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The Weird Science Issue

Aliens Do It Better

Boning an alien in real life has always remained a fantasy, until now.
Jamie Clifton
London, GB

For decades, men have been jerkin’ it to fantasies of alien female characters in TV shows and movies who are basically just hot human women wearing uncomfortable costumes or painted some ridiculous colour. Transferring this idea into real life has remained in the realm of fantasy for guys without very accommodating girlfriends, but that will soon change, when brothel owner Dennis Hof finally opens his “Alien Cathouse”, a sci-fi themed whorehouse just down the road from Area 51.


Its grand opening date is still to be determined, but when I called up Dennis – whose infamous flagship brothel, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, was the setting of HBO’s reality show Cathouse – he was more than eager to talk about all the cosplay options he’s planning for his new venture, his personal alien fantasies and what Carrie Fisher is like.

VICE: How did you come up with this alien whorehouse idea? 
Dennis Hof: I was in the Beverly Hills Hotel with Heidi Fleiss, the famed Hollywood madam, and a client came up to me and said, “Dennis, you know what I want? I want to see Cami Parker [a star of Cathouse] dressed up as Princess Leia.” And I said, “Well, Carrie Fisher is a good friend. Maybe we can get a costume.” We were just joking around, but when he walked away, Heidi said, “Dennis, open up an alien cathouse. There’s an old brothel up by Area 51 that would be perfect.”

Have you ever fantasised about doing it with an alien lady? 
Oh yeah. I’ve always liked the Orion sex slaves from Star Trek. I’m over the Princess Leia thing now, though, because I know Carrie Fisher personally. Oh, and I’m starting to really like the Avatar girls, too.

Which characters have made it into the brothel lineup?
Well, we have a wardrobe room, where the girls can dress up in any costume the clients want. We’ve got characters from Avatar, Star Trek, Star Wars and all of those kinds of things. We also bought a load of costumes for the guys to complete the role-play aspect, if they want to get into that. They can be Captain Kirk, Han Solo or Darth Vader.


Are there themed rooms?
Absolutely. So far, we’ve got a Star Wars room, an Avatar room and a Star Trek room – the big three. We also have one room completely devoted to Princess Leia, for any guy who’s ever had a sex fantasy about her. It’ll have all the memorabilia in there. We’re even going to have Carrie Fisher come down to the grand opening. No matter who you are, it’s more than likely you’ve had a fantasy about banging Princess Leia. Now is your time. You want to be Captain Kirk in a harem of alien sex slaves? Great. You want Princess Leia to blow you? Absolutely no problem.

Want more weird science? Check these out:

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