
Annoncering
Annoncering
Absolutely no one besides the people listed on the obituary program will have the opportunity to speak. Most of the people who randomly speak at funerals just want attention. Some of them flat out lie about memories and events with the deceased who obviously cannot refute their remarks.The Sermon
The sermon will be limited to thirty minutes. I will not allow my funeral to be used as a platform for Bishop Dollar Bill to hear himself talk or recruit lost souls. All of us preach our own eulogy everyday of our lives. There’s not much anyone can say after that.The Hymnals
There will be no long drawn out sad songs by Mahalia Jackson and Luther Vandross knock offs. Trust me, my family will not need any extra encouragement to express their emotions. If a song must be played, jam something inspirational by Stevie Wonder, James Taylor or the Geto Boys.The Task Force
There will be an anti-screaming task force on hand to immediately put a muzzle on the face of anyone who decides to hoop and holler. I’m sick of seeing fools fall out screaming at funerals. Other mourners end up missing part of the service because they have to walk them out and calm their silly ass down.The Motorcade
No expense will be spared for security. In addition to motorcycle cops there will be patrol cars on standby for transport purposes. If any of my crazy family members starts acting a fool in any way, instructions are to lock their ass up on sight. I would have wanted it that way.
Annoncering
