually ended badly. In fact, your father, inspired by nature, launched into speeches which I did not really understand. "He did not speak French, but solely ranted in German, talking to an imaginary audience. Even if I spoke German I would not be able to follow him, as the histories of Prussia, Austria and Bavaria were not familiar to me at all, far from it. "My reaction used to anger your father so much that I did not show any reaction."

Annoncering

Sport
THE WORLD LAUGHED AT THIS PAIR OF BIG IDIOTS
David Haye and Dereck Chisora had a fight without wearing gloves or standing in a ring

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Dereck Chisora got beat up by Vitali Klitschko this weekend, and then he got beat up by David Haye at the post-fight press conference. The two English boxers got mad as hell in front of the watching paparazzi and the videos of their scrap are funny. Chisora threatened to shoot David Haye afterwards, because he thought that Haye had bottled him. He also said: "If David don't fight me, I am going to physically burn him." He was arrested and questioned by police at Munich Airport on his was home from Germany. Apparently they're still looking for Haye, who most people agree won the post-fight fight, even if things did get pretty awk in the process.

Watch: VICE Meets - David Haye

Media
THE NEWS OF THE WORLD IS BACK FROM THE DEAD
Only this time it's called The Sun on Sunday

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Next weekend, a new newspaper called The Sun on Sunday will be in the shops. It will have been put there by Rupert Murdoch and a team of his employees, many of whom currently put together The Sun and formerly put together the News of the World. The journalists at News International were only formally told about the plans on Friday, but presumably they've at least half-known about this for a while now – possibly even since the NotW closed in July last year, due to the hacking scandal. In a letter sent round to all News International staff, Murdoch talked a lot about a "new dawn" and being more honest with everyone, but apparently the letter itself was littered with legal inaccuracies. UK
THE IDEA OF BEING A GIRL IN A STREET GANG LOST A LOT OF ITS SHEEN
They get sexually exploited at a very young age

Annoncering

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The police reckon that girls as young as 13 are using Facebook to sexually advertise themselves to older, male gang members, who may then gang rape them. Apparently the kids post pictures of themselves pouting with very little on in an attempt to gain status. "Some of the things you see on Facebook are just horrendous," said Detective Chief Inspector Petrina Cribb from the Met. "Very young girls posting pictures of themselves with very little on. We are talking about really, really inappropriate images of very young girls." This weekend, The Guardian also ran a story with the eye-catching headline "Being raped by a gang is normal". In it, ex-gang member Isha Nembhard (pictured) describes how some of the girls she hung around with in Peckham knew they'd be sexually abused if they got in with gangs, but did it anyway. "Girls who are getting treated very badly know what they are getting into," she said. "They sleep with a boy and the boy asks if she will sleep with all his friends." As with any gang-related crime, there isn't much in the way of stats to back up this anecdotal evidence, though the Met believe that one in seven rapes that happen in London are committed by criminal gangs. World
IRAN STOPPED SELLING OIL TO THE EU
Because the EU were going to stop buying Iranian oil in July

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The world got a bit more petty this weekend, when Iran decided to stop selling oil to the EU. They reached this decision after EU members announced they would be boycotting Iranian oil from July in protest at the country's nuclear ambitions. Media
A JOURNALIST CALLED UP RICHARD DAWKINS AND ACCUSED HIM OF POSSESSING A "SLAVE SUPPORTING" GENE
Apparently his great great great great great grandfather owned people

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Champion of Darwin, nemesis of God Richard Dawkins picked up the phone the other day, and a man from The Sunday Telegraph was on the other end telling him that his great great great great great grandfather used to have slaves. The newspaper ran a story reporting that Henry Dawkins had somehow wound up owning more than a thousand slaves in Jamaica by the time he died in 1744. Apparently the guy thought that Dawkins should be ashamed of this, and quoted the part in the bible that talks about God "visiting the sins of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation". At this point, Dawkins hung up, but the journalist called back and posited the theory that the most famous atheist in the world may have inherited a "slave supporting" gene from his ancestor. "'You obviously need a genetics lesson,' I replied," blogged Dawkins after. "Henry Dawkins was my great great great great great grandfather, so approximately one in 128 of my genes are inherited from him." "I can't help wondering at the quality of journalism which sees a scoop in attacking a man for what his five-greats grandfather did. Is there really nothing more current going on?" Food
A SCIENTIST BEGAN COOKING THE MOST EXPENSIVE BURGER OF ALL TIME
But hopefully it will save the planet

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A Dutch scientist named Mark Post has started making a burger in his lab. It will cost £200,000 to complete but hopefully one day it will feed the world and stop the planet choking to death on greenhouse gases. The meat was made from stem cells. At the moment, you can get about 100 burgers out of a cow, but if Post's project – which is funded by a mystery rich person – is successful, he thinks we'll be able to get 100 million burgers out of a cow. Breeding cows for meat sucks for the Earth because cow farts hang around in the air and raise the planet's temperature. At the moment, Post and his team of scientists are creating sheets of cow muscle that are 3cm long, half that length wide and half a millimetre thick. He will need 3,000 of them, plus a few hundred pieces of fatty tissue to have enough for a burger patty. He reckons his techniques could be used to mass produce food in the next ten to 20 years. "Meat demand is going to double in the next 40 years and right now we are using 70 percent of all our agricultural capacity to grow meat through livestock," Dr Post told The Guardian.
 
"You can easily calculate that we need alternatives. If you don't do anything meat will become a luxury food and be very, very expensive." When the first burger's done, he wants Heston Blumenthal to cook it up.