Yesterday I found a high
school student’s notebook in the trash (don’t ask why). Tucked inside was a print-out
of this email. It’s from 2000 but the emotions are still raw. Seems Safiya did the dirty on her boyfriend D’andre. They had it out on the phone, but that filthy ho-bag then wrote this heartfelt letter where she says she still loves him.

Evidently D’andre is a big Mariah Carey
fan and Safiya compares their relationship to the song “Butterfly,” where she’s the butterfly who D’andre has to let fly. By “let fly” I think she means “fuck Darnell.” Apparently the pair were due to rendezvous that very same night. Do you think they got back together?
PENELOPE BONER