(Photo by Stuart Sandford)
According to a survey last month, more than 30 percent of men in New York have faked an orgasm. That seemed, at best, improbable, and, at worst, completely unrealistic. Because of basic human biology, there are certain constraints – as a guy, at least – when it comes to faking it. The main one being the exact thing you're thinking of right now.
To figure out whether London's men are as dishonest as their New York counterparts – and to get a grasp of how doable it is to fake an orgasm as a man – I had a walk around Shoreditch and popped the question.
VICE: Have you ever faked an orgasm?
James: Is it possible for a bloke to fake an orgasm?
Well, apparently a load of you have been at it.
Um, no. I can’t see how that’s possible.
You’ve never considered trying it?
No, because [makes ejaculatory hand gesture] there’s evidence, isn’t there, you know? You either have or you haven't. They’d just know. And what’s the point of having sex if you’re not gonna orgasm?
Has there ever been an occasion where you’ve pretended to come?
Malcolm: I don’t think so.
Are you sure? You don’t sound very sure.
Okay, probably. Yes.
How did it happen?
Do you need me to draw a picture or something? I was tired. The whole thing just petered out, and yeah… it was just this one particular time.
Did she know you’d faked it?
Yes. She wasn’t particularly angry about it. In fact, I think she was quite glad – neither of us were in the mood.
Thanks for your honesty, Malcolm.
Andy (left) and Martin
VICE: Hey guys, have you ever pretended to come?
Andy: But the woman would know, wouldn’t she? Yeah, she would…
Martin: That’s a good point. There’s…*makes ejaculatory gesture* you know?
I do know.
As long as you know, that’s alright! I don’t see how that would work. Is it a really ugly woman?
I don’t know – I'm asking about your own experiences.
No, that’s never happened to me. I’ve never been like, "Oh, I better fake one."
Andy: I wouldn’t screw someone that meant I had to fake it.
Martin: Yeah, innit! Well, I think those men are lying or sexually deficient. Have you ever known someone to fake it?
I hope not.
Well, now you need to backtrack through your life and work that out.
Daniel (left), Anthony (right) and Fernando (who didn’t want to be pictured)
Ever attempted to fake an orgasm?
Anthony: No. You just pull out.
So you’ve never faked one whatsoever?
No, can’t say I have. You, boys?
Daniel: You kidding me?
Anthony: Have you?
No. But I have friends who do.
Anthony: Girls do all the time. Why is that?
Fernando: It’s like that film When Harry Met Sally. You know where she fakes it in a café? If a girl has to fake it, I feel sorry for her.
Have you ever been with a girl that’s faked it?
Anthony: She hasn’t told me, but I hope not.
Fernando: I’m gonna tell you something right now, yeah? Basically, you can tell when she’s faking because the eyes don’t roll back. Every chick I’ve been with, the eyes roll back. That’s cos I hit the spot.
VICE: Have you ever faked an orgasm?
Do you know any male friends who have?
Done “it”, or faked an orgasm?
Faked an orgasm.
I don’t think so, no. I don’t think I’d ever consider faking. If you wanted to finish it off earlier, you just finish it off earlier. Have I got to the point where I didn’t want to? It’s happened.
What do you do at that point?
Just say, "Thank you, see ya later. Thank you very much and see ya later."
As easy as that?
No, it’s not quite as easy as that. I do let them down a bit easier than that, yes.
[@hannahrosewens](http://Martin, 34, and Andy, 53, both data managers. Andy: But the woman would know, wouldn't she? Yeah, she would! Martin: That's a good point. There's…makes ejaculatory gesture you know? VICE: I do know. Martin: As long as you know, that's alright! I don't see how that would work. Is it a really ugly woman?)
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